Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers help some advice plse..have i finished it for good

I dont want to file for D.No chance and have told him time and time again.He asked for it nearly 10 weeks ago saying he would sign everything over to me.Nothing since not the signs of a man desperate for divorce, perhaps checking the tempreture with me?
When he wrote down what he was feeling he said...quote to dress allows me to feel warm and content and fufil my desire and dream to be a woman.He said he sometimes felt he wanted to be a woman.As I said earlier, I think that was down to depression and confusion.
It maybe a reality in his mind>>>
Breaking News D'S were in my eldest car tonight and they drove past dad running(he has been doing eben more of this lately).He saw them in the car, looked straight at them and kept running.This is the first siting of him in well over 6 months.He didnt wave or acknowledge he saw them.
I have a lot to think about Lin...

He's embarrassed...because I am sure it isn't that he doesn't love them...but again, probably afraid of rejection, coming from your own children I think is worse then your mate...

Lin you are right but a wave wouldnt have hrt him.The girls are now in the space where they truly believe he doesnt care and I ahve tried to tell them not the case and that depression can change many people.
Well decided to do a bit of GAL tonight and had a full body and scalp massage..wow highly recommend it.Thought I might get a little emotional given it has thereputic benefits.Felt drunk afterwards and had no drink...guys and gals its a must.

I am with you on the massage thing...I had a few of those when I was traveling on the MLC highway...

As for waving...that would mean that he would have to acknowledge seeing them...

I shared this site with my D's...showed them some of the stuff that I found on MLC so that they could see that their dad wasn't just some sort of freak...but that this happens to others and how much the same it is...that seemed to help them understand that it had nothing to do with us...and to have some feelings of empathy for him...be selective, maybe print out some things that helped you put things in perspective regarding all of this and how people become so foreign!

Glad you enjoyed your massage...it is getting time for me again, although I did have an awesome facial in March and a scalp massage a few weeks after that while on our cruise...heaven, isn't it?

Lin you are always so sensible.I can really see how you have got through this.I do not call him down to the girls.I so want him to be part of their lives..I am going to use the massages regularly.I am starting to get the GAL..REALLY GET IT...I am taking it down to my soul.
I will look at printing some info..thats great idea.I have arranged for my youngest to go to counselling so thats another step for her and I think it will help.
My brother is getting married on July 1st.I am starting to get excited for the first time..hes the baby of the family 14 years between him and I .My H was supposed to be bestman.He was crying when my bros asked him.He has known him since he was 9 months old.I think this is the final hurdle I have to get over..its two weeks before the 1st anniversary of our split.
Our wedding anniversary is 28th of this month.I wonder how he will feel on that day?
My massage therapist(I know well) says she cant believe he wont be miserable and wondering how he got himself into this mess.
I just worry about the cdg and how thats over riding all his feelings.,,
thanks again LiN you are truly a wonderful person in heart and mind..truly.

thank you, JacT

I understand the anniversary thing...my H left after my nieces wedding (actually left me at her wedding, kissed me good bye and said he would see me for dinner and then never came home!)...this was only 6 months before our 25th! We were making plans for a cruise to some tropical location, I had already talked to someone about making a cake, I was planning our first ever anniversary party!...At time it still bugs me that he picked that time to leave...Well when our anniversary came around...nothing...no phone call, no email, no nothing!
I don't know that he was thinking of me...as he was usually out drinking and partying or sleeping it off in his beach apartment...
I think they work really really hard to not remember or think about us when they are gone...really, how could they? My H drank, that was his method of forgetting (that and OW while it lasted)...for yours it might be his cdg...maybe that is why he seems so over the top in everything these days...when you are running and trying to hide from yourself it can be a pretty tricky run, you know?
Let me know how things go with your D...I do believe sharing some of the more insightful posts...like the ones with MLC scripts, crazy behavior, stuff like that, really helped my D's to see that their dad was truly in a state of mental illness and made it easier, I think, to forgive when he came home.

Take care,
Lin

Lin will keep you posted.Thanks for all you support and advise.I will look at info tomorrow so I can print out for my D.My youngest is going to counsellig through school which I think will help.

Lin does it mean that my husband may not be In MLC if he doesnt spew.I have never had horrible verbals from him, always very pleasant.He has lied about the foundations of the affair but I see many woman if not most are victims of this horrible venting?

I don't think spew is a MUST...some don't go on wild spending sprees although a lot of them do...just not part of your H's MLC...he has the classic symptoms and definitely some major triggers for it!

Just remembered something that really shows how out there the thinking of a MLC'er can be.

We had been living with my parents before H left because we couldn't afford to keep our home, H wasn't making any money in real estate (not really working at although he seemed to spend a lot of time perfecting his selling techniques)...I had just lost my job and then H up and leaves me and the kids at their house!

I told him that he should give my parents some money for expenses of HIS family...and he said, "They owe me!" I asked how he figured my parents owed him anything and he said, "They never gave me a dowry for marrying you!"...now mind you we are in the U.S., not of any foreign ancestry for which this would be customary...but he felt that he should have been paid for taking me as his wife!!! (now mind you this was 25 years after the fact!)

See...no rationalization for that sort of thinking.

Lin

Lin you have the patience of a saint..This MLC is truly crazy..I am probably lucky that I have NC so not seeing/hearing what my H is going through.It also makes it difficult to know what stage he is..clearly replay but not sure how bad the depression is.
I have the financial burdens because he has not paid a penny to the household bills.He does pay 50 uk pounds for my D14 other than that he has given me nothing.
I hve enough savings to keep me going until Sept.
I had a good career before this and took redundacy last April hoping to get a new job after summer09.
The A sent me over the edge and I have been looking for the last few months.I earn a very good salary but not having ajob will compromise our home.I never thought he would ever do any of this...
Every time you tellme ssomething else I start to think how lucky I am not to be exposed to what you have had to deal with..
Take care and hugs to you and your lovely family((()))