thanks for stopping by. been busy lately but since you posted, decided to say hi back at ya and journal some...
Lets see, where did I last leave off in this never ending story.....
Monday back to work after long holiday weekend. H has emailed me everyday numerous times. We can't IM, so seems we are using email as IM. so this is good. I make sure he starts it. DB 101.
Tuesday evening after work, H was to have kids and so I went shopping for something to wear to office party on Friday evening, as H and I are indeed going. (!) I was at the store trying on clothes for 3 hours. I am in between sizes and am a petite, so it is horrible trying to find clothes that fit properly that need no alterations. after trying on numerous pairs, found some black pants and a red sweater to wear...it is a casual party.
Wednesday met H at sons school for S13's basketball game. H sat by me and chatted through out the game.
Today H called me at work, said he was in the area and would I like to go to lunch. This is a big plus in my mind....this was one of the things that I nagged and whined about him constantly over the past 3 or 4 years (pre-Db'ing)...I always nagged that he never came down and took me to lunch. When we were first married and even 5 years into our marriage, we would have lunch at least once a week. So it was something that I was really missing. We had chinese at a new restuarant by my office - yummy. As we were leaving, I said "thanks for lunch" he said "I enjoyed it". Yippee! He then emailed me when he got back to his office and said "I am back"...to let me know the email was on.
I still, however, feel like he is very comfortable in the relationship the way it is now, and this disturbs me. I cannot let this go on forever. How long do I wait him out? I had given myself until xmas...but this date is looming....and we are obviously making progress, but not there yet. I just don't want to find myself 2 yrs down the road in the same place I am now.
Having trouble with the patience thing now.
ok, gotta run - check in on everyone later. thanks for listening.
Cupcake, it took my H 6 months to come back... but it does not hurt if they see that you are not always at their beck and call...
How about going out at night 'with the girls'... and getting a baby sitter? And casually letting it slip in the conversation when you are with him...
Anyway, be careful. It does sound like he is showing more interest, so do not set artificial deadlines... just make sure progress continues... and let him know that you will not wait forever.
What I told my H was 'I understand that you have to set your 'stuff' right. Go and do it and when you are sure of what you want, come back. At that time, I will see where I am and whether I want to continue the R or not' It worked for me...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Lots has happened, yet lots hasn't happened. does that make any sense? somehow I think my fellow Dbers know exactly what this feels like.
H did take me to my Xmas party. We had an excellent time. He got to see old friends that he hasn't seen in ages. (we met at work, however, he left this employer over 10 yrs ago, so he only knows the old timers).
Was scared I would get tipsy and say something out of the Db realm. I think I did ok, if I remember correctly. (I can't believe I haven't posted since before the party).
Since then, we have emailed alot, called alot, etc. I don't initiate anything, if I can help it. I am a true DB-er in that sense.
Xmas came and went. He did not want to go to my family's get together. Pissed me off, but, hey, his loss I figured. It was the weekend before xmas.
I was invited to his parents house on xmas eve. My pre-DB attitude was "if you can't go to mine, I won't go to yours" ....then I remembered the ole "act as if" attitude. So I went and had an OK time. Alot like the 15 yrs prior to this one. His parents have never been really fond of me, but they do want us to reconcile.
Xmas eve night, S13 stayed with me, D8 went with H. they got up and came over to my place on xmas morning. kids opened my gifts from them, and H & I exchanged gifts. He got me an expensive purse (like all other years, a tried and true tradition). I got him a leather jacket and a couple of sweaters.
Then, much to my dismay, he took kids to his place to open presents at his place. I just don't know why he had to do this. Why couldn't he just bring presents to my place and do it all together? I know exactly what they got, it isn't like there were any surprises. Just an attempt to keep me at bay, etc. I was really hurt, and finally called his place around 5:00 and asked him to bring one of them over as I was not going to spend ALL day xmas alone. He got p*ssy and said ok, and brought them both over.
His excuse was I had them all day thanksgiving and he had nothing to do...I casually reminded him only because he refused all invitations.
Fast forward to the 27th, H says, lets go to Vegas...WTF? so I get my kids and one dog to my mom's (2.5 hrs away) and other dog to boarder (mom can't handle all of them!) We caught a plane early (VERY early) Sunday am and returned Tuesday evening. We had a great time. No R talks. Just like old times. Except we got along the entire time.
H won lots of $$ at the craps tables and we sat and played black jack for hours together. We had fun. He was eager to do whatever I wanted to do.
Then we get back and things are back to how they were before we left. Except maybe now he seems a tad bit more "at ease" with me. But we are back to every other night with kids, etc.
Also, it seems like when it is just me around, he is more relaxed and at ease. When others are around (including our kids) he puts up a wall and acts as if we aren't as close as we really are. Anyone else experience this?
And he has called several times each day. Last night when he came to pick up kids, I had him move some furniture for me, and all the while he was complaining about where I was placing our china hutch (really too big for this house, was purchased for the big, new house that he lives in now). I just wanted to say "Why the heck do you care????" I mean, he called me later that night and still went on and on about it. Oh well.....
sometimes it seems we are so close, sometimes it seems we haven't moved forward any.
so as you all have said, this is my year. I must continue on without regard to him. How crummy is that?
Painting a wall tomorrow. Red. Can't wait.
Thanks to anyone who has read this rambling post and can offer any insight and how to proceed.
No real insight, other than the patience part. He seems to be making progress towards you, initating the trip with you. Can you suggest a date with him, go do something fun? Build on the couple time you are having?
They don't seem to think logically, the you had them T-day, I get them xmas, just seems to suggest more of this illogical behavior they all seem to experience.
Keep doing what you are doing, seems to be having an impact on him. And unfortunately it is their timeline, not ours. Are you doing things for yourself? Make some personal goals for you, keep working on you!
