REally, tho, you have so evolved. I hope to be in your shoes someday soon.
And ya know, even though I don't think my H is involved in a EA or PA, I think I will still be left with those feelings of "will he bolt again someday if things aren't just so-so". I think anytime a spouse walks away, it shatters the LBS's entire sense of security that we may never, ever get back. I know now that I doubt I ever will. So for what it is worth, I think you questioning your sitch is perfectly normal and all one can hope is that it lessens with each passing year???
I appreciate hearing that my questionings and ups and downs and doubts don't leave people thinking I'm some failure.
Talked to my mom a couple of nights ago...she ended conversation by saying "so whats up with H?"
I said in what way? She said "well, just in general...has he put House on mkt" me: no, he doesn't want to. her: well, I would burn down the thing before I would let him live there me: Mom, I will not talk to you if you keep this negativity up her: I just think he has a method to this madness me: what do you mean her: he wanted you out so he could move his someone else in me: there is no someone esle her: you are living in denial Me: you have no idea what you are talking about
and so on, and so on, and so on.
anyone else have these conversations with their parents? I had to stand my ground, tell her I am 41 and not oblivious to what is going on....
i finally told my family i was not discussing the issue with them any longer. i told them if there was anything i wanted them to know that they would know it, but the discussion was thru
what is interesting is that when things were ok in our marriage i never discussed it, we always talked about OTHER things, ya know? so why do i want to share with them the icky stuff? that is between my husband and myself
I realize more and more every day that it's just not a good idea to share intimate details w/non-DB'ers. I realize that the 'rents are a diff. story. Most of the time when I share details with the Mothers, I feel worse, so I quit doing it. I think that eventually they will quit asking the more evasive you are. And, you can "act as if" with them too. I tell my mom fine, good...
I totally agree. This is what I have been doing all along. Just sometimes my mother, and you know, all mothers know best, decides she just has to butt in because I just don't seem to be getting it. Although I am a 41 yr old, college educated professional, I am too dense to figure out my personal life. Oh well. I have too told her that if I want to talk about things, I will let her know. Until then, please stay off the topic.
I took kids to school this am. So did not see H this morning. (he usually takes them even on nights that I have them and I see him when he comes inside to round them up). I am going to continue to do this for a while to see if he starts to "miss me" more. I typically don't see him in evening either, as he drops kids off at respective activities and I pick them up if it is "my night". so I will do this and see if any changes.
H did email me early this morning. I finally decided to touch on the subject of Turkey Day with him. so in my email back, I just said "I am going to make reservations for Tgiving as I do not wish to cook this year, nor do I wish to drive to my parents. I do think the kids deserve some sort of Turkey Day celebration, so I was thinking of taking them out to dinner and maybe to a movie after the football game." He replied he had not thought about it (I am sure he is avoiding the subject in his mind because he will have to think about the fact that we are S and therefore everyone will be thrown off kilter this year). He said he will let me know. I wrote back at end of next email that I would make a reservation for him to go with us, but I would be just fine if he decided not to go. Tried for no pressure, but come on, it is the holidays and I need to know something! In a way, I hope he doesn't go and ends up over at his parents place with just him and his folks. He is an only child and they have no other family in town. Maybe this will be another "light bulb" moment for him - how life will be if we do not reconcile.
How are the rest of you handling the holidays?
And why do I not care if he goes with me and kids or not????
I told you all in earlier posts that H has been emailing and calling on a daily basis as of late. Well today, I got an email from him asking why I never call or email him. That he has been the one to initiate contact with me for the last month or two (he isn't thinking - it has been alot longer than that). It wasn't a joke, he was serious and wants to know why I am not emailing or calling him. I just didn't know what to reply - and I needed to reply as he asked me some other questions regarding kids that needed answering. so...I said "Perhaps I am just gun-shy regarding the emails and calls. I was under the impression that if you didn't want to live with me, that you didn't want me to call and email either." Probably not the best DB answer, but the truth in a way. Couldn't really say that DB 101 says not to initiate contact with the WAS.
Any thoughts on this, my fellow DB'ers/
Also, H has evidently declined my invite to go out to eat on TG with me and kids. He says he can't leave his 80 year old parents alone on that day. I said they were welcome to come too, he said, you know them, they won't go out on TG! so then he says, MIL asked him to bring the turkey - WTF???? What a fiasco. He asked where whould one get one (a fully cooked one). I gave him some ideas. He acted so unsure of what to do about the turkey and then asked if I would handle it for him. I said "sure". So guys, I have ordered a turkey for my H to take to my in-laws house for TG of which I haven't been invited. H made some comment about it today about mine and kids plans and made mention that "nobody ever said you weren't invited". I WAS NOT EVER INVITED, AND HE KNOWS THIS. I told him so. I will not change my plans. I want him to go to his folks house, with just the 3 of them, and feel what it will be like for future holidays without his W and kids there.
To be honest, really looking forward to going out on TG with my kids. I have booked reservations to a fancy hotel buffet and can't wait...yummy - no cooking, and no clean up and no leftovers to deal with!
I don't know, cupcake, but it seems to me that it would be a really loving gesture to go to his parents and make a kick-a__ TG dinner. H is having trouble approaching you - don't make it harder. Come right out and ask - would you prefer it if the kids and I brought TG to your parents?
I think your response about the emails was fine - not angry, just factual.
