Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? When does darkness see the light?

Whenever you feel this strongly, it would probably be a good idea to find a distraction to keep you busy. Yes, it is hard b/c you're dealing with love....not some high school crush. It is serious stuff. I do believe in the majority of the advice given on the board. I do believe that detaching is the way to go when you are the LBS.

I was almost a WAW. The more my H pursued, the more I wanted to get away from him. I'll bet your H felt the same way. But when he realized you were no longer being available to him.....human nature kicked in and he wanted to see if he could pull you near again. Doesn't mean he's ready to have you back as his wife,but he just wants to see if he still has some "power" over you. Know what I mean? Sure you do.

If you don't make him work for this, then the past couple of months have been all for nothing. He wanted OW. That is a slap in the face to you. Don't cave in the first time he calls and gives the pitiful b.s. about "he didn't mean not to ever talk to each other". Oh yeah? What did he mean? Did he want OW for all the sexy, going out--fun stuff.....and keep you for the boring, not-so-fun stuff....like housework, cooking, paying bills, grocery shopping, etc.?

Sorry if I sound too harsh, but as a WAW I can tell you that they (WAS) need to respect the LBS. He won't respect or desire you if you make this too easy for him. Why would he respect a woman who would compromise with what he's doing? (Is he still with OW?)

If he thinks you are not so easy, then he'll probably get more interested.

And even if that doesn't happen, you still have your dignity.

One thing for sure, being his safety net isn't going to get any respect.

Ita hard very hard.I have been nc for 7 months and only had a text asking for Divorce in exchange for him signing over everything...that was 10 weeks ago and nothing again.It is very difficult.I was with my H for 28years and it breaks my heart.I would rather have this pain though than knowing he was walking away from my door, phone etc going to Ow.Be strong it gets easier.Listen to Sandi she is a vet in this fied and will help you through it.((hugs)) I know it hurts.

Irish Love I just saw your super wise and helpful post to Silentspring! What is going on with you?

I know you might be reluctant to hear from a DBer whose H is filing for D (lol!) but I have learned from the outside looking in and have done almost every strategy recommended.

MWD reminds us that no matter what strategy we choose, we most monitor results. No cheeseless tunnels allowed!!

Have you been able to stay dark? Has your H continued to reach out to you?

Thanks NM!
Sorry I haven't replied sooner, I didn't notice your post. I always look at others but don't check mine for posts anymore since it's not real active. I reach out occaisonally but mostly read others situation for the wisdom others give.

Right now I seem to be in a blah state. Recenlty, I go back and forth from sad to angry, but mostly I am neutral. I have tried to rationalize many things and do my best not send myself spiraling in a negative place. I think positive even if its well I am the one M to H and not anyone else. That may not be a good way to put it. But it reminds me of the movie Fireproof so I go with it. My H doesn't talk about D. (I hope I didn't just jinx it). I brought it up out of anger several months ago and it send him in a big spiral downward. He is in a very depressed state. H is on meds and has gone through intense C. H says he is doing better but still has things he is working on. I don't know what that means exactly, I don't ask questions.

I don't know what is really going on with H on a day to day basis. I am sort of dark. I let him initiate all conversations. But he does come around for kids. I cant go dark completely. But then again, from my initial post I wasn't sure if that was actually helping me or hurting.

Sorry my post is kind of random, I am just scattered at the moment. And I haven't had my coffee yet. LOL

Thanks for checking in with me! I hope you are doing well.