thanks, but situation slightly more complicated than that. He has not asked me or kids and I asked him last week what his plans were, stated what I would do barring any other options, and he did not ever ask me to his folks for dinner. I truly believe this is their home and therefore thier place to invite me or not. His mom will be making all of TG dinner except the turkey, which I have ordered as stated above. My mil has never really cared for me, so it's not like I can just assume that I can come if I want. Now, on the other hand, if he or his mom was to call and invite, I would go if my H said A-ok.
It is just so hard with these boundaries that are definitely there, but just invisible and always moving.
oh, and just to reiterate, when we were discussing it at my initiation, I asked him to see if his parents would like to join us for TG dinner out. His avoidance on this issue led me to believe that he did not really feel comfortable spending the holiday with me.
Still, in a way, I believe that the WAS has to see that there are consequences to splitting up a family. If I make it too easy on him, what is his incentive to give up the life he is leading now.
That is interesting - you said I sound angry, but funny, I don't feel angry. Just practical. He doesn't want to be with me, so I found something else to do.
I made reservations at the Mandalay in Las Colinas! I am sure my kids won't eat enough to come close to what it costs, but this year, I just said, What the Heck!!! Didn't have it in me this year to do all of the cooking, either. I get so tired of being the one who always picks up the reins and does it. so I am on strike this year.
Tell me if it works! I was looking for something different to do for Xmas! I agree with the strike for the holidays! I am tired of being the 'home ambiance designer'
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
My H has also commented that I never call, I have just told him that I want to give him the time and space he needs to think things through. That I thought this was the best way for me to support what he is going through.
Sounds like the TG stuff is a done deal, so I would be gracious in what you are doing and not defend yourself or make any statements about who was/wasn't invited where. Just continue to be excited about the wonderful meal you and the kids are going to have.
Enjoy and you have given me a great idea for the holidays---I've always wanted to do brunch at the Hotel Hershey, but it so outrageously expensive, but what the heck, new traditions for this Christmas.
wednesday evening - H came over to get kids, I asked where was closet place to buy some wine (live in a dry area) and he said he would go get whatever I wanted. I said ok...brought back some wine coolers (no wine at store, only beer and coolers). He sat down on couch and asked me to sit by him (!) and we had a drink together. ML after kids went to bed. so all in all, a good day!!!
thursday, kids and I went to Mandalay Hotel for TG brunch. for all of those wondering, I would highly recommend this approach to holiday dining. no cooking, no cleanup, no leftovers to pitch after 2 weeks in fridge, no grocery shopping, no cleaning house for guests, etc...and delicious to boot. H stopped by after TG with his parents. He said it was the "spanish inquisition" the entire time from his mom. Said she was sad I wasn't there. funny coming from the woman who says I am biggest bi**h she has ever known. Anyway, he came by and stayed awhile.
Friday, H came to pick up kids later in day. Asked where I was going, again told him oh,...just going to do single girl stuff. He asked what I wanted for xmas that kids could get me. I gave him some small hints and off he went. I went to mall, and on way home, he called and said they had been to mall also and had bought xmas presents for me. hmmmm is this a positive?
Saturday caught up on laundry and housework...only saw H when he dropped kids off. not much conversation - pleasant but short.
Sunday (today) came in to get kids, smelled the dinner I had cooked for kids and me (pork roast and mashed potatoes) and I said "have you eaten" he said "no" and so I convinced him to make himself a plate. He did and sat down to eat before leaving with kids....
ok for the big shocker - he asked when my office xmas party is - I said Friday - he said are you going? I said "no" he said why not? I said "no date" he said "I will go with you" I said "REALLY???" he said "why didn't you just ask me" I said "I think we know the answer to that". So now I have to see if it is too late to RSVP for the party. THIS IS A HUGE POSITIVE....we met while working at this firm 15 years ago, he knows the partners, and for the last year and immediately post bomb, said he hoped he never saw any of those people again. I guess this is the most psyched I have been since the bomb!
another positive, - when we were having our drink together on Wednesday evening, we were watching the top ten show on the travel channel - it was on top ten casinos in Las Vegas. My H love Las Vegas. He said "I want to go to Vegas"...I said "me too". He said "Why don't you take me". I said "I don't have any money" (H controls our checkbook and I have been reluctant to spend much money as I have viewed it as a thorn in his side). My birthday is coming up at month end - I can't help but wish H would surprise me with a trip to Vegas!!!! I know, I know, no expectations!
sorry for the long rambling post about nothing, but I just wanted to journal the events.
Quote: He said "I want to go to Vegas"...I said "me too". He said "Why don't you take me". I said "I don't have any money" (H controls our checkbook and I have been reluctant to spend much money as I have viewed it as a thorn in his side). My birthday is coming up at month end - I can't help but wish H would surprise me with a trip to Vegas!!!! I know, I know, no expectations!
Depending on the time of year you can get really good deals to Vegas. Check out the Internet and ebay.
but not off base... However, has anyone ever mentioned to you the fact that life is not fair 
I just did not feel like doing it this year 
