You came to the right place for support. There really are some amazing people here and they will give you a great deal of support. You are not alone, remember that.
I was going to continue with my story yesterday, but it wasn't to be. How can I be so at peace with the situation and thinking, OK I'm past the worst, I'm strong, I can be patient - I thought that I was finally there.....and yesterday I just crumbled again. Crying, feeling this incredible sadness, hurt....missing him so much....
I'm looking at my daughter and realizing how much she misses our family life and how our life has changed. WH seams to think that she is OK when he texts her few times a week and takes her to lunch occasionaly and brings her presents from his visit trips with the OW. GRRRRR.
She is 16, not an easy time under the best of circumstances, she is going through her own teen dramas and that's plenty for her to deal with at that age. I'm so sorry this is happening to her, I want to make it all better for her but I can't. I know she misses her daddy, our family life the way it used to be. I know she is angry with him and judges him for his affair.
Our home was always welcoming, warm and full of love, my daughter's friends used to "hang out" here all the time, there were plenty of laughs and conversations, they would have dinners with us.... Now she hardly brings anyone over, she is escaping this big empty house and going to her friend's instead. I guess it makes her forget. I'm so angry at him for doing this to her.
Sorry I just had to vent. But just so you know I'm putting on a happy face for him......
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
My house has almost been opposite of yours since my H left. He was never thrilled to let the kids have friends over, spend the night etc so we have been doing more of that since he has been gone! I am happy for that as I it is something I didn't do as a kid as my Dad was an alcoholic and we would have been too embarrassed to have friends see him that way. So, I see this as a positive thing that has come out of H being gone! I want my home to be available and welcoming.
Maybe try to think of any positive(s) that may have come out of your sitch so far...it might help!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I guess maybe that since he left there is a sense of relief from the pressure. The tention was unbearable before he left. He was either leashing out at everyone or withdrew and did not talk to anyone. I felt emotionaly and verbaly abused and was walking on egg shells. That's no way to live.... Since he left he is actualy very nice and almost "loving" when we see each other.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
You are right to look at the positive confusedwife, thanks.... I have to do that more. I'm glad your home is "alive" for the kids. I will start encouraging my daughter (bribing with baking and cooking) to spend more time here with her friends again
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Thanks guys, yes it is positive, him moving out "defused" him. He said that he was feeling "trapped" before. But him being nice could be just guilt. What do you think????
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Don't assume, don't try to get in his head. If this is MLC you just have to take things at face value. If he is being nice, great! Whatever his motivation, it is an improvement over him not being nice. Just be sure to keep your expectations at zero.
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