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I know it is worse than that, that is why it makes me so sick for my kids bc I don't see him ever being able to change. Even today when he cried when they sang his grandma's funeral song I thought, "He can cry, he is human, so how can he not feel what he is doing is wrong?" Ugh.

I cannot believe I had my two babies with someone who could cheat on me repeatedly, walk away, and rewrite history to make it all MY fault. This is not their doing yet they have to deal with it...

BobbiJo,

I feel for you. I was also divorced back in Feb 2010.

And I also can not understand how a WAS can destroy a marriage and have no feelings about it yet can shed tears when it involves their own selfish new single life.

But as they say here all the time. There is no logic. The WAS make themselves believe what they want to believe to justify their escape. And they do not care who they hurt.

Our job as a LBS is to detach from all this and see it as what it is and that we can not control it.

Just deal with whats real for now. That is what I try to do. My XW is in the same fantasy world your XH is in. And we are not a part of that world.

((hugs))

Is there any way you can steer clear of Dan at church when it's his weekend? Hide out somewhere that the kids won't see you? Ask him to go to the earlier or later service? How large is your church?

Small town church one service. Roughly 80-100 people attend. At first I said ok I would not go on the days he took the kids but then I changed my mind. Because a couple hours later Nathan had ball practice...was I supposed to not go to that either?

So I went about 20 minutes into practice. Dan had already called, I didn't answer, and said he would have MIL come in to keep an eye on Sydney if I wasn't coming. Ummm...first you don't think I should be with the kids on your day then you call looking for me? Geez...

So I went and after practice I told him he'd have to learn to handle Sydney's meltdowns bc we have umpteen years of school concerts, ball games, church, etc where the kids would see us both and I wasn't going to stop going to events. I mean if I gave in on one thing it would just snowball. Besides, Sydney crying for her mom is part of the fallout from their dad walking away...

I fully agree with you as far as Dan needing to learn to handle the kid's meltdowns. However....was it really necessary to go to Nathan's practice? It's just practice after all. When it's Dan's day, Dan does that. When it's your day you do that. Games are another story of course.

The less you are near Dan on days you don't need to be, the better.

I see both sides in this. I just do better the less I see STBXW. I avoid her whenever possible. I try only to go to stuff I need to be at.

But you can't let the WAS keep you from things. Toughy.

I'm lucky. First thing I did was join a very large church. At first, I'll be honest, I thought the girls would drag STBXW there and she'd see the error of her ways.

Now. I'd make sure we weren't at the same service. I live in a big enough city and STBXW and I have different groups of friends and interests that I haven't run into once outside of stuff with the kids.

Hey, BBJ. You haven't mentioned OW in a long time. Is Dan still with her. No reason really for the question. Just curious.

Mish-It was only his second practice, ever, and at this age the parents do tend to stick around and help out as needed. Dan spent the entire time on the field being an extra coach along with a few other dads. Nathan had asked me to come...There is a game tonight and even though it is my night I am sure Dan will be there...

CTH I have no idea re. OW. Last 'official' word I had was his email dumping her when he backed out of reconciling with me last year end of September. If you weren't here for that, he had said he wanted to reconcile, I told him I wanted a no-contact letter first. He wound up emailing us both at the same time saying he couldn't be with either of us. However I am sure he has been with someone during this time since I have never known him to be alone...

If you have nothing in common, you should politely let him know that it is best not to meet.

It takes time to find someone who has many similar things in common and who you have a common chemistry with. It seemed like cartoon guy was the cloest you got to that.

I would agree Kerry. I still think of Cartoon Guy once in a while. He like running, Star Wars , lots of the same things I like. In fact when I saw the trailers for the new Jonah Hex movie coming out, I thought of him bc that is one graphic novel character that he sketched and showed me sketches of...

Yeah I just don't really think Match has been a good fit for me. I would prefer to meet someone working the track meets, or through one of my other hobbies. However right now those hobbies are high school speech, and middle/high school church youth group so my only shot there is meeting a single dad...

Its ok though. I do get really lonely sometimes. But I also have goals for myself that I have not accomplished yet. Like getting my house thoroughly cleaned/purged/organized. Getting my kids on a morning schedule that keeps us from being late. Getting my finances in order...I have the money in the bank to pay my bills but on occasion I let them pile up and wind up paying late. Trying to rectify that through as many automatic-draft payment systems as I can!

So anyway I need to get my own boundaries established for my life before I get too involved with anyone else.

Dont forget that you have your ownn summer vaction to look forward too!

I am like you in that I am quite organized and have many things to do with the kids as a single dad. I'm going with D7 to Girl Scout camp next weekend. There should be a 300 to 1 female to male ratio. I have been advised to keep my mouth shut, smile and I should be able to survive the weekend. Then we have 3 nights in a cabin cottage on the coast during memorial day weekend. There is a Cub Scout den sleep over at a beach house on the coast at the end of June. A 3 day Cub Scout horse camp in July followed by a 2 week Las Vegas vacation in July. And there are other one day activities I have planned with the kids.

But, I have space in my schedule now for someone else in my life. Someone I look forward to talking with at the end of a day. I can say that meeting someone who has similar personality, religious and political beliefs is a huge plus! I can tell that C49 and I both cant wait to see each other again. If things keep going the way they are now, I look forward to some romantic getaways with her in the future. But for now, I will just let things progress as they happen.