Thank you. Yes, I have to do good things for myself and it is hard because it is me who I leave behind. Today I want to baby me, I deserve it. I have given my best shot to this marriage, if he wants to act like he is single, that’s his problem, and I want to be with my clear conscience. It is enough to deal with being ignored and left out, that I can’t do the same with me. I did stretch and sit/push ups while I wanted to cry. Yesterday I went to church and even though was hard to concentrate, I did it.
Carlota
M44,WAH54 DS11, DS15 mine S26, D21, D15 his married 2yrs Bomb 12/09 Still in same house, he still waffling Trying to not worry about him and focus on me
Carlota, I am sorry you are here. I hope you have been able to do a few things for yourself each day to start building the happy. I have found it helpful to make a few promises to myself each night of what I will do tomorrow.
Tonight I promise that tomorrow I will 1. play a game with my kids 2. spend 30 minutes working in our garden 3. make someone I don't know laugh out loud (not at my expense)
My nightly list helps me focus, look forward to some things and have things to do that don't depend upon or involve my Husband.
You probably should try to stick to one thread, though - it will make it much easier for people to follow and find you.
Question that Carlota had:
Her H is being pretty nasty and petty, especially around money issues. She feels like she is being treated like a child and scolded for spending the smallest amount on herself...even had to account for grocery money to him. Yet, he continues to sleep in the same bed - but as a roommate. It is making her very uncomfortable, sad and lonely. Advice on what to do? A way to tell him to sleep in another room? Or to move herself? Or to suck it up and stay in the bed, even if he is there?
Advice on what to do? A way to tell him to sleep in another room? Or to move herself? Or to suck it up and stay in the bed, even if he is there?
I was fortunate in my sitch that my H was never petty about money. He also slept in another bed when I requested it. So, I'm not sure what to say about this, except to inform him that he made the vows, and stuff has to be bought for the house, and if he's going to go out and have fun, then so are you.
You are a woman in her forties, the best time of your life. Does he not know how lucky he is, being married to a woman so young who is willing to pour all her attention on him? Obviously not. BE that woman who he should be grateful to have as his wife. Always dress as if you are going out on the town. Heck, go out on the town now and then, with friends. Have some fun and live your life. Give him his space, but in such a way that he must wonder what you are doing in yours. Don't give him the opportunity to ignore you .... YOU ignore him, avoid him. Make sure you are going out with friends younger than him. Hehehehe!!!! In other words, be the greener grass that he thinks he is seeking outside the M. Be the person you were when he met you, but for other people. Act hard to get. Not in a mean way, but as if you are distracted by all the fun, busy stuff in your life.
So, I would ignore his pettiness, and if the sleeping arrangements are uncomfortable and he doesn't get the message to move out of the marital bed, then I would suggest you do.
Hope this all makes sense. I have found that the minute a man finds his beautiful, young, vivacious wife is happy to be without him, he starts taking notice, especially since you have only been married for 2 years. Not that long that he can't remember how it was in the beginning. It may or may not work, but worth giving it a shot, and it may make your own self worth rise.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
