Kat, he kept saying to me, "I know God is leading me to tell you this, and it will be a good thing".
Then his W was really surprised, but...I think she was happy about it.
In a million years I can't IMAGINE my H making a confession like that.
I think it was a good start for the financial guy--really, he doesn't know me--we have never "met" face-to-face. And I didn't clobber him or anything--I was just asking him a lot of questions about it. I really think he may have the courage to open up more about it, which I think would help him battle his demons.
I confess to everyone that for the first 9 years we were married I was a HORRIBLE W. Just awful. Part of the reason I can put up with this--he put up with ME for all those years.lol.
I was in SUCH a good mood when H and S got home (I was like BRING IT lol.) that it was a little bit of a let down that H didn't want to light into me anymore. I joked around with S and H asks us if we want to go to the movies. We were like "OK!"
Got home and had dinner and went out for a 1 1/2 hour walk with my dogs and visited friends in the neighborhood.
Now that I'm getting out so much more, there is a TON of stuff going on I have never noticed. A new barn across the street is giving lessons in jumping (horse). I SO want to DO that!! My H will of course say no. I shouldn't care and do it anyway. Or should I. I AM supposed to GAL, right?
Goodness--think anyone GAL by learning to jump at age 47??lol. Bet THAT takes your mind off of things!
I wrote this on another thread, but when I finished I thought--gee, I need to re-read this when I get down. So here it is.
This was someone that had 2 young children, and while I sympathize so much with the people with young kids, I know that there was the "mom" I was before all this, and the "mom" I turned into. I was "there" when my S was young, but....not like now.
Focus on the positives.
There are ways that YOU ARE DIFFERENT. Positive things that would not have happened.
You may have been home with your kids 24/7 if this had not happened--but would you have been "there"? I was with my S for the first 8 years and wasn't.
You mention compassion--don't you know what a gift compassion is? If you are a more compassionate person, every aspect of your life is now "different" in a positive way. Your children, all the people that you come in contact with--they will benefit. I wasn't a compassionate person. I was selfish and self-absorbed. Now I "see" and "feel" when people need me. And I express my needs so much more freely--and they are met in the strangest, most interesting ways. I was very unpopular in school--very mousy, very nerdy, very shy.
I feel like a rock star--I have more friends than I know what to do with. Amazing.
I also went through college in an unfocused way--graduated with barely a C average. Had no direction. Fell into a job. Not what I want to do "for the rest of my life".
I am back in school. Again, focused like I have never been. I want all A's. I am 25 years older than those kids. They are so kind to me--I just love it. I raise my hand first--no more shy, mousy person.
I am now at 47 more toned and fit and healthy than I have ever been in my life. I can focus easily on my exercise goals. I used to HATE exercising. Now it relaxes me.
My H married one person. I am now another. Do I ever want to go back, even if it means losing him? Nope. Adjust, or get out of my way. I'm having way too much fun.
I don't know WHY I dread "conflict" still. Those scripts are FUN to say as I walk away from him.lol.
So this a.m. he's like "what are you doing about the horse". I said, "nothing". Then I said "Ok, how much board does my friend need to pay you". He says "That is not the point--the point is how you said it. If that horse is not gone tomorrow I'm going to remove it".
Ok, I think I can call either the police or animal control if he "removes" the horse--don't know where he'd put it, but this is a threat and I'm ready to play hardball with him if he wants.
Also, the FIRST thing yesterday was that "She needs to pay board if her horse lives here". The absolute first thing he thinks of is money--NOT how I said it. Actually, when he said that I knew I was "in". Because what does he know about boarding horses?? Nothing.
So I saw things getting heated, he was like "Don't leave this house" and I gave my script and left.lol.
I keep waiting for someone to give me heck--I should probably apologize for the "way" I said it. But I am not backing down.
Not being Wimpy is a 180 for me--right?? I am getting myself confused here.lol.
I am anxious to see if it got him to do or say something! Good for you. I would think a 180 is good especially if it has you feeling empowered. Don't let him bully you anymore. You are a smart and wonderful woman who deserves so much more than he gives. Take it from him. lol
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oh BOY he was spouting off when I left.lol. Didn't catch any of it--I hum to myself now as I leave.
He is now like "You have the month of June to figure this out. But I am NOT going to give in to this. You are NOT going to get your way here. You cannot make decisions for the both of us that don't include me."
So I said "Well you made the decision all on your own that we would no longer have a sex life. I didn't agree to that".
(yea me)
Then he said "You haven't made any attempts here".
I calmly stated, "I have done everything the counselor and YOU told me to do. And I am willing to communicate with you in a calm, rational way any time you want."
Well that got him going, I said "oops--gotta go. Said Kat's script twice because he was in such a tirade, but I think I shouldn't do that--it's like arguing.
Then turned and left. It is a fabulous day. Little horsie is getting her teeth done by the horse dentist, and yesterday she got her feet trimmed up so pretty. She is safe, and I am helping 2 people now, my friend her owner, and the girl down the road who wants to ride her with me over the summer.
My nutrition class it TOUGH--I better start my 20 page project due NEXT TUES!!!
