Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers W still wants separation, need to DB more

Before I left for work I said "heading to work, you all set?" W asked for a bottle of water.

I then left for work thinking "maybe I should had just said bye and nothing else or at least just had said I am leaving or maybe nothing at all"

"Things just took a turn for the worse again. W came home from the Dr."

Officer, you repeatedly mention your wife is not feeling well. whats wrong?

what if you didnt work 3rd shift? would the additional time together make a positive difference?

She is getting over a terrible cold that caused her asthma to act up. She is doing better now, there is still some congestion thou.

The shift I am on now worked out great for us. I leave for work at 7pm and she goes to bed round 8-9pm she gets up at 2am and leaves for work at 3am and starts at 4am. I get out of work at 6am. My W gets out work at 1230pm and home around 1pm. I wake up at noonish. We have about 6 hours to spend together. It has worked out for us so far. I cannot do a shift change until july.

I don't think a shift change will benefit our R but it will help me as being on nights my mind has too much time to wonder and think about our sitch.

Today has been a real downerm I thought we were making progress but I suppose not. I I am going to give her space, start to detach more...

I'm not a professional, but I'd start spending 1hrs quality time with her, two hrs tops per day and make sure I'm having fun, taking care of business and taking care of myself with the rest.

My question is, how detached do I get? Do I start to change bills in her name into mine?

You are making the common mistake where people assume that "detaching" means "splitting up". That's not the case at all.

Detaching means giving up control of the other person and not letting their reactions and emotional states affect yours.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

I have the book "codependent no more" I am reading it, learning to detach, it is tough.

OfficerInNeed,

If it's "yours" there is no reason to detach. With these WAS(s) we detach to protect ourselves.

Since last night...

W had left for work this morning and text me. We had a descent exchange...

W: leaving for work

Me: ok, careful

W: made it safe

Me;ok, have a good day

W: if u want u can pick up application for exam prior to detail

Me: sounds good

W: oh her breath will smell good...she ate a few cough drops

Me: that's raven for ya

Translation: w usually txt me when she leaves for work and has arrived at work. W wanted me to pick up application so she can take civil service exam for job. Our dog ate some cough drops...she is out of control.

W then text me - "on lunch"
I said nothing in response because I was sleeping

W txt me when she was leaving work

W: air force 1 just landed

Me; seen that, was pretty cool

W: made it out taking union home

Me; cool, careful

W: home

Me: ok

Translation: w usually txt me when she is leaving work, today the president is visiting the city and the airport is on lock down therefore she had to take a detour home.

I am still on the detail...

OIN,

Have you ever seen the movie "Cool Hand Luke"...

"Still shakin' it, boss, still shakin'. I'm shakin' it, boss."


W: leaving for work

Me: ok, careful

W: made it safe

Me;ok, have a good day


W then text me - "on lunch"
I said nothing in response because I was sleeping

W txt me when she was leaving work


W: made it out taking union home

Me; cool, careful

W: home


This just seems a bit much. How long has this gone on between you two? She tells you when she leaves for work, when she gets there, when she goes to lunch, when she leaves work, what route she is taking, when she gets home?

You do realize that isn't normal don't you?
Remember that movie. Luke was being OBEDIENT, but secretly inside was wanting to escape their clutches but he learned to let them believe he would just do what they wanted. I would bet she feels smothered by having to do this but feel obligated and doesn't want to start a fight. Especially in her present mindset. This doesn't make sense.