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Is just passing by........

New thread. Feel very much that things are beyond salvation in terms of M, but trapped in it legally for another 27 months. Separated since bomb. Wife and OM still going strong albeit in a slightly bizarre relationship revolving around 1 weekend in 4 together and very little else beyond phone calls. All corners telling me to move on and get on with life, and I'm trying to do so. No positive signs from WAW that I can see.

Dating and enjoying the company and attention, but not seeking any more than dinner and drinks.

Not entirely sure where I'm going from here, except onwards for myself, alone, waiting for the separation papers to land on the doormat on our first wedding anniversary.

Thought I'd test the waters in a new forum, just for fun.

I may not post often by I'm here reading along and holding out hope for you.

if indeed you are where you say you are then not all hope is lost- you need to be ship shape if WAW wakes up...the boost in confidence and detachment will only help you...

My WAW's first A was a few months, then I busted it, her second was 3 months and fizzled...had a brief "I want my M"...lasted a day and a half, now she's on to OM3...

Again- your detachment, acceptance, and confidence are your best allies

Can't stop thinking about the "I made a mistake in marrying you. I shouldn't have done it." That really really stings. A £30,000 pound mistake which was planned over 13 months, in front of all our friends & family. Really thoughtful and decent behaviour.

Lees its too soon to expect her to end it.It will go on for a while longer.If what you are saying is I no longer want to stand for my marriage thats a choice for you to make.Noone will crticise you if you want to get off the rollercoaster.
Remember this though I divorced my H and three years later we renewed our vows.He thought I was done but didnt give up..I still think your views are a little premature but I understand why.Have you read the many sitch here, where the spouse has felt the same and it has worked out.
You are hurting, disappointed and crying out for the person who you thought would be around for life.
You know the saying people come into your life for a reason,season or a lifetime.It maybe not be clear whats going on now but it will..some day..

Well talk about H and their fog.My 2 D's saw their dad tonight when he was out running first sighting in 6 months.They were in eldest daughters car.He looked at both, both said he saw them and he ran on..no ackknowledgement..what a plonker!!!
He can run but he cant hide for ever.All day working and running at 2030!!! A distressed man that clearly doesnt know how to help himself.Hope you had a better day today Lees

I feel quite apathetic today. Am having a paperwork day, but not managed yet to do any work. Just sorted out a few home related admin things and spent ages reading on here looking for some hope.

I'm miserable. I feel almost totally hopeless about my sitch. I need to rant, so here it is:

I'm finding it difficult to think positively about saving our M at the moment. I can't do it alone and why would she bother? No kids, not together for many years like most on these formus. Not sure she's having an MLC at tender age of 32. Still young enough to pick ourselves up and carry on to the next one. She's clearly not interested in any way in saving it, and continues to say "I'm in love with OM, our marriage was a mistake." The only slight positive from the discussions with the sMIL (see last page of sitch thread) was that apparently she never once said a negative word about me in their short discussion. But she did spend her time saying she didn't owe me anything and didn't see why she should pay the money she owed me. Good on sMIL for hammering her on that one. Do I really want someone who's family thinks is incapable of a long term committed relationship? Maybe they are right after all. Hell, she couldn't be bothered to work on a marriage of only 6 months, despite having talked the talk of "divorce isn't an option" for so long before it.

I wish I could get past my own damn romantic ideals and beliefs about marriage being for life. I wish I could take that quaich, all those photos and the rest of the other wedding paraphenalia down to either the shop or the dump. But I don't seem to be able to do so. I think it is mostly just nostalgia. I wish it would go away.

I don't believe in any higher powers whom I can 'hand my situation over to.' There's just me. And I am just ticking along passing time and managing to have fun for me. It feels like it has nothing to do with saving my marriage. I don't believe it will. It will make me feel better, and make me more interesting to the next person, which is incredibly unlikely to be the woman I first married.

I have lost my faith in karma. I've been to hell and back. I've crawled back to the surface, I've picked myself up and carried on. I've been so low I considered suicide. The STBXW does not appear to have felt any consequence, despite the exposure, and the disgust of her family. Despite my GAL, losing weight, looking good and holding my head high. I feel like she has got away with it all without batting an eyelid, scot free. She has done none of the hard work, and yet still appears to be happy and having all the fun.

I feel there is nothing more I can do. We are separated, totally NC, I am dating. I'm trying to drop the rope. Either I'm doing it right, or there's nothing new to suggest.

JacT - I admire your perseverance, how did you salvage things first time around? I've read far too many sitch on here probably - if only my research paper had recieved so much attention! There are many, many which don't work out. There are the odd few that do. And we're really a self selecting group aren't we - I wonder how many others never get here and fall apart privately. I imagine many more than fix things.

Your H sounds like a jerk. Especially to ignore his own daughters. You are stronger than I to have gone through so much and still be positive and provide so much support to others.



And now I feel guilty for being so disparaging about it all when I've had support and advice from lovely people on here. Thanks all, I don't mean any offence. I'm just struggling today.

We all have bad days- hopefully tomorrow will feel different.

I agree with Saffie, it's hard to be positive and hope for the best all the time. Sometimes the harshness of the situation takes a toll on us.

More outpourings. I'm not gonna send it, but feels good to write it.

Dear STBXW,
I am terribly sorry that our lives which were previously entwined have come to this disagreeable juncture. I have been hoping that you might choose to work at the marriage you committed yourself to just 8 months ago. I still find it hard to believe that we were publically proclaiming our everlasting love, and yet such a short time later are completely estranged. My time of waiting is now over. I do not wish to be with someone who does not love me, nor share my values regarding fidelity and working at rather than discarding a marriage. These are also traits which I require of my friends. Whilst I do not agree with it, I will not impede the divorce which you seek for reasons of irreconcilable difference. I understand the legal separation paperwork will arrive shortly for my signature and there will be no other action required on my part following this for full divorce to occur 2 years thereafter. I wish you happiness in your future with OM.