I like Kalni's point. With your H's flight from responsibility, I think you should point out when/if it comes up, how much future responsibility he will have on him juggling his two families. That will give him the reality check of a lifetime. Your H really thinks he's in for a hayride instead of two sets of families with competing needs.
I also wonder if H should take D for a separate birthday outing this once. He seems in no condition not to ruin the day. His moods seem very volatile right now. Why not acknowledge that and hope for better next month or next year?
I also wonder if H should take D for a separate birthday outing this once. He seems in no condition not to ruin the day. His moods seem very volatile right now. Why not acknowledge that and hope for better next month or next year?
Well I did ask him IF he'd be attending the party (before birthday fiasco), I didn't ask him TO attend the party. It's really up to him...there is no pressure.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
That "trust/future/possible next wife" etc came up a few times between me and H as well. And I had to tell him I trusted him but not his next wife. He couldnt I would say such a thing. But my words also seem to bring closer to him another side of the reality:joggling between wives/ex wives, new and past life and his dear kids... The thought must have been scary...
I've never mentioned that to him before, but it WILL come up in the coparenting plan and separation agreement. I see present and/or future entanglements playing a big role in H's life.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
So I was snuggling with the children this morning, S6 was joking around about spanking. The truth is that he doesn't really know what a spanking really is. I explained what it was, and said that I believe that hurting people isn't a way of solving problems, and that I try to help my children behave by working on solutions with them. The S6 says "well Papa isn't a very good example of that because he shouts and punches*". I just validated that that doesn't feel good.
Children are more and more reluctant to cooperate with H and spend time with him. He doesn't realize that under the circumstances of separate residences, a screw-up like Wednesday is going to take more effort on his part to reconnect afterwards. The built-in bonding of living together is not present. I predict reluctance on the children's part when the next sleepovers come around.
* Clarification: H does not punch the children to my knowledge. But the occasional hit or rough handling is extremely upsetting to my children.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Running around today getting ready for D's 4th birthday party tomorrow. They are a lot of work, but so fun.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
