I'm not sure what you mean by 'the course of his character' though. Could you expand on that?
I was just implying that everyone, us included, is a work in progress, and thus we're all on our own path to growth (or stagnation or devolution, as the case may be). But each particular path is one we each choose for ourselves. We cannot force someone to take a path that parallels our own. So I am asking whether Gabe is currently on a course of character development that truly represents someone you love, assuming he's not "there" already.
In other words, are you satisfied with who Gabe is and where he's going -- and are you feeling the impulse to try to do something about changing that?
I am reflecting more and more on the common observation that many women believe they can change a man to match their expectations. And, by contrast, many men will allow themselves to be ignorant of a woman's true character flaws, rather than try to change them. It's self-delusion in either case. I'm not accusing you or anyone of making this mistake, but I have to ask.
I am hoping that we LBS's, given our experiences, would now have more clarity going forward. I would hope that if anyone could learn from our mistakes, it would be our group. Know what I mean?
Like we say here, only you can make the final determination what is best for yourself in any given situation, because you are the one closest to your sitch, naturally. But the rest of us should still query you all the same, to help you examine things from all angles.
My STBXW and I are opposite, I think. I married her thinking she "needed" me, believing being around me would bring out the best or change her.
She believes people can't change so even though I did a lot of soul searching in the past year and realized how I treated her subtly changed over the years it doesn't matter to her.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Your fears are so understandable. I think the thing is, as Jeff has said to me, there were never anymore guarantees before (the bomb) than there are now. I really think though that nothing will be as bad as the first time, I know we all never want to go back to there. A little bit of you now is always protected and you don't have the fear anymore that you won't be ok if the worst were to happen.
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I'm scared of the emotional pain that is coming when he decides he's had enough of playing 'happy family' and needs something exciting.
Not 'when' Mishka, if!! Don't be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Gabe has now experienced 'more exciting' and guess what, it wasn't!
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Gabe will do whatever he will do. He either wants to have a new R with me or he doesn't. I don't know, he won't say. However, his actions and attitude are telling me that he may be considering it.
I think you answered your own question there if you re-read it. Patience I hate that word lol!
One of the many things I have learnt is that life is not predictable, that is what makes it wonderful and terrible!
I hate that word lol!