Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I just can't take it anymore

Mate, I spend my days watching people watch their children/spouses/parents/siblings die; telling parents that unfortunately despite best efforts their child died whilst they weren't there; parents beside themselves with worry and grief and uncertainty as their baby or child unexpectedly lies in an intensive care unit fighting for it's life.

These are very sobering to be around. We have all got it lucky right now.

Many of those I see in the worst situations still crack a joke, give a smile and do positive things, even if it is only to agree to organ donation. They humble me every day. I strive to be like them in times of adversity - to see the small positive amongst the huge negative, to grasp it and carry it and use it.

TAKE CONTROL!
CHOOSE POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE.
NEGATIVE IS NOT NICE TO BE AROUND!

probably attempt another overdose like I did yesterday? who knows. It'd have to be something different though that was extremely ineffective. Just got sick as a dog.

Like I said it's easy FOR 90 percent of this board to say "suck it up" but they are not in my position.

I cannot drive.
I have disabilities and emotional issues that I cannot resolve even though I've tried to work push forward and got handed a pink slip due to having too many unresolved disabilities.

I don't see my kids. I just sit here setting goals and nothing gets done.

Let me give you my vision

left eye

20/200 without hard contact I just got in april
20/50 with contact in eye

right eye

20/lp (light precision)
20/? who knows after eye surgery

Diabetes that is so screwed up that I almost died in the hospital TRYING TO GO TO HOSPITAL TO GET INSURANCE after going to a freaking eye appointment and being unconscious for over 90 mins.

Possible epilepsy who freaking knows

Disability benefits denied two times with social security stating this

1st denial: I have perfect vision in both my eyes even though I had 50 million supporting documents from 3 different doctors stating different.

2nd denial: We know you may need special care but we think you can be retrained to do something else. Welp I tried that. lasted all of a week before I got fired

So yep I should be jumping for joy and doing summersaults about sitting here setting goals and getting nothing done.

Getting a job only to have it yanked away. Getting diagnosed with illnesses only to have them go untreated?

Having all these illogical thoughts because said treatments are not occuring yet everyone online and offline excepts me to be his

lalalalallalalalaalalalalalalla

smurfity mcsmurf able to reason and digest things properly

I'm with DLS on that one. I didn't have the health issues, but I did have Police issues not really similar, but in some ways just as troublesome. My Ex was a Barber . . . in the Barber shop most of the Local Police used because they gave free haircuts. She was on a first name basis with pretty much ALL the police in our town, and she abused that greatly to my expense. I finally got a handle on that by complaining directly to the Sheriff, who at first thought I was full of crap . . .but a few hours later called me back and apologized and told me it would stop . . .which it mostly did.

Anyway, not sure why a few people on here seem to think beating people down and insulting the crap out of them is a real good way of "helping' you, but, having been in your shoes, at least somewhat, I know from personal experience that when you really are getting "kicked in the head by life" so-to-speak, we tend to look at every little annoying thing in life as just another kick in the head. Which isn't a good mindset.

Sounds like you do need to change your environment, like others suggested, that did help me. It didn't 'make everything better' not by a longshot actually . . .but it was better. And when you're as down as you seem to be, every little bit helps. Hang in there, God loves ya, we're his children, but just like a good parent, some things He just has to let "us kids" come to grips with pretty much on our own. Make no mistake, God can . . .and possibly has, already, even if unbeknownst to you, intervened a bit on your behalf, but largely, we have to handle the details ourselves. Bad things do happen to good people unfortunately. Just keep plugging away man, and do what you can to help yourself. Change a few things. Join a Gym or something, take a college or community center class on wood turning or something, join a club of some sort. But hang in there.

and no one thinks i've done that? lol I've spent hours walking places fighting through issues sticking it out cracking jokes and trying to be encouraging and happy.

I've set aside my own feelings to help and encourage others and sacrifice and work my butt off for people.

It's only so long you can fake it. I can't fake it no more. i'm fed up angry pissed off and tired of faking it.

I'm tired of being mr positiivity for everyone. That's one of the main things people say now.

They don't see the smile or laughter in me anymore. The person who always saw the light at the end of the tunnel

Well TOUGH [censored] TITTY.

i just want to break things. windows chairs whatever I can get my hands on. And this IS NOT HOW I USED TO BE AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IM THIS [censored] WAY AND I CAN'T GET SUPPORT OR HELP FROM FAMILY OR FRIENDS AT ALL

I BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A YEAR BEGGING FOR HELP AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WTF IS WRONG NOBODY CAN TELL ME.

ALL THEY SAY IS HANG IN THERE. YOU'LL GET THE HELP DAMNIT I'M ON THE CLIFF READY TO JUMP OFF

I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NOM REONOERIAHRFOHEAPHGFLKAHEGKLJAHGTFBSJDB;LFDJ KHDL2 cm,nm0-9qbsqnm ,n]';l

college? nope not an option. cannot use blind waiver. had a seizure at school and ranted and raved (school knew I had seizures) and they just put criminal trespassing on me. So that's down the drain.

same at local gym. This behaviour has been going on for awhile with everyone now avoiding me like i have an airborne pathogen that can kill them on site.

But when others (especially WAW) went through this type of crap I was there.

I just want to end it all. I can't deal with it no more. Nobody can relate. I'm tired of it. Some days some hours i'm fine. The next day I feel like I have roid rage and have no control of ANYTHING AT ALL. it can even vary from minute to minute hour to hour etc etc. This is NOT NORMAL. YET NOT A SINGLE SOUL CAN BE PATIENT AND UNDERSTAND ME. THOSE CLOSEST HAVE PRETTY MUCH ABANDONED ME UNLESS THEY NEED SOMETHING FROM ME

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Vent all you want. Let it all out. You're entitled to it.

yEP AND I USED TO THINK THE SAME. E VERYDAY IS A NEW DAY TO HIT THE RESET BUTTON. BUT ALL I HEAR IS EVERY MISTAKE I'VE MADE IN MY LIFE. FROM MY PARENTS. FROM WAW.

NOTHING I'VE TRIED TO DO GOOD MATTERS. THEY KNOW I'M NOT FREAKING NORMAL

THEY'VE SEEN THE REPORTS FROM THE DOCTORS AND COUNSELORS. SO WHY THE HECK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO BE THAT WAY?

BECAUSE FOR YEARS I'VE BEEN ABLE TO DEAL WITH IT? I CAN'T ANYMORE. I DON'T KNOW HOW.

YOU'RE TOO SMART FOR THIS. YOU USED TO BE SO STRONG AND HAPPY. YOU ARE A WARRIOR OVERCOMING EVERYTHING. YOU'LL BE FINE. BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR EVERYONE.

DAMNIT WHAT THE HELL ABOUT ME? I'M FIGHTING ALL BY MYSELF AND DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE

I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN TO DEAL WITH THIS. I'M SERIOUS. I WISH I WOULDA JUST DIED IN THE HOSPITAL 2 WEEKS AGO OR YESTERDAY AND JUST BEEN PUT OUT OF MY MISERY LIKE A HORSE WITH A BROKEN LEG

James, would you consider calling a suicide hot line?

Do you think that somewhere, somehow there is *something* that can be done? Not for the long term, not for the short term but for today?

I understand when you are all jumbled up inside due to emotional and physical distress it is hard to remember everything. It seems though that you tell us one thing then we try and work off the information you have provided then you get angry about the responses and change the information.

What would be helpful to you right now?

James,

Calm down. I think it's safe to say we have all felt a little like dying during all of this. Part of us does die. We have to let the part that is still inside flourish and grow. No easy task and it takes time.

Get the help that you need. Vent here all you want. People who don't even know you are worried about you. This is a life changing event. You have to make the decision to deal with it no matter how hard it seems to be at any given time. Go off somewhere and cry, scream, and get it all out. But, be done with it for a while. The feelings creep back, it's normal. What is not normal or healthy, is not dealing with them. We all hurt. I don't think you are hurting any more than me, or CG, or anyone else that has found themselves in this shi77y situation.

I don't know what else to say. GET SOME HELP. Please!

probably because my memory is very shytty. It's all over the report. My iq has dropped by 20 points. I dont explain things the right way anymore. Everything comes out all jumbled up and wrong.

When I talk to people I have to think hard about words otherwise sometimes I stare off into space and zone out. I get upset quickly. I get really mad for no reason osmetimes.

and i probably lost WAW forever because of this behaviour that I don't understand. Thing is I saw her go through this and I was there. But me? I'm avoided. but I scare myself too. So go figure.

EVERYBODY READS THE DAMN REPORTS AND DOESN'T GET IT? THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND? OR MAYBE I'M JUST TOO MUCH OF A LIABILITY AND BURDEN FOR THEM TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

ONE THING I DO REMEMBER IS HOW WAW BEGGED ME TO HANG IN THERE WITH HER. TO NOT GIVE UP ON HER WHEN SHE WAS PRETTY MUCH AT THE POINT I'M AT. EVEN ALOT WORSE. NOW YOU JUST ABANDON ME?