Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Getting past feeling like a victim is very important. Let's face it, we're all victims to some degree or other. It's how you deal with those feelings - recognizing that you cannot change another, that it's not personal (if your H had a different woman he married instead of you, she'd be going through this right now) - and the only one you can change is yourself.
Hmmm Rysmom.. Which person is in control of yours and your son's lives and destiny? You, or your MLC having walk away husband? I think you feel like it's your H, but it should be YOU. Why are you giving him that control? Is he worthy of it right now?
As far as men having it easier and coming out of this better... the one who is not in MLC and has his/her head screwed on straight is the one who will come out better. The one who learns and improves and perserveres through all of the difficulty. The one who makes themselves a victim and lays down and dies is the one who will come out on the worse end of things.
Believe me, I have watched my exH sink lower and lower for the last two years since we have been apart. Continues to this day. No job, no home, nothing except being a victim and blaming everyone else for his circumstances. It hasn't gotten him anywhere besides in a deeper pit.
I on the other hand have come through it intact and am living a pretty good life.
You need to start living your life in such a way that YOU are in control of your destiny and you know that you will be fine. Even if you don't feel it right now, you need to make yourself push through.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Getting past feeling like a victim is very important. Let's face it, we're all victims to some degree or other.
The article I linked to is very interesting:
Quote:
Victim identity locks the parties into a reactive narcissism that prevents them from seeing their partners apart from their emotional reactions to them. When I feel good, I put you on a pedestal; when I feel bad, you're inadequate or abusive. [...]
Victim identity not only worsens abusive relationships, it keeps people stuck in them: "The only way I can feel okay is if you get over your self-obsession and make me okay."
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Believe me, I have watched my exH sink lower and lower for the last two years since we have been apart. Continues to this day. No job, no home, nothing except being a victim and blaming everyone else for his circumstances. It hasn't gotten him anywhere besides in a deeper pit.
SOOO true. Remember that you are the one that has the option of taking the high road right now, and making your life the BEST it can be for you and your son. Your H is taking the low road and probably will for the foreseeable future. Don't let that drag you down! You're doing great, keep it up!!!
