Forgive me for not having read your whole story, but your last post just really spoke to me.
My H is using the excuse to me that he doesn't want DD growing up thinking that our relationship is what a normal relationship is. He told me he feels that our relationship has never been "normal" because I "always had to have my way, and never considered" his feelings in important matters and tried to "control" his actions so he'd always be dependent on me. I can't believe this is his thinking, but he's using it as an excuse to not work on the marriage.
I feel showing our DD that no matter what problems arrise in a marriage, trying to work through them and making the family stronger are more important.
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
When I first came here all I wanted to teach them was to fight for what you believe in regardless of how bad you got hurt...Along the path that changed to being true to yourself no matter what...
At some point, if we still end up getting D, I hope I can also transition into this kind of thinking.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
I don't bad mouth him, I don't disrespect him and I don't judge him or his actions around the boys...I know for a fact he doesn't show me the same respect, however it is extremely important to me that my boys see me take the high road as much as possible...
This is what they will take away from this awful situatiion. And they will always remember this.
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
Along the path that changed to being true to yourself no matter what...My H and the troll can demonize me all they want, to whomever will listen....No matter what they say, the respect I garnered from my sons' based on my actions will never be taken from me and that is what matters the most to me...
Never.
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
My 14 year old sat with me on Saturday night and said the following to me - "I would rather live in a trailer on food stamps with you and my brother then with Daddy/OW in a house with a pool."
Well, now, that may be the first time I ever welled up reading one of your posts. You are handling it all so well and are truly blessed.
The material things don't matter Amen. amen, Amen!
You are fast becoming my hero
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
No forgiveness needed and I welcome you to my thread.
Originally Posted By: elvencat
My H is using the excuse to me that he doesn't want DD growing up thinking that our relationship is what a normal relationship is. He told me he feels that our relationship has never been "normal" because I "always had to have my way, and never considered" his feelings in important matters and tried to "control" his actions so he'd always be dependent on me. I can't believe this is his thinking, but he's using it as an excuse to not work on the marriage.
This is spew...Don't listen to it...It is his way to justify his actions and forgive me since I am not up to date on your sitch however will read tomorrow and give you more input on that...
Originally Posted By: elvencat
I feel showing our DD that no matter what problems arrise in a marriage, trying to work through them and making the family stronger are more important.
Thia is exactly how I felt and it took me quite some time to change my thinking...I was willing to put up with anything just to keep my family in tact...Then one day I woke up and no longer wanted to be his doormat...
Yes in a marriage problems will arise however I want to teach my boys that you work on those problems together in a relationship...Not bail at the first sign of trouble...
When my boys grow up and get married, I don't want history to repeat itself...I want to give them the tools needed to be a strong adult...One who respects their spouse...One who will fight with their spouse to keep together what they built...
I never want my sons' to treat their familes like disposable garbage and I will do whatever I have to to make sure they get through this as unscathed as possible.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
The same man who whined and threatened and begged and demanded a D has now decided that apparently I should pay the ultimate price for whatever sins I have committed against his crazy self.
He will not sign the papers, unless it is on his terms...
His terms means he is completely scot-free and goes about his merry little life with FT and we cut all ties completely...He pays not a dime, we split the kids and he gets the freedom he desires.
He won't listen to any other thing...His way or no way...
I will admit I did entertain that thought for a moment and just for a moment...To finally be done and have that final tie that binds us severed...
To bad the man didn't expect me to be as strong as I am...He still continues to tell me it shouldn't matter since he will be dead by the end of the year, however a friend has pointed out he is most likely using that as a way to play on my heart.
Of course I don't want to be the one to drive him to an early grave so I just try to ignore him, yet as long as we are still married in His eyes, I am not free to move forward completely.
He still denies the OW yet they are buying a house together...He still claims they are "just friends"...I think the lying hurts more then the affair itself. He seems to have lost all decency and humanity as a human being.
So now I am getting myself ready for the fight of my life...The fight to get my life back from him...I wish it was easier and I wish he wouldn't be such a tool about each and everything little thing that connects us...
It took me 14 months to agree to a D and go figure, the minute I did, he decided to turn the tables on me.
In other news...Today is little mans' 7th b-day and H actually remembered - Via TEXT message...Little guy doesn't even warrant a phone call on his b-day.
Just sad and utterly pathetic.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I am sorry, but I forget. Has he been court ordered to pay child-support yet? And if he is going to be dead in a year; why is he bothering buying a house with FT?
Happy Birthday Little Guy.
Take care, -T
PS Sorry I haven't been around much. We need to be out of our house in a week and must move a decade's worth of accumulated stuff. And still don't know where all of it will go.
Serenity- are there any temporary support orders in place at the moment? He wouldn't have much of a choice about supporting his kids, temporarily or permanently, if it's court-ordered.
And I understand that moment of entertaining the thought of walking away without him paying a dime, I had the same thought myself recently. Stay strong, and keep fighting! I know it's tiring, but I'm sure this new strong, confident Serenity throws him off his game plan.
Keep taking care of yourself and little man- Hugs, Bunny
