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I'm not clear about what are asking about the 'date thing'.

If you mean about you guys having date nights, I might try this:

<insert wife's name here>, I know we've talked about going on dates and I think it's a great idea. I think it will give us the opportunity to rediscover each other outside of the every day existence of being parents, workers, etc...

I imagine it would be a way to focus on us and to re-ignite our relationship by focusing on us as a couple only. I just want you to know I really want to do it, but I'm going to leave it up to you when we start. I won't initiate anything or ask you out on a date until you begin. I'll leave it up to you for the first few dates and then I'd like to be able to ask you out on dates."

This is making your wants clear. It's drawing a boundary that is clear that you want her to initiate. It also sets the tone for you then initiating after she does it a few times first.

Maybe some other feedback by others would help us in this...

Yeah that's what I meant,and that was a good answer. We had our weekly MC session today, it went well but I left frustrated. She kept her end of the bargain and we met for coffee afterward.

I told her that I no longer feared losing her because i felt that I had already done that. I said what I feared was her losing me because I felt the process already starting. I'm beginning to detach and not worry so much about her and I. We talked for a good while, but it seemed to frustrate me more, so I told her it was time for me to go.

When we got home I had to go out for a walk because I was actually pissed. I came back and told her that we needed to have the floors put in the rental next week so that I could go live there. I let her know that I could not live under the same roof with someone that doesn't want to be with me.

While I was telling her this I looked down at my phone and noticed she had text me while I was out. She said "My marriage is shattered, I put my daughter in jail. I don't know how to deal with any of it and I am ruining my whole world".

She was in the backyard balling her eyes out. She was telling me that she never expected me to come back such a changed person, and that I've done so well since I've been back. She said she's loved me for 17 1/2 years and she can't just stop.

She got the vibe from our conversation that I may cut and run. She said that no matter what I planned to do she will always care about me. She said she was broken and trying to put herself back together so we can work this out, but needed to give her time.

I told her I was trying to remain positive about us, but that I had to take everything with a grain of salt. I let her know that I can't get my hopes up too much, because she's put me on a emotional roller coaster before.

It would appear that she still loves and cares about me, but is too lost and broken herself. She really want's us to rebuild, but needs me to give her time.

I'm just unable to do it while living in the same house together. It's difficult to not be with her, but it's even harder being with her and not being with her at the same time.

It's nice to hear her tell me how she feels, but it's also sad to see her broken like this. hate this, but I'm strong enough to deal with this right now. It doesn't mean it isn't frustrating as hell, but I can deal with this and take care of life.

It was kind of interesting to hear one thing from her. For years she seemed to never be jealous or worried about me cheating on her. When she told her friends how I was acting early on, they all said it sounded like I was cheating on her. For the record I never have nor would I ever do that.

She said she started thinking about it and wondered if I have. She went to co-workers and people I was deployed with last time and asked if I had or was. Of course they told her no, and she said she felt stupid for listening to others and even more stupid for asking about it.

I just found that one interesting because she has never appeared to worry about that one with me. It was kind of nice that she did in fact feel jealousy towards me.

All positive signs tbart. You stuck reality in her face and she actually looked at it. You're doing great man. I'd love to see you become one of the few people who actually save their marriage here. That would definitely make my day.

Now sit back and see what happens. Don't put any more pressure on her. It's obvious she knows where she is - broken and confused - and she sees what she is/has done.

It's great she is struggling that she loves you so much. It takes a lot of time for them to balance out in something like this. How old are you two? Do you think it's a midlife crisis mixed in here?

Just keep doing what you're doing. Stand up and take care of yourself. Keep DB'ing.

To answer your question I'm 38 and she's 37. There could be a little bit of MLC mixed in there. She doesn't really question things she wants to do, but she has brought up that she expected we'd further along at this point in our marriage.

My w called before she came home and asked what I was doing tonight? I had planned on taking myself to a movie, but i asked what she had in mind. She asked if I was interested in going out for a few drinks and shoot some pool after D4 went to bed.

She said I had done nothing but remodel the rental and take care of the girls since I've been home and deserved to go out for some drinks.

I was really surprised and happy about this at the same time. So we're going out together tonight for the first step in this long get to know each other process. I'll let you know how it goes.

Good luck!

We went out together and had a really good time. Nothing out of the ordinary, just had a good time with each other.

The goof ball just text me from the other room while we're trying to go to sleep that if she wasn't so tired we could have stayed longer. She said it was a good night and coffee in the morning. Remember we're in the same house, but separate rooms and she's texting me this. She said I deserved a night out.

Today I took D15 and a few of her friends out on the boat. It was nice to see her have a good time, and it was fun and relaxing for me. My W took D4 to the zoo. D4 had a good time, but preferred to go boating.

After dinner I took myself to the movies. I'm pretty sure that's the first time since we've been married that I went off and went to the movies alone.

So it was a relaxing fun filled day for me. Spent it with my daughter and with myself.

Good for you tbart. The texting from the other room is flirting. Let the process move at its own pace. Don't push it. Pretend you guys just first met. When it was then I bet you weren't pushing anything along, but rather taking the ride and enjoying it. You have to let go of the fact you guys have a history together and put your mindframe on one of just meeting someone and dating/courting.

Good you're having fun. Enjoy the ride. You never know when the ride will end and you'll be in a pine box. So each day counts in and of itself.

Steady, I'm having a problem forgetting that her and I had a history together. Every time I see her, I see the woman I love and am madly attracted to. It's making it impossible to live in the same house as her.

All I wanted to do yesterday whenever I saw her was touch her, and it was hard as hell not to. It's getting so frustrated that I told her I would be out by the weekend. I just can't live under the same roof with someone who doesn't feel the same as I do.

We're both uncomfortable for different reasons. She's uncomfortable because she doesn't want me. I'm uncomfortable because I unfortunately still want her. The only way for me to move forward and detach from her is to be away from her. I cant pretend to be a family when we aren't.

I like the way things have been going, but there's still something preventing us from moving any farther forward. I've been home for a month, and she says she hasn't had a chance to think about and process things with us.

It's already been a month and she hasn't had a chance? I even let her stay away for 3 weeks. How is she possibly going to find the time now that she's back home? It's nice to see how much of a priority our M is to her.

It's all a bit confusing to me as well as it is to her. i want this to work out, and I'm trying to be patient. The 6 months I was away counts for me, but it doesn't count for her.