Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

Greek said it right- you cannot be afraid.

As for W and M, they are lost right now- it is just you. You cannot be meek or sheepish- it's your house, she wants out, not you- so you go in and she can leave if that's what she want.

If she doesn't want to, she can take the spare bedroom or couch.

It does boil down to respect at this point.

Robx is dead on with his points, blame will be coming your way, so acknowledge it in the fashion as Robx has said.
I agree on staying in the HOME, even a lawyer will tell you don't move out. Use the term Family Home, it is a place for your family not just a house.

It is not meant to be mean, it is just distant and dark. It is a line that can be crossed easily, I know I have. So, you withdraw and you dettach. Think about you getting a life, act as if she is no longer in your life.
Easy, hell no! But as people have said, it is for you.


Got to ask the A question as well? It seems like in a very large percentage of sitchs there is OP.
Forgot, I appreciate your service. I can't even fathom going through this at such a huge geographic distance. Hopefully, you have a ton of stuff to keep you busy.

The more I think about it everyone is right. i have found a place to stay, but home is where I belong. I've been in the desert for six months living in a box. I'm going home, not to a friends house, but to my house. If she feels she can't be under the same roof as me, that's on her. I never asked her to leave. I deserve to stay in my house and see my daughters.

I know we all say it, but I don't suspect an A. The signs haven't really pointed to that. I have conformation she's always at home.

Does your W work?

And TBart ~ she doesn't have to go ANYWHERE to have an EA. You need to be sure about this. It makes a big difference in how you should proceed.

Greek

Yes she works, but I'll be able to find out more when I go home in 3 weeks.

[quote] Remember, I've been gone and they're used to their mom/quote]

You are looking at this wrong. This is your chance to establish stronger bonds with your kids than you have ever had before. That is one good thing that has come from my sitch which has many, many similarities to yours. You don't move out, you learn how to be the single parent, it will be so rewarding and it will keep you motivated!

feelings..... nothing more than feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggssss................

I'm planning on telling her that I'm going home, and when i say home I mean my house. i have no problem with her staying, if she decides to leave that's on her. we'll see what comes out of counseling, because I plan to start that right away. we either see if we can fix this or if we need to move on.

your wife is planning to leave you,
and break up your family in the process and I don't think how that will affect your kids is impacting her decision, follow reality, let it be, it's ok, the kids are resilient and you need to show them that their father is strong, secure, confident, self assured and is going to be their rock during all of this.

Your position needs to be "W, if you want to leave this M, go. Put your Big Girl Panties and live your choices." Then you will begin to see the depth (or lack of) her commitment to the D and the M.

And she may actually walk out of the door. That's not even close to the end, TBart. I left and filed. We never D ~~~ we reconciled. So it can happen!

You do need to get the A questions answered. And I don't mean from her b/c from what I've read on here, most folks deny when asked. I mean you must gather intel - cell phone records, look at her computer, that kind of thing. It is possible for a W to leave without OM to go to. And since she has her own income, that may be. But you still need to know b/c if there is OM, you MUST bust that thing FIRST. Nothing else will work until that soft landing of hers is removed/exposed.

Greek