Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Just found out she already filed

HotRomeo, I haven`t posted much lately, and as you know I`ve detached a lot from my sitch. Coming back to your thread I`m having a very strong reaction to your sitch. I want to be clear that my advice to you is coloured by my own sitch, how I`m feeling today, etc. But you and I are in similar sitches in some ways. The major difference is that you are not financially dependent like I am and you therefore have more latitude to take action.

First, I would love to see you drop the rope. It`s time. At this point I don`t see that you have anything to lose. Your W has filed, and playing `Mr Nice Guy` is getting you nowhere. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Time for a drastic 180. Fake it until you make it. Catapult yourself out of victim mode and put yourself in the driver`s seat. Read a bunch of stuff by Gnosis, Puppy, Coach, Robx, gucci and get them on your thread if you can.

Second, you`re coming off as depressed to me. It will be a zillion times easier to deal with your sitch if you deal with the depression. Men have a much harder time with recognizing depression than women do. I recommend using whatever crutches you can to help your PMA and be the best father that you can be during a very difficult life stage.

(((HotRomeo)))

^^^^ Ditto, Ditto, and DITTO.

SR- I agree with everything FM says. It's time to focus on you now and letting go for yourself. If she comes back to you later, fantastic. If not, you'll be a lot happier if you deal with this stuff and make YOU and DD a priority, taking charge of your life.

(with love)

alice

Friends I hear what you guys are saying but I'm not really understanding what I need to do differently. For example, FM said "I would love to see you drop the rope" - OK what does dropping the rope mean in my situation? I felt I was just explaining wii that some of the problems were related to me becoming too accommodating.

When you say don't be Mr. Nice Guy...well I don't think I'm going out of the way to be nice to her but I am trying to maintain an amicable relationship for DD's sake later on.

The letting go part...I feel I already have for the most part but I don't want to lie about it either. Sometimes I do miss her and want her back. My feelings for her change daily.

So I know you guys are trying to help me but can someone give me specific examples so I understand what I'm doing wrong and what I need to do differently?

HotRomeo, go and read up on those guys and then come back and ask questions. Seriously, look up their posts. They lay out the game plan over and over...it`s all there for you to read.

HINT: many of your statements to your W should start with: I`ve decided

I`m not the right person to advise you because I`m not an expert on manly behaviour...but those guys know how it`s done and their wisdom is there for you.

Hey Flowmom, how come you don't tell him to read what I've written...I wrote some great stuff on Dating Like Jesus and coming up with a CD list for Sol at his Frat Party and...OK, you may be right in referring him elsewhere. But SR, if you ever need completely meaningless (but funny) posts, I'm your guy!

wii, I read your advice and posts already and most of them really are funny!

FM, thanks I've started reading some of their posts but I haven't yet found a 'plan' or a 'strategy'. I'll keep searching.

Journaling:
So DD didn't call me yesterday and I wasn't going to not talk to her tonight too. So instead I called and STBXW answered the phone. I just said "Can I talk to DD please?" - I didn't say hi or anything. She kinda fumbled "hi, mmm yeah hold on a sec, she's having strawberries". No response from me, then she hands the phone to DD. I didn't feel like being nice to STBXW especially since she's been ignoring my emails.

DD and I had such a nice long conversation tonight. She kept telling me how she missed me and then she turned to her mom and said "mommy can daddy come visit another time?" then she said "daddy, mommy said you can come tomorrow for mother's day". I said "no sweetie tomorrow's mother's day and mommy probably made plans to spend time with you, (roommate), (roommate's D) but I'll pick you up from school on Mon".

Then we just talked and talked and laughed and joked for half an hour. She was in a good mood and wanted to keep talking probably because her friend (roommate's D) wasn't there tonight. Lately she's been saying that the 7yo is mean to DD. So again tonight she said but this time whispering it. I'm sure STBXW told her to not say that or not say it in front of the girl's mom so DD whisphered it instead. I guess the honeymoon period maybe coming to an end and hopefully STBXW and the roommate buddy are starting to get on eachother's nerves too! hey one can wish!

So I plan on staying completely dark tomorrow not even texting Happy Mother's Day to her. Unless you guys advise differently?

I think you should go dark. stbxw is, after all, not your mother. Once you get more on solid ground w/ whatever is to come from here, that will be different. But it might help for her to see that this is part of losing the M. It means no more happy b'days, mother's days, etc...

But of course, I am a bitch.

Even the serious ones?

I haven`t had the pleasure of reading your posts . I`ll be sure to look then up when I can.

Help your D with mother`s day. nothing from you