Maybe I can just leave the bath salts and say, "I know you worked really hard the last few days, here are some salts if you want to take a bath while I'm making dinner." let her decide if she wants to do that, then I'm not doing it for her.
W wants to talk on sunday about how we are going to split everything up. She isn't moving until November, why does she need to do this so soon? I lost it and told her I was trying to become a better man to save our M but she said it didn't matter. She saw I was trying to be better but she is leaving.
Is this were I really have to dig in and try and keep positive? I know she has been hurt for a long time and my actions in a week won't put a dent in it. I don't know how you keep positive in a sitch like this.
She said she is going to start telling people she wants a divorce. I don't care about doing anything for other people but it is going to get so hard to deal with when everyone knows.
Is this when you don't believe anything they do and half of what they say? Is she really expressing her pain and distrust? I don't want to get in a position where I start to give up buut it's killing me.
Is this when you don't believe anything they do and half of what they say? Is she really expressing her pain and distrust? I don't want to get in a position where I start to give up buut it's killing me.
Yes.
If you're like me when my W started to tell people she was leaving I felt ashamed and embarassed about a failed M. Time will heal this feeling.
I have a meeting with my W next week to discuss division. My W has been out of the house since 11/01/2010.
Your W still lives there. Make the best of your time. Show composure when in the home together.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Thanks gr8, sorry to hear about your sitch. I know I'm in a tailspin right now.
How are you aproaching the division talk? Are you going along with it? I'm not trying to make things any more difficult for either one of us.
I do feel somewhat ashamed and embarrased about others know but really I don't care about them, I just want to try and work on my R. It will just be harder to deal with daily life if people are always bringing it up or walking on eggshells around me.
I need to keep up what I've done for the last week and a half right? Focus on the changes that make me better, try and have a PMA all the time around her and not persue her? Right?
If I have already let you know this, my apologies, but I had something similar and it eventually calmed down. I wasn't sure what to do either. My C advised me to go along with her. I guess it's an action that shows you hear what she's saying and understand how she's feeling.
In my case, we started the division. Ran into a couple of stumbling blocks the FIRST day we were doing it (things that are not easy to divide). I was cooperative, but put most of the effort of doing it on my W's shoulders. She started "running out of steam" if you will, but couldn't get angry with me since I was being cooperative.
After a few days, she started changing her mind on how she wanted to handle some things. In my opinion, and I think Greek shared something similar in another thread that I read, when you start taking ACTION like that, it does allow the WAW time to think.
Don't know if it'll happen that way for you, but that's what happened when my W and I started the division stuff.
Tattoo... As ROBX and others have said, you must follow reality.. You cannot fight it. When you do it will only drive her further away. If its meant to be that your together she will come back... As I mentioned to you, I am in a similar situation. I tried and said everything. Its not helping, and finally I am accepting of it. I am following reality.
Who knows, as I have been told you may realize as well that this isnt what you want and you will be happy with somone else..
Dont walk around with a chip on your shoulders. Chin up, and be the better person and accept reality.. Its tough I know as I am having a tough time with my own advice but right now time apart may be what the doctor ordered..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
I went through my thread and re-read alot of things I missed the first time. I really need to focus on not letting my emotions get in the way. I am really battling with trying not to do things that are persuing. That was a big part of what I lacked before. I really want to show her I care but you are all right, it's just making things worse. I will just be cooperative with the division, it's just stuff, it doesn't define how my R will play out. Right?
W wants to talk on sunday about how we are going to split everything up. She isn't moving until November, why does she need to do this so soon? I lost it and told her I was trying to become a better man to save our M but she said it didn't matter. She saw I was trying to be better but she is leaving. Is this were I really have to dig in and try and keep positive? I know she has been hurt for a long time and my actions in a week won't put a dent in it. I don't know how you keep positive in a sitch like this.
She said she is going to start telling people she wants a divorce. I don't care about doing anything for other people but it is going to get so hard to deal with when everyone knows.
Is this when you don't believe anything they do and half of what they say? Is she really expressing her pain and distrust? I don't want to get in a position where I start to give up buut it's killing me.
Help.
You really need to stop being so reactive. This is still pursuing behavior. I understand its hard but you need to find a way to keep your emotions in check.
W wants to talk on sunday about how we are going to split everything up. She isn't moving until November, why does she need to do this so soon? I lost it and told her I was trying to become a better man to save our M but she said it didn't matter. She saw I was trying to be better but she is leaving. Is this were I really have to dig in and try and keep positive? I know she has been hurt for a long time and my actions in a week won't put a dent in it. I don't know how you keep positive in a sitch like this.
She said she is going to start telling people she wants a divorce. I don't care about doing anything for other people but it is going to get so hard to deal with when everyone knows.
Is this when you don't believe anything they do and half of what they say? Is she really expressing her pain and distrust? I don't want to get in a position where I start to give up buut it's killing me.
Help.
You really need to stop being so reactive. This is still pursuing behavior. I understand its hard but you need to find a way to keep your emotions in check.
