Not all will agree with this, but I will chime in and say that if you are moving in the direction of an intimate relationship with another person, then you really should put the finishing touches to your marriage first.
Your wife boffing another man does not give you some moral high ground to do the same. You either hold a principle on this matter, or you don't. If extramarital sex is ok with you, then there is no reason to be so hung up about what your wife is doing.
You can't have it both ways.
Personally, a four day visit with a man she met specifically to have a sexual relationship with would be MUCH MORE than enough for me to choose to cut her out of my life.
She could not disrespect you more than by doing what she did.
Again, I'm not saying you cannot date or find yourself a successive string of bed partners if that's how you're constructed inside. But if you're going to go that route, do it because that's who you are. Don't do it because it would "serve her right."
And for pete's sake, give her a divorce first.
At the very least you then get to maintain a shred of personal integrity.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
If she sees me as a weak person unable to move on or she sees me as a desireable man by other women, maybe she will have seconed thoughts. She has been having seconed thoughts about going back to boston and having a long term relationship that cant possibly go any where unless she moves there. and I dont think she would leave our son for anyone.
So you're cool with being the back up plan?
Really?
You'd be satisfied to have your wife "by default?"
Hmmm.....
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Im not sleeping with anyone i have gone to lunch with two people I havent done anything to disrespect the vows i took 18 years ago. but to sit back and to show that I havent been able to move on makes me look like a scolded dog with his tale between his legs. just waiting for the slight chance she might have a change of heart is a sign of weakness, and I think anyone would be able to see that. I wouldnt consider the situation having her back by default I look at it as she sees she made a mistake and would willingly reconcile. There would have to be some serious changes before I would ever take her back but you have to do what you have to do to achieve the the goal
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
wife has taken new intrest in things that I have always loved or wanted to do such as biking kayaking fishing bon fires etc. I understand these are sparked by the other man but I cant help but to think if she could have noticed these things a year ago our marriage most likly wouldnt be where it is my question is should I bring this to her attention, or should I keep my mouth shut? has anyone had a similar situation, and what did you do.
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
Moving on or moving forward does not have to include dating. You can find other interests and meet new people without it being dating. I have managed to successfully move on or forward without a single date.
wife and I had a long talk about 2 weeks ago I asked her if she had any doubts sbout divorcing she shouldnt move on with other man. she expressed that she had doubt and agreed to go out for dinner last friday night I had the best day I have had in such a long time. come to find out she had a argument with other man and she deleted himm from her facebook then she is ready to consider starting to reconcile. last friday night was the best night I have had in such a very long time. at the end of the evening we hugged but it was more like holding each other then I walked her to her car and we kissed, it was very passionate, there was no mistaken what was happening between us. then friday night she talked to the other man and all was lost once again. I told her today that I was done and that I wished her the best of luck with what ever would make her happy I cant continue with this mind [censored] any longer I'm sorry for any dissapointment
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
I understand, David. Who wants to be their own wife's second choice, only a fall-back position when things aren't go so well in affair-land??
Stay strong and unwavering in your stance. I suspect that if you do, you may get a second chance at how to handle her wanting to reconcile with you. If/when she does, just tell her "I'm not sure how I feel about that anymore. I'll have to think about it some, and get back to you," and then come and post here.
We could have told you the pitfalls of Friday night, and better equipped you.
went back to divorce remedy (thank god) putting last resort back into action. I don't understand some things that are happening, last night at my sons baseball game the wife came and sat next to me, after a few words I moved to the other side of the back stop, and she followed 30 minutes later and started talking about her day it's very hard to figure out whats actually happening. To top it all off she called me three times today asking me to have our son go to her house and cut the grass, but it was pouring down rain all day. This doesn't make any sense. the most I can make of this is she must be very confused, and it makes it very hard to distance myself.
me 46 w 42 m 18 years this april two boys 24 & 14 bomb nov. 9 2009 still fighting to hold on
