Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers W still wants separation, need to DB more

this all sounds good to me. You know, it's all a myth that everybody else is happy. Happiness is a state of mind. if you want to be happy, then change your mind. Everyone looking at these pictures on facebook will assume that your wife is happy. They will not be seeing what you see. But she doesn't see into other people's lives either. who really is happy?

OIN,

IMHO, it sounds like you should just continue to be kind to her, but not too giving. When she acts rude to you, let it go or say something like "I don't appreciate it when you talk like that to me. It's rude and uncalled for." Then just walk away.

Right now you may be a little too giving.

I know you're beating yourself up over what you did in the past, but it is what it is. Start letting her come to you a little. The fact that she put up your pictures and calls you over to talk are good steps.

Does she still take your phone to check on it? If you're seeing that cut down, then it sounds like it's improving.

BTW,

There are others who have taken the softer approach and made it, so don't let anyone discourage you if you feel or see that what you're doing is right. Only you can make the decision for your life.

Maybe I have been too giving. I usual only do if she asks. I don't randomly give or get for my W. If she asks of me then I have no problem doing.

My W is VERY moody. For example when I came home from work this morning my W had work up coughing non-stop hovering over the sink spitting up all her congestion....She looked and sounded vulnerable. Then this morning my W is getting ready to go and her whole attitude has shifted. She now is being short with me...When I said something to her she would respond "What?" in a very stern tone.

Most times I want to say something back but bite my tongue because I don't think what I would say or the tone I would respond in will sound or be constructive. I don't want it to turn argument about her feelings toward me.

==============

When our sitch first began I wanted to do everything for her without her asking, then I learned that was not healthy. Then there was a period my W "could do for herself" and did everything for herself to show me she is very capable. Now she calls on me often...to engage in a conversation or whatever it maybe.

My W once in a while will look at my phone but nothing like it use to be. She simply picks it up while it is sitting out in the open and then sets it back down. I really don't mind and in most cases I use that to my advantage.

she is sick,
people who are sick feel like crap,
don't expect them to be loving, caring and friendly, she wasn't any of these things just before she got sick but you expect her to lighten up and be caring, cheery and happy while she's coughing up a lung?! Seriously? Give her some space, she is sick and she wants to rest and get over her sickness, she doesn't want to think about your relationship and improving it or becoming a better partner for you, just do your thing and let her be.

Robx
The above post is EXCELLENT advice! Do I sense compassion?

LOL!

- I'm not an a$$hole if that's what you meant from your last post GMAN and you don't have to be a mind reader either for every situation you happen to be in, common sense and cooler heads usually prevail and forget to use reality as your guide, it is what it is, and having compassion isn't a bad thing and there is a difference between that and being an a$$ kissing wussy

- stay thirsty my friends ;-)

Robx

Not what I meant at all Robx....didn't mean to offend. It was meant very lighthearted.

that's why I laughed,
I definitely wasn't offended, no worries bro ;-)

W had went to get her teeth whitened today. Something she wanted to do for a very long time. Something I have convinced her not to do in the past, she already had an amazing bright smile and to pay for the procedure would just be a waste of money I thought (even the dentist said "I don't know how much whiter they can get"). So she went through with it...

W returned home and I just left her alone. She brought the dog up to see me and show me a trick the dog just learned. I did not engage in much conversation just going about my business for the most part. W cooked something to eat and asked me if I wanted some. I thanked her.

W feel to sleep so I thought it would be a good time to clean the bathroom, at one point W woke up coughing, turned the bathroom door handle but then walked away, I called her name a few times bust she did not respond. I walked into the bedroom and called her name a couple more times but she did not respond. I then just said "The bathroom is open if you wanted to get in there" and she just made a "ummhmm" noise and did not budge as if she was in a deep sleep.

I admit I was on the verge of losing my cool but I said nothing and walked out the room.