Thanks for your support, Gatsby, the downside to too much contact in combination with still loving my WH and wanting reconciliation. Am thinking that if I do get to a point where I don't want to reconcile then the contact won't bother me. Or once he has divorced me even!
But it is very very hard.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I see that your H is doing what all new dads do--he is wanting to interact with someone on the wonders of their new offspring. You are in such a powerful and unique position as the mother of something that he adores and feels is an extension of himself.
I'm sure H didn't realize how much he would identify with S before he was born (most men don't realize). But your care of S and your tender interaction with him is something you should let your H see. Show a level of warmth that will never be duplicated by OW. Not spoiling, of course, but you could coo how handsome he is, smart, he did this today, he did that--treat S as your H may want to be treated (what is his LL?----if it is words really "talk it up" with S with lots of compliments. If it is "physical touch", touch S in very tender, loving ways--lots of little kisses. If it is "gifts", make sure to have little "things" to give to S in front of your H.
In my case, my H's LL is "Acts of Service" and yes, a clean house and making good smelling meals is vital. Make your house warm and inviting--a cozy place for both of you. Let H see that S's needs (and in turn a part of him) are priority to you. Do "acts of service" for S. (my S wasn't a baby so I'm not sure how I would do that but maybe "jump up" quickly when he cries, that sort of thing).
I was pretty indifferent to H UNTIL he began talking about S. Then, I got very happy, animated, really went to town on all S's fabulous behavior (and you are lucky--babies change so quickly you would never run out of things to talk about). Don't go on too long--maybe 10-15 minutes of that--and then go back to indifferent. It's almost like you would LOVE to go on and on, but the sitch being what it is, you can't because your H has made the choices that HE has made.
I think you are doing an awesome job with GAL. Your H will absolutely pick up on that--it's a truly strange phenomena I think, but they "smell" when you are "doing things differently" and have something else on your mind.
And the above behaviour, with even the smallest "hint" that someone else may be the recipient of all your S's charms, would be a powerful magnet to start pulling him back to you.
