Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives The journey begins

CTH,Good? That's a milestone.
And don't it feel good?
Doesn't cancel out any of the other sitch crap, but it's good.

And this: For 11 months, anyone asking how I was doing would get at least a five minute response on the latest stuff.
Is just automatic.

Did you read the section in the Journey to Abandonment book where Susan Anderson says that in her experience, every LBH - to a man - has to - is compelled to - give complete blow-by-blow accounts to everyone every time in the beginning. A way to validate their (our) very real trauma that pervades our every waking moment for months.

"... every LBH - to a man - has to - is compelled to - give complete blow-by-blow accounts to everyone every time in the beginning. A way to validate their (our) very real trauma that pervades our every waking moment for months."

Sometimes, talking about it is a good thing. It keeps those sour and painful emotions from getting trapped inside us and permeating our being. It's truly a form of healing. THAT's WHY this Web site and its forums are a good thing. THAT's WHY nobody on here should flame/crash/burn/joke about, or blast those of us who may be hurting. Talking to and about our spouses, who left us, is a form of HEALING and REALIZATION that no one can feel for us. It's, IMHO, just a little jog in the journey of truer understanding.

Regardless of where you are in your own thread/journey, please never, never judge the poor guy or gal who's just trying to find their own way. It's not a matter of "alienation" as some seem to believe. It's -- in a a manner of speaking -- survival mode.

Just my .01 cent.

peon poet

Went to my Marriage Rebuilders class -- which is really a divorce support group.

It got me refocused away from STBXW and her house fantasies.

Yes, Awest, in the back of my head I'm wondering if something fishy is going on. I still think it's STBXW not really understanding the finances again. We'll see.

The Marriage Rebuilders classes are done now until August. I stayed after to sign up as a table leader in the fall.

They've been a God send -- although last fall's classes helped me more because I was in such pain.

I think by the fall I'll be ready to help others navigate this mess.

For now, I think I'll be glad to have my Tuesdays open again.

More walks and runs -- my bike was stolen so I'll need to pick up another one.

Tomorrow is D11's talent show and she's one of the three hosts. So she's in all of the talent show. She's excited. It's my night though and this takes time from me, but there are years to go.

Oh, poet, don't think for a moment I was knocking it or those who do it. Nor was the author. We do it. We have to. We can't not do it. I did it for months. With everybody! Now I do it less often and only occasionally with my brother, often with God, and always here!

I am thankful that for the most part I have reached the point - like CTH has - of just shrugging and saying "nothing," when someone asks what's new with the sitch. Or on those rare occasions when someone who I haven't seen for a while says, "what happened?!", I can now simply say, "She left. We're divorced now."

And "Amen" to that.

Yes, Gardener, I have to find a good one sentence description of the end of a 14-year marriage.

I haven't quite figured it out.

Weird struggles today. Ranging wildly from focusing on today and staying on the financial plan to despair that I'm going to be poor forever and wistfulness over past memories.

I soooo want this D process to be over so at least I know what I'm battling financially.

Hmmm...my answer to someone yesterday was, "He decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore"...

Because that's what it came down to...we didn't D because of his affairs, I would have worked through them. We didn't D because of lies or grudges or any of that. We D'd because he looked at his options, working through things with me or moving on without me, and he chose. Besides acquaintances/distant friends don't really need to be privy to all the details...at least not in my small town!

OK, I like that one, BBJ.

How about.

"I couldnt' make her happy anymore."

I prefer the Old Yeller style me self...

"She went rabid and I had to put her down."

Kerry, that's hilarious!

CTH, the only problem I have with yours is that it makes it seem as though YOU were the problem....granted we all help make our marriage the mess it is to a certain extent, but if she chose to leave, I wouldn't put all the onus on you.

Yes, BBJ. You're right. I was trying to somehow work her issues in, but it's hard in one sentence.

I remember another poster said something along these lines:

"For a long time it was good, but in the end it didn't work out."

That might work. I was talking to my sister on the phone and I basically told her right now I "hate" STBXW.

I need some finality on the finances and then some more "victories" or positive developments.

This weekend is working out. It's my only kid free, work free weekend of May and we're putting together a poker game Friday, I'm going to a friend's apartment on Saturday so his buddy can try out a comedy routine before he hits open mic night and then I'm heading to a downtown bar to meet my former co-worker and her friends -- which includes two single/moms, one of which I may ask out as soon as I'm officially single.

Sunday, Mother's Day, church, visit my mom at the cemetery and tennis that night.

The only thing I'm missing is Saturday afternoon.

Too bad BBJ isn't closer. I'd see if she wants to go running.

If it's lousy out I'll go pick up a book, head to work and read/catch up on projects.

I need constructive rage in my down times.