Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers reconciliation after divorce?

Sorry to hear about all this any chance, I am new to this board and these situations. This thread is pretty long, how do you feel now as opposed to when you first posted?

This board is a godsend. One aspect of this dire situation is the feeling of complete aloneness and isolation. You can only talk so much to your friends, and most of them have never been in your space. The folks on this board are a lifesaver. Sometimes they respond, sometimes not. Sometimes with kindness and understanding, sometimes with a well deserved 2x4. Even if my situation is terminal, I will always appreciate the help and understanding I have found here. If my situation is not terminal, these folks will have helped me redeem the most important thing in my life. And for that words are simply not enough.


Abbey:
Thanks for your thoughts. Would really appreciate you checking in every-so-often. I am going to make it through this.

Wouldn't know anything about that

Headed off to the family reunion solo today. W is too emotionally distraught to handle seeing my family, potentially for the last time. The decision to go or not to go was very difficult for her.

She tells me she wants to move back into our house for the summer, and does not want to start D until mid June. She wants me to refer to us as jointly divorcing each other, to which I made it clear she was divorcing me, and that I thought it was the wrong thing to do. Asked her what she would do if I decided against D, and she said she would have to file seperately. All very confusing.

I hope she can get her emotions under control over the summer. At this point, I do not know what to think.

Wish me luck this weekend. This is going to be very, very difficult.

Thinking and praying for you any chance?! I wish you strength!

"she wants me to do this", "she wants that".

She can want all she pleases... she wants you to be cooperative so she doesn't feel any guilt. Don't make it that easy. So good on you for standing your ground and adding an infusion of reality to her.

Wishing ya luck... hang in there.
Abbey

Update:
Attended my family reunion this weekend solo. Good to be with the family, but felt incredibly alone and abandoned, esp during picture time. Need to get over that.

W had a sad weekend, emotionally distraught about missing the reunion, but knowing it would have been hard for her to attend it due to the depressive rollercoaster she is on.

W brought up some R talk when I got back. She wants to stick with her plan to file for D next month. She is intent on following through the game plan she has laid out for the next couple of months, and I sense that having a game plan is important to her sense of self. Says she is not going to change her mind. She maintains she does not know what the future holds, wants to take things one day at a time. Wants us to remain friends. It is like she is closing one chapter of her life, and preparing to start a new one, and some times I am in the new chapter,and sometimes not.

She says she feels that she has said what she needed to, but is open to talking to me, including MC, if I have things I want to say to her. Have been working on GAL, not making contact unless she initiates. Do I consider MC at this point?

Bottom line: W seems intent on D, but seems to be doing it just to do it. I sense vacillation at times, but if I explore that, the opening quickly shuts. What is my best approach here?

Your best approach is to agree with the divorce and get aggressive and get all you can while she wants out so bad.

Telling her you don't want it is NOT WORKING. It makes her want it more.

this is one piece of advice i've heard of before. but it is also one that i am the most afraid of.

i could say "yeah, you're right .. let's just get on with the big D". i really do fear that h will push it through.
not only that, but if it does go through .. he'll say that i wanted it.

I don't necessarily disagree with Gucci's advice. It can make sense if there is OM/OW. If there is OM/OW, saying it's not working is pretty obvious. However, I also believe you need to be careful with how the filing is handled, etc.

When my W started talking about divorce, I did not fight it, but I made it clear she wanted it and I didn't. I agreed with my C that I needed to put the full burden of the decision on her. She wasn't willing to talk about it at first, too much anger. But after a few weeks, she was willing to talk and she became ready for MC.

I do not believe you just "move on" to someone else, or even give the impression of that. My W did not have or seek out OM, but I was given some advice by a divorced friend. He said he regretted starting to date after his W asked for divorce. He said in his case it really hurt the possiblity of reconciliation.