Hey, let's pop open the champagne!!!!! Congrats!!!!!
I always thought the idea of a celebration of divorce was tacky, but now that I'm close to the finish line myself, I plan to have a huge party when it's done!!!!
I haven't visited here in a while, and that's the best news around. Not that I don't love your guys!
Logging back on, I don't recognize a great deal of names......sad, broken people in the wake of the worst practical joke that nay peron can play on another.....I'M NOT HAPPY!....YOU'RE NOT EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE.........blah, blah, blah...I want a divorce.
My divorce was final May 6th, and some marriages like mine, should NOT be saved. It took me four long years to get there.
BUT....of course, you know, she will not go away. I have my annual training for the Reserves in July. I told her, as the custodial parent, who I pay 3K/mont to, that I would not be available those two weeks.
She shoots back that she wants me to pay for "child care" for the time the kids were supposed to be with me those two weeks. S12 is at a camp from 9-3 daily, two daughters 20 and 18 get out of work at 3 as does XW, and she wants "child care" money!
My attoorney nearly died laughing. He said: "At the end of the day, all the court cares about is if you're paying support. You could walk away tomorrow. She wanted to be the custodial parent, so let her deal with it" Of course, my son and D18 are with me two days a week and every other weekend, so virtually half the time. I pay her support an hour after my checks are direct deposited...The funny (not haha, but ironic funny) part of this is she gets half of my military retirement, but is breaking my orbs about training.
I think if she died, she would still be giving me a hard time from the "next life" LMAO!
Maybe you should tell her that if it is a problem for her when you to go to your military training you can quit, possibly forfeiting your retirement. Think that might shut her up?!
You could also ask her to provide some actual documentation showing how much child care for two perfectly able adults would cost. Good luck to her finding a place that provides that and would give her rates!
The crazy really doesn't stop when you have to deal with an entitled ex and the kids does it? I posted some exchanges between me and my ex regarding a child issue on my thread the other day....more of his craziness. And D12 text me last night that she got in a big fight with her dad over it last night when she was there. I am sure I will hear about it this afternoon when she gets home. :::sigh::: All we can do is try to maintain some normalcy for the kids!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Glad you finally made it to the Other Side. But you want to know "when does the craziness stop"? Hmmm...
I have officially been divorced now for 5 years (next week). His harassment continued as long as I took his calls and there was money involved. He was never one for "doing the right thing", sees the kids rarely, they never go to his house etc. But he sure knew how to scream at me - ranting and raving every chance he got. Until 2 years ago...
I had a serious health trauma and my children told him "no more". In other words - leave mom alone. THe stress was too much. His calls usually left me shaking. He continued to try to call - I would not even pick up the phone. We still had a few financial dealings - D's tuition and books. He knows exactly when the payments are due but never offers a dime unless "reminded". So I remind him. Simply...
"As you are aware, Ashley's next tuition payment is due on June 1 - please submit your payment to me by then. Thank you". I enclosed a photocopy (YES - every single time) with the total amount of tuition for the year and the schedule of payments I had agreed to". I had to treat him like a client in my business. He submitted a check every single time without delay. WEIRD!
So try treating her in a businesslike manner. When mine whined - I just said "talk to your lawyer about it - not me". I think you should do the same. Your wife, like my husband LOVE to use control tactics. You need to let her know she can't get to you anymore.
I do the same as Barb. Treat everything like a business transaction. No emotions involved, just state the facts and your position....and never bring up the past. That is my X's game, to try to bring the past into it. Sorry, I won't be playing that game anymore!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Suzy -when I finally acknowledged that I was just adding fuel to the fire and that nothing I did was ever going to change his horrible behaviour - I was able to stop. It really does take 2 to tango.
Exactly Barb! Many times I had to say that I was not going to argue about certain matters, say good-bye, then hang up. Then he would call and leave messages yelling at me for hanging up. I would respond with e-mail that whenever the conversation because accusatory, blaming, derogatory, etc, I would not engage in it and would end the call. It has died down over time. I really think he loved the drama and loved being able to say crappy things about/to me. Sadly he now does it in front of the kids with the new Mrs. X (formerly OW.) I have a feeling that FLTC's X indulges in the same destructive behavior. Sadly all they do by doing that is drive a further wedge between themselves and their children.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Heh, FLTC, I was still checking your old thread....since it never locked I didn't realize you had started a new one until I thought to check today. Happy to hear you are finally divorced! I don't know if any of your "old friends" are sill checking your old thread....they may not be MIA after all. Hope you will keep in touch now and then to let us know how post divorce life is treating you! My ex and I have always had a more cordial relationship than you and your ex, but my blood pressure still rises when I see his name on my caller ID. Most of our communication is about our daughter, but occasionally he will call "to just say hi". He is still not a happy person....which actually makes me happy and sad. Happy that it's not just ME that was making him unhappy (although not sure he would admit that, but it makes me feel better about myself), but also sad that he turned our family upside down for no apparent reason. (((FLTC))). Best wishes for a happy life!!!!
