Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis My Heart is Breaking #14

Thank you Jack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nlt, alisuddenly has some good advice too.

And I know how much this new info about the baby "can throw you." I didn't find out, till after the fact, about my ex's ow's pregnancy from well-meaning friends. It's like the hits just keep coming.

But you will get through this. Look how far you've come already!

And yes, the sitch will matter to you until it doesn't. Then one day, it won't.

I apologise --- I misunderstood these sentences.

Hi NTL,

I think when we all read you thread, there is alot of focus on H, a man who you are no longer in contact with and has remarried, so obviously we are concerned for you.

You still make alot of sweeping and disparaging statements about ow, but you dont really know her. If she is as awful as you say, what does that say about your exH that he is happy to be with her and 'rescue' this damaged person? Sometimes we have to accept, the person we loved is either, not who we thought they were, or, that they have changed. It can happen, we dont all stay the same over the years and growth isnt linear.

I agree with Kimmie in some respects, although I did reconcile with my H, I believe this is just luck of the draw and not down to dbing. A small percentage of men in life DO want their ex's back. But there were always clues when we were apart (he told me he missed me, he contacted me regularly, he bought me bd and christmas presents, he cried when I saw him, he hugged me hard etc etc..) there was never such a brutal ending.

This man has behaved very cruelly towards you. You say you are family but he hasnt even contacted you in a long long time to see how you are. Not very nice hey. Sorry for your pain, I hope you can find a way to move forwards even if you dont want to let go of hope,
Al xxx

I have to say it's more than a small percentage. The negativity on this thread will bring you down, but if you crunch the numbers, more want to reconcile but the LBS doesn't than anything...

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all for your postings to me! I really appreciate the advice. No, I don't really know this woman, but.... My ex's friend does & she is NOT a good person. He told me that my ex is afraid of her & she has him under her spell. I didn't say this, someone who has been around them did. Plus, anyone that sends the ex wife an email, thanking her for her husband & for not sueing her for stealing her husband is not a nice person, in fact she is sick! Also sending stuff to let me know how happy they are, that tells another story in itself.

There are mental issues here with my ex. I know he was going thru mlc when all this came about. At the time I didn't know but now that I've read up on mlc, I see all the signs!! He has gray hair, I do not, my dad is 82 yrs old, he doesn't have gray hair that bother my ex. Started having some health issues, his dad passed, a good friend of his was killed in a car wreck & I believe this one iced the cake & thru him overboard, my cousin who was like my sister died of a brain aneurysm at age 47, she was full of life & had everything going. I didn't realize how that effected him at the time. The next year, he took up skydiving, then scuba diving, I saw him getting angry at little things, with his work he was so nitpicky about the least little things, a memo someone wrote & used "and" instead of "the", someone that was under him. Anyway, just stuff like that. I thought it was strange but I had no clue he was going thru mlc b/c I didn't know anything about it at the time.

Then he went on the scuba diving trip & Miss manipulate was on there, told him what he wanted to hear. She told him she was in real estate, they would buy house, he could fix them up & sell them, make a profit. She had dabbled in real estate but wasn't. He thought she had money, found out after they married she was almost bankrupt, they couldn't meet their monthly bills.

So, I do believe people can be controlled by others, especially when they are in this state of mind that my ex was in at the time. I know without a doubt that if this woman had not come along, pursued him this would not have happened. And, yes I do know that he had a part in it also, it wasn't all her but I also know she sent the first email, no, he didn't have to respond but he did. He didn't look for other woman, never had. I know he felt guilty, he was different when he came off that trip, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

As far as him not getting in touch with me, he is not allowed, believe me! His friend has told me she has total control of the phone, internet everything. Knowing him, if he has come out of this mlc, he is too embarrassed to contact. We had a rough divorce, I got just about everything & he was very angry at me b/c of that. I don't think he is happy, I've seen pictures, smile is not real. Someone asked me was he married before me & yes he was. She was having an affair but he was still afraid of her & she doesn't hold a candle to this woman he is with now.

I am working on moving forward, it's been 2 years since the divorce was final & I have come a long ways! I guess I always wanted to have hope, but I'm doing all right. Sometimes I just need to get on here & vent a little bit. I'm not asking for anything but support at a time when I'm a little down. For the most part, I'm ok. I'm not depressed all the time, like I used to be, sometimes things just throw me backwards, like this baby thing & I had to let it out & come to people who have been in similar sitches.

I think my ex will eventually realize what he has done, mistakes he has made but he may also think that I would not take him back & right now, I'm not sure I would.

Again, thank you all for you post & your support!

(((HUGS)))

NLT, totally understand, don't be hurt when people are trying to help you. Only you know what you need and what is healthy for you. As mentioned, just make sure you're being honest with yourself, you are your own best friend. The only one you can ever trust 100% besides God is yourself.
That being said, as long as you are healthy, happy, and looking out for yourself, then we're happy. If you are depressed, maybe you need to look for other outlets. For me it's eating good food and exercising, making sure I get my vitamins, etc. Maybe for you it would be something different, some need meds, but I don't believe in using them unless and until you've tried other methods. Are you sleeping enough, hormonally balanced, etc?

Hi Passenger,

Oh, I hope I didn't sound like I was upset or hurt! I'm really not & I do appreciate all the advice on here!! We are here for each other!!

I'm so far along from where I was a year ago, maybe even 6 months ago, but it doesn't mean I don't have down times. Like I said before, I guess I always thought he would be back but now I don't feel like he will. If he ever does, I think he is going to be in such a state of depression or I don't know what that I will not need that in my life. I'm working on moving on!

My dog & I are making it fine, of course I get depressed sometimes but I'm kind of getting used to making my own decisions about something I want to do in the house. For a while there if I did something I would think to myself how amazed my ex would be if he saw what I did or knew some of the things I have done, never in a million years would I have thought I could fix a leaky faucet or a running toilet! But I did! Also trimming those darn hedges!!! 90 ft long, 3 ft. wide & 7 ft. tall, but I did it! All my neighbors say I have the yard looking better than it did before he left. My dad even helped me put some siding on the outside of a bay window & we put indoor outdoor carpet on my back porch ourselves. I rented a pressure washer last year & got the glue off that nasty carpet that was on my front porch, the guy at the place where I rented it knew I had no clue what I was doing, but I did it! I guess I have to brag on myself a little bit, I have tackled quite a bit & I'm proud, I never thought I could do some of these things.

Ok, now speaking of all this outside work, I have to go mow the yard before it storms here again this weekend.

I hope everyone on here knows how much this site & all your comments & advice has helped me!!! I couldn't have gotten thru some of this mess without you!!! Believe me!!!!!

((((HUGS to ALL))))))

This is so true! We should all remember that. Do you keep a journal, nlt? Sometimes, writing the story, helps to release stress and get things into perspective.

Take care.

Hi Being me!!

Yes, I do keep a journal. Mostly it's day to day things that I do but I have also written down my story. I should send it to Hollywood, this would make a great movie!! Ha Ha

It is so true, we are our own best friend!!

You take care also & thanks for posting to me!!