Thank you George Clooney (aka Mr. Fox) for giving me the term clustercuss...
I am livid but I will calm down. The sonofabitch threw me under the bus in my opinion...He started sending me bullsh!t texts again before I came over about how he hated this, had an upset stomach, etc. That he hated telling the kids, he wondered if it could be worth it to try again but he just didn't know how it could work, he didn't regret us bc we have two great kids but maybe we weren't meant to be, etc etc. That this would forever affect the kids but so would living in a home full of tension.
I replied that I was on my way over...
When I get there Nathan is playing Wii. After a few minutes Dan calls him over and sits him on his lap, Sydney comes and gets on my lap. He starts talking about how mom and dad have lived apart for a year.
He tells them that mommy and daddy disagree on things like when to go to bed at night and how to keep the house clean...that they fought when they lived together but they don't anymore and things are better this way so it is going to stay this way forever. But it will be good because see how much fun you have at daddy's house doing things with daddy and at mommy's house with mommy.
Sydney moved right on and asked for a pop tart. Nathan cried and Dan held him for about 15 minutes. We both told him how much we loved him. I was shaking I was so angry though.
I never said a word about him f@cking other women, lying, cheating, etc etc. And I never would. And yet he tells them we are getting divorced over bedtimes and cleaning? But then I figure in his mind that is why we are getting divorced...
I just do not want Nathan and Sydney thinking that if you have disagreements you have to get divorced. What a ridiculous reason...
Wow, I am so sorry BBJ. It seems par for the course with the rest of his actions though so what can you do about it?
I like the idea of being the best, most stable, safe parent that you can be and rest assured your kiddos will flock to that, and Dan try as he might will not be able to hide his secrets forever.
Still sucks though and not much else to say. I dont think it would be good at this point for anyone including you to sink to his level and expose him, that will come in time.
Maybe this is what you need to finally drop the rope and stop letting Dan mess with your head and your life more than he already has?
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
No I never meant I would tell them his screwups, I just could not believe that he would give that as the reason. But again it shows how differently we see things. If you ask me we are getting divorced because he was unwilling to accept me faults and all and commit to building a better marriage. If you ask him we are getting divorced because I am irritating and don't support him and will never change and he can't take it anymore....
It just pisses me off to know that I was in fact willing to move past his infidelities and lies to build a solid relationship and intact family for our kids, and he was not willing to overlook a messy kitchen.
Not to mention his house looks like a bomb went off, so pot meet kettle. I am just so disgusted but I will continue to love my kids and tell them and show them my love for them every day.
That is why you are such a great person BBJ! You will be a great example of what a mom, wife, friend, etc should be and your kiddos will be so much better off because of you.
And just imagine how great it will be when you find MR.BBJ that is ready to accept and in turn give back the great things that you already have!
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
And once again, he takes control. God, I think I really hate this guy. What a mind-f*ck he pulling with you AND the kids. Sick f*cker!!!
BBJ, this is bad and I am so angry too!
I don't know how to handle this, but you simply cannot let your kids think that this is a valid reason to get divorced. It could make them hyper-vigilant, self-doubting, and a host of other things.
And the reason I think something should be done NOW is that this needs to be nipped in the bud. These kids don't need years and years of believing bullsh!t in the hopes that they will "figure it out someday."
I am especially worried about Nathan. It is very bad role-modeling for him to believe that this is why a "man" would leave his wife.
Yeah I had a mini-fight with him after kids went to bed...Screw it I am done trying anyway...
I told him I couldn't believe his reasoning, I didn't want Nathan to dump every girl he dates the first time he has a disagreement bc he has learned that relationships = no disagreements.
Dan retorted that he didn't want Nathan to believe there should be no disagreements but he better find someone who actually supported his dreams. I called bullshit and said we'd never see that eye to eye bc I have spent years supporting him. He said "Yeah the past three years but I don't care cause that was too late"
I said well then you are an ass for all the texts even tonight about how you are truly struggling with the thought of actually trying again when you aren't and haven't been interested in reconciling in years, according to you now!"
He replied, "I do think about it I think about it ever single day but then this happens"...meaning our fight
So he clearly thinks the only good relationship is one where you agree on everything all the time.
Good luck with that, maybe a blow up doll will always agree with you.
Yeah I am so done trying to get anywhere with him he can live in his messy house and have his breakdowns and deal with it.
Oh btw we are still in warnings but I am hiding in the basement!
Bobbi Jo, you will have many other times to talk with your kids about what a good relationship is. You may even get to provide a good example for them in the future.
You have touched the stove enough times to realize that it burns. Dont have any more serious talks with him other than schedules and kid issues.
