Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

James,

I hope you realize how BLESSED you are that CityGirl is still supporting you, and giving you such great, SPECIFIC advice.

I pray you'll try your best to follow it.

Puppy

You need to listen to CG. You cannot allow yourself to move forward if you continue to focus on what W is doing.

Enjoy your new job, conversation with your friends and focus on your goals that you're setting for yourself.

Be happy that you are at a better state than you were in at the beginning of this thread.

Have you had a moment to re-read your thread? I suggest you do if you have not. Take a deep breath and read it as though you were reading any other sitch.

Good luck my friend.

I understand you wanting to come here and vent, go ahead but even that after a while that (the venting) will have to stop.

You have to realize you are venting about things that are not in your control.

You are frustrated because IF you were HER, you would do things differently but YOU aren't HER. You can't control what she does and you have to stop using your logic with regards to your WAW, you have to stop worrying about what she does and you have to allow yourself peace in your life and you will achieve that when you finally listen to what we're saying and let go of the need to control her life and what she does with it.

You are right, she will only realize the full impact of her decisions when she hits rock bottom, much like you did. It's called hitting "threshold" and you can't control when you hit that point, that solid bottom that won't let you go any further down because that is rock bottom. At that point, you'll either stay there for the rest of your life or you'll finally realize that your life is worth more than the sum of your current experiences and you'll start to do things to enable you to rise above your problems and get back to standing squarely on both feet again with your shoulders held high, you'll start to feel good about yourself (and you still don't, trust me, you're not there yet), you'll start to respect yourself, you will smile at pretty much everything and you'll ask yourself how you could waste so much time feeling like $hit everyday when you could have been feeling like this. Your confidence and self-esteem will raise up to a respectable level.

I can give you all the advice in the world but if you're not going to put some of it to use, you will continue drowning in a sea of several hundred pages on your thread.

I hope you realize and respect and thank CG for the effort she puts into your thread/situation, you have the invaluable perspective of a woman, something the guys can't provide you with. Listen to her!

James, another thing you really need to think about is how you react to certain situations. This is something my IC has helped me with a great deal as I used to be very reactionary and act on pure emotion rather than good sense.

You could have avoided the WHOLE vending machine incident y'day by simply stopping and thinking about what you were doing.

You have been at this job for 2 days. You need this job. As it stands right now this job could really pave the way for more stability in your life. IMO this job is the first "normal" thing you have done in quite some time. It should be your main goal at this job to create NO drama under any circumstance.

Shaking a vending machine was stupid. I understand it sucks to not get what you paid for out of a vending machine but was it really that big of a deal? I understand you may be diabetic but you should be prepared by always having something on you to eat if need be. The vending machine doesn't belong to you so why not either (A) walk away from a 1.00 bag of chips or (B) report the problem to whomever is in charge of the vending machine.

Instead you shook the machine and look what happened... you made an utter spectacle of yourself. You had to wash your hair at work, get another drug test, talk to the higher ups and basically take up time and resources from your company over something that could easily be avoided. Of course they are going to make it seem like it is no big deal and express concern, they don't want to be liable for you getting hurt at work.

The first "face to face" you had with the higher ups was over a vending machine incident. That is NOT the first impression you want to make. It honestly just makes you look silly. And on top of that you thought it was a good idea to bring up time off?

Every moment at this job you need to be concentrating on learning the job and be 110% sure you are presenting yourself in the best way possible at all times.

Once your brain becomes trained to really be "different" at work in will begin to overlap in other areas of your life. But no, the vending machine wasn't bad luck, it was unnecessary drama and it led to your first face to face with higher ups. Not exactly the impression you want to make.

Oh he asked cause I patch my eye at work. That's what both eye docs stated to do with the rgb lens to prevent double vision until the cornea transplant while working on computers.

I've talked to the higher ups before today because they all stated they heard I was doing a good job.

Yes shaking the machine was very dumb. I've gotten a lot of jokes about that today from my coworkers lol.

I carry my backpack with me and I forgot to put my lunch in there. Today I made sure I had it and brought snacks from home so I don't have to use a vending machine.

But I totally understand what you are saying.

I excelled again today with the bonus question on our quiz the trainer could not find and now after lunch I get to go show everyone how I obtained the answer.

I'm focused on really doing well at this job and just helping and learning as much as possilbe

good, read that last post you made,
everything in it was positive, that's how to do it!

Thanks for all the replies I will respond to them when I get home as using work computer for personal web surfing is allowed but I just use my phone during breaks and lunch.

I will say this I 180ed yesterday and today. Usually I would get upset with waw and state my opinion on not looking for jobs and priority organizing. I said nothing.

She has to make her own decisions. I used to get trapped when she would ask id give my opinion and its not totally supportive of what she wants and she gets upset.

Ill elaborate and expand when I get home.


Thanks for all the concern help support and advice

yep. I love C.G. she's been great and patient with this stubborn man. I've learned alot from her.

I have a list of goals written up and in my head. I'vve accomplished a few of them already.

*venting below*

Like i've stated I cannot make her do anything. She's going to do whatever the heck she wants. I don't want her back this way. It would not work.

She texted me stating she has a job interview next wednesday. I just shook my head and said nothing.

For whatever reason she thinks the world is just centered around her (I probably helped her with alot of that thinking by spoiling her rotten before I got sick) and that these jobs are going to wait on her. She learned absolutely nothing from the last job she lost due to procrastinating and the training class being cancelled.

Funny thing is both of these jobs? are jobs I know. One I was level II support. Another is a temp service I used to work for and gave her a good referral. She is STILL TRYING TO WORK WITH ME (why?) instead of the other jobs.

Now she's repeating it. I honestly think she does not want to work anymore. I thought about this earlier.

I think she has hit a MLC. She's doing alot of dumb crap. She doesn't have to worry about her H or the kids right now and feels free.

I mean I get it. I understand. You needed a break. But to do stuff like this is not helping.

I don't know where my W WENT. sHE USED TO BE sweet and loving and so caring. She used to have drive and a fire in her eyes. SHe worked ridiculous hours at her old job and was happy. I was running the business and going to college. I'd cook for SD8 and her twin nieces WHO WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER. and then for both of us. Sometimes we'd cook together.

It doesn't seem like she's even trying right now. She's gotten comfortable drawing unemployment and not working. Maybe the kids and seeing SD8 will wake her up. I don't know.

All I know is that this is NOT the W I used to know. Maybe people can change for the worse. I don't know anymore.

I'm a thinker. Although I've had N.C for over 2 days. (i last responded to her on tuesday) I am really saddened to see her just falling apart and unraveling like this.

She used to be so different.

and i'd really hate to see her hit rock bottom man. I have seen her be so giving and loving and helping of others. But she's not fighting anymore. How can you just be "content" with a situation like this?

Yea I see what you're saying about her way and my way of doing things but she never did crap like this. I'm just shaking my head.

Yes C.g. is really great.

I think I'm going to start venting in a journal and just posting minimal stuff about WAW it's going to be hard.

But i'm going to try. It's just hard not to try to get advice on how not to screw up.

It's not so much as control. It's concern. I have seen this woman fall out in the street and have seizures. At college at home. It scared the crap out of me.

I think it's only a matter of time with it beginning to happen again the way she's going erasing all of the progres it took to keep her seizure free since august. that's been the longest stretch in like 3 years.

Alot of the things she's doing now? she di before she left. If she wanted to go see her family? fine no problem. Go visit sd8? fine no problem. Buy a few nice things fine no problem.

But I'd budget too and make sure things went all helter skelter.

That's the hardest thing to let go of. She's extremely naive and gullible and needs to go to ic and get the antidepressant.

I don't even bring it up anymore. at leat not to her. I talked to her about it saturday. She said she'd go. Still no progress.

She treats and has always treated SD8 like her friend instead of her child. Instead of explaining to SD8 what needs to happen SD8 is cake eating too.

She loves being with paternal grandmother because she is spoiled rotten. That's why she did not want to "come home" and then paternal gradmother said all this bullshyt about adopting and military children receiving free college ( a total lie my dad's entire family is military and so is he and I did NOT get a free ride to college) and she signed away the rights mainly because it's what SD8 wants and she wants SD8 to be happy because WAW feels like she's a bad mother because she would NOT freaking listen to me and signed this document giving temporary custody of SD8 to the state.

uggghh man. *slams fist on computer*

i'm still venting. can't u tell?