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Good Day, just a thought on your last post, perhaps (not sure of course), the filing of the divorce is the wake up for her. As I do not know, please do not take this as advice but as a thought. I believe sometimes our continued extended love is mistaken for we will always be there no matter what the other person does. We are responsible for ourselves and our actions, not the others. Could be a jolt like that, especially if it comes as a shock could be the action that triggers some inward reflection within herself.

Or perhaps if you choose to consider this, suggest to her that should file and get the ball rolling. This might be an option for you as well.

As always, continued blessings and prayers to you and yours!

pigskin,

I thought you told her no spending time with the OM with the kids. Did you ever enforce that boundary? Did the church ever confront her like they said they would?

"I thought you told her no spending time with the OM with the kids. Did you ever enforce that boundary? Did the church ever confront her like they said they would?"

I am having trouble with enforcing boundaries, too.

I don't know, man, hang in there as long as you can. Like you said, we will know when enough is enough. I am getting very close to that place. It won't mean it's over, just that detachment is complete and we are okay with whatever the outcome. I never thought I would get there. I never thought I would accept a lot of things. We grow, learn and accept that we can't change THEM, only our selves.

BTW, on a subject close to my heart, how are the kids? I hope they are well. As well as can be expected, anyway. I really do hope and pray for you and your kids.

I'll be fine whether it wakes her up or not, so I don't really care. It would be nice if she snapped out of her fantasy world, but I put no faith in her.

I told her to file months ago, and she's done nothing. I think she feels like there's no pressure to do anything, and she'll hang out as long as she likes. Either that or she doesn't have the guts. She knows that all her family and eventually her children (when they are old enough) will know she had an affair; so perhaps she feels she could save a little face by saying 10 years from now, "Well it was pigskin who filed for divorce, not me."

Thanks for your prayers thegoodfight, I appreciate them.

I don't know if you remember a few weeks ago when this came up before, Bond, but basically short of tailing her there's no way I can enforce that boundary. She's already out of the house.

This is kind of what is pushing me over the edge; I'd have more patience if she was trying to break off from the OM, but she's not. Then she has no problem bringing our kids around him, even though she knows I don't want them anywhere near the two of them together. I even have to deal with the indignity of my kids knowing the guy well now, and talking about him in my presence.

I don't know if the church talked to her; she did forward an email to me with a link to some pictures from her baptism. The email was sent by one of the church counselors who in a roundabout way asked if she would speak to her to "follow up" on how she is doing. I doubt my wife took any action though. I've kept my beak out of her church. If they do approach her, I certainly don't want it to be due to my prompting them.

I'm pretty close to "enough is enough". It's been 13 months now without any change at all in her relationship with OM. I don't like her and can't see being married to her given the way she is now. If she was my girlfriend, I would be 100% certain I was dumping her. Her two best friends (well, at least until they found out about her affair) in town told me to "dump her and take her to the cleaners".

It really would take a miracle for us to reconcile. And while I continue to pray for that miracle, I also accept that God is with me no matter what happens and He is happy with the effort I've made to hang in there.

The kids are doing great; no perceptible effects on them at all. They still think it is a novelty switching back and forth between parents. That may change if divorce becomes a reality and they realize that the switching will be permanent.

Thanks for your prayers as well IDU, sending some back your way.

Uh well they are YOUR kids too the last time I checked. I've seen instances where you can get it legally written out where no one new is to be introduced to the children after a period of time.

You can't control her, true. But you can prevent the children from being involved. Get to a counselor and get their opinion. Have your W attend too because this is about the kids, not the both of you.

Let's put it this way. Is this how you want your kids believing this is the way a M should go? Do you want them to get the impression that Dad thinks it's okay for another man to take their mommy away right in front of them?

Without a counselor seeing the interactions of my W and OM in front of the kids, I don't think it would make much difference. I'm sure my W would contest that nothing inappropriate occurs when she and OM are together with my kids present. And that is probably the case; I just don't want my kids around him and the swirling evil that is their relationship.

I say nothing to my kids about the OM. When they are old enough to understand, they will know everything about what Mom did.

OM isn't taking my W away. She has made the decision to be with him. Otherwise the OM would be a crumpled pile of goo right now...

Again, we're talking about your kids. Talk to a C. It's better to know for sure rather than guessing about what they're thinking. Kids are much more perceptive than you think.

My 7y.o. asked me if mom was leaving because of another man. They know.

The kids are evaluated every two weeks by a counselor at their school who deals in "altered families", which I guess is the PC term for "broken home".

He has stated that the kids show no ill effects whatsoever. But I may bring up that topic with W and tell her I'm going to speak with the counselor to get his opinion on her bringing the kids around her boyfriend.