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Too, too funny!

I was rushing out of the room to deal with the kids and somehow quoted the wrong text

Today was awesome! Hubby and I had time together and it was really great. And I got lots of hugs and affection later on in the day. What more can I ask for....

"Heavenly"

Oh June, Kalni, I am SOOO glad I found you guys over here. I feel much better -- like I'm not crazy to be feeling the way I am.

I think my whole problem now is that I'm getting to the point where I am just sick of trying. Every time I try to talk to him about anything, he looks at me as if I'm crazy. He says he thinks everything is fine.

Thanks June for posting to me. I'm going to keep up w/ you.

Hi redheadwife- thanks! I am an erratic poster but will look at your thread and try to update mine occasionally.

I think many men just don't like to "talk" period. Like it is true torture for them.


Had another episode this weekend. His response- why are you doing this. My response I am upset and telling you what I need. I need to hear you say such and such on occasion.

All ended well though.


Can you send emails or use letters instead? I have read that men are best with peripheral talk. Talk while both of you are involved in tasks- like shoveling dirt or folding laundry. Talking just for talking is harder for them...


I staight up tell my hubby exactly verbatim what to say to me if I ask A, B, or C. ie. "Do you still find me attractive" His response better be some variation of "God yes, you are so beautful to me" haha!!

I tell him see I am making it easy for you. You will know exactly what to say.

I also need to read up more on "flooding" and "stonewalling"


When men feel anxious or threatened or see a stressful moment I think they like to retreat, IMO.

I definitely need to read Men walk, Women talk

Well, to not quote a few other things here, you do say you practically "program" his responses and scuttle his own voice.

True, I think most men, self included buy into this to an extent in wise notion to avoid a scolding for speaking their own mind.

But, there are some, self included, that this routine "I better say this, or I better say that" becomes the demise of the marriage for them. Escpecially when, like myself, your natural instinct is a 'say it like it is' type person.

This is part of our work in progress for myself and (x)W.

LOL, I remeber during the D (really bad time), I grew a goatie (s/p). And one time (x)W walked walked in asked, "what the hell is that on your face?" and I didn't hessitate to respond "what the hell is that on your hed" in reference to this ungodly shade of red dye she used, looke like Ronald McDonald afer dabbing in a new career as an electrician. We both paused and laughed, despite how much animosity we had toward each other at that point in time.

Dday, I am totally getting what you are saying. Really understand,

In my instance my hubby was always unsure of what to say so I now tell him this is what I like to hear. I think it relieves some anxiety for him.

But, there are some, self included, that this routine "I better say this, or I better say that" becomes the demise of the marriage for them. Escpecially when, like myself, your natural instinct is a 'say it like it is' type person.


You are right on that, I do know that my hubby is afraid of stepping on landmines. So I need to work on that. I am super sensitive. I have improved greatly but there are slip-ups....


But there are some days where I just want to scream (I don't). This is easy! Why don't you just GET IT! lol! But men and women are different so... I guess different communications styles. Different reactions, different thoughts.

Also, I make a huge effort to never be moody. It reall upsets him if I am moody and he is afraid I am going to "blow". I have told him do not let me mood affect your mood.
He can't help it though. I don't know how to change this dynamic.


And honestly, I have to admit, if he is having a hard day- it does affect me still. I have to remind myself of the above. His moods should not dictate my moods. But there is a twinge.

Anyhow, since I am rambling I may as well get into my weird overall view of things.

Since I was a nurse I like to use deathbed scenerios to get me to refocus.


If this man (my hubby) were to be dying tomorrow, how would I feel about him? Would his shortcomings bother me? Would I have any anger towards him? Would I feel all the love I have for him in a strong way? Would I have any regrets? Remorse? Angst?


I think it justs gets me to refocus on the big picture and not the "less than perfect". Make sense.


I mean you see a person dying and families surrounding them sad. I mean what really matters in life? We could be dead and gone tomorrow. To borrow my husband's phrase: "We are not guaranteed tomorrow" and it is so true. I really try my hardest not to get stuck in menusia (sp?- can not find the correct spelling...)
To not get myopic, if that makes any sense at all.


I get frustrated some times with the marriage, worn out but....can I really expect my ideal marriage all the time, can I expect perfection or constant happiness. I mean that would be silly.

So sometimes I feel like I have no more in me left. I just remember the grand big picture.
And my kids, becasue nothing is more important than my kids.

Probably because when someone, mainly a waman is moody, there isn't a lot of time to prepare a response that is desireable? Especially from a man who's answers are 'programmed' and he has to think, [insert Peter Griffen voice please] "do I say what is on my mind, or take the easy way out and give the answer she wants, oh crap, WHAT WAS THE ANSWER?"

Not taking a jab at you or anything, but from the male prespective, I think this fits the case.

To some extent, my (x)W wants to hear my own answer to question, but as well, has an expected repsonse of me as well.

LOVE the Petter Griffin reference. We all love Family Guy in this house- A LOT!

No I definitely need to improve


"Have you heard, don't you know about the bird, ba,ba,ba bird, bird, bird, bird is the word..."