What can each of you do to CHANGE the pattern? What have you decided to do in the past that you didn't stick to? ie. quit talking when going in downward spiral/take a time out/etc.
That was for some reason in some ways a somewhat optimistic kind of post.
I guess I must always sort of wake up in a positive mood, as I have noticed a lot of my morning posts are very upbeat.
I am wondering did you shed any tears, or were they already dried up? I guess you probably won't answer that as A. if you did you won't want to admit it or B. if you didn't you won't want to say that either.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Ok, these aren't all I need or getting Pam out but they are problems I have identified and came up with some things to try to see if it helps to address them any. I know some of these I have already tried, but not for a long enough time period to see if they work or for them to become a habit.
Goals for Pam:
Don't expect David or the bb to solve emotional upsets: write out in word processor, sit with it and read again later. This is working great this morning. Didn't start it till after the phone call and posting earlier. But gonna keep this one up as looks like a winner.
Stop knee jerk reacting: if possible wait, look at situation a bit later and see if there is another angle that could be the correct one
Stop negative self thoughts: Use LL's suggestion of the mirror, or write good things about Pam in word processor or even do both
Learn to think: whenever possible practice this in any situation I can, listen, and think, don't just respond
Keep doing the Calm Water meditation and keep it in thoughts, can't hear what others are saying if your own head is to busy. Be still and listen, then think, then respond if necessary.
Do not allow a persecution complex, and negative self worth to control how I feel about situations: Stop ask myself if the way I am feeling about something could be tied to either of those problem thought patterns for me.
Don't sign onto AIM at all as would be a temptation to disturb David at work till not doing so becomes a habit.
Don't start the bb up till maybe check on at noon while eating lunch.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi Pam! I like your thread here and really can relate on the communication issues. H and I still struggle. I think the main issue is that we cannot listen and empathize to eachother without resentment or hurt coming in to ruin our chance to connect. A few times we have talked and if I dont let my emotions get involved he will really open up. I admire you for knowing your feelings and coming up with these goals to make it better. I struggle to express how I feel about things and usually just "let it go" or miscommunicate! Hang in there- H and I had a good trip to Las Vegas and he is staying at home almost every night. We need to work on lots of things too but this will take time.
Hugs to my favorite girls. I thought you would want to know about this....
****NEWSFLASH**** W wants to try to work things out. She is putting D on hold. OMG, I have to pinch myself. I will give more details when I float back down. The evil villain Darkman turns on the lights from dark and becomes Gripman (your favorite driver).
Went shopping with friend that morning, playing in the rain, we had fun!
Talked to mom for long time when she called to make sure I knew David and I were both invited and welcome to come up for Thanksgiving meal.
The cake and rolls turned out great and I hadn't made either of them in a while so I wasn't sure it would all turn out! Turkey was good also, shelties volunteered to help with the carving and clean up.
The kids and I had all the fall candles lit and had plans to set the table with the china, but in the end I opted for plates I could wash in the dishwasher! I already had so many dishes, even washing as I went.
Enjoying the time off from work, don't usually have the day after Thanksgiving off, it was nice. Have got my laundry almost caught up and some stuff cleaned in the house with the extra time.
The shelties have three weeks in a row gotten their feet done and brushed out good. Makes for less hair in the house and less mud tracked in on feet to dry off.
We have had the Christmas candles lit today and the house smells so nice.
Have had some wonderful chats this holiday time off with some folks from the bb.
Weighed before TG and I have held steady on my weight loss, at least before I ate all of this food I had!
Was in a good thinking mode today and got some work done on Sage's DB threads.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
This is one for me, even though I'm sure to you guys it will sound like common everyday stuff.
Putting stuff on the counter for checkout at the grocery, realized I had forgotten to go back to the deli for lunch meat. They were closed when I went by the first time. I sort of panic, think well shoot I'll just skip it this week, or take this stuff to the car and come back or..., mind was spinning. As lady is giving me my receipt I ask her if can leave cart at her station and run to deli as I forgot, then check back out through her line. She was very nice about it. For me who didn't even used to go to the grocery on her own, this was a big step and felt good afterwards.
Chatted with my sister Friday and Saturday.
Dad called and they were on their way down for lunch and wanted to see if I wanted to meet them. I had just had lunch, so declined, he said mom wanted to show me her new truck. So I said come by after lunch! They did and brought me a sandwich for dinner. Mom's new truck is cool.
Helped talk Opt through a rough spell, did a little sort of logical type thinking. I always feel I'm not logical enough to help and she said I did really help her on working through her thinking.
Beautiful sunset out the front window last night as I was sitting at my desk.
Got several Happy Thanksgiving e-mails from friends.
Set some new goals on the DB thread.
Reading a few threads again, not out a lot yet but getting better, just trying to make sure not to let my head get too fuzzy!!
Shelties and I snuggled in front of the fireplace some this weekend and it was very relaxing.
My last thread actually lasted longer than a week!!!!!!! Less emotional junk on it! Yippee!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I already had so many dishes, even washing as I went. 
