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Neither do I. But then again, I wasn't the one who asked for a D and/or a separation 12x in the past 7 months, mostly in the past 3 months.

Even now, when I am asking, I'm not asking for much. Limited time to de-stress and get caught up on work, my work on the problem she wants stopped, and some other GAL stuff. And I wouldn't ask for that if the 12th time she asked hadn't totally stabbed me.

Onthemountaintop,

I have some questions. Did you need to ask those questions? Would it have been better to let her iniate whether she wanted you to have more separation or sleep in another location. Could you have asked her what would help to keep her from sleeping the kids room. What was the third thing you asked her about? Or did the conversation end before you brought that up to your W?

You seem to give good advice to many on this forum. What advice would you give yourself now? I know you will find how to turn this situation to a positive. Could you suggest that you will follow as she requested for something you would like her to do in the remaining 8 days of the trial separation without making her defensive.

Turn this near breakdown into an opportunity. There are stil options and alternatives.

She came to demand those things either the night before or that afternoon.



Initially when D was more certain, I was in the b'rm because she wanted it that way. Since then, each time she's got angry, asked for a D or a separation, she's stormed off to the kids room. This time, after she demanded a separation for the 12th time, I told her I wanted time to be more alone to get my attention on GAL instead of being ready to implode each day with another R talk, quite a few of which tend to become a fight eventually. I also told her it wasn't a trial, I wanted to stay M to her.



I did. She wants a complete 105% stop to me using porn. I promised I will stop, but I need time dealing with the addiction (doc and IC suggest 1yr+ to really clear up my thoughts)

She hung up before I got to the third thing and we haven't talked since. You know, all this fighting is got the fight out of me. I really want to give up.

I think I'd tell me to do what I'm doing - do some GAL until our R was calm enough that I can talk to her without her insulting, criticising, defending everything to a point of ignorance, and attacking me. I would say I need to get pro help. I would say that I need to be patient. I would say reconsider the lock on the door - which I had until the 12th request for a separation. Now, I don't know how to get it across that I just need some air!!



I know I need to hear this. Maybe it is my ADHD going, but I just want out!

Started taking drugs 1 hour ago...

Oh - legal ones! Anti-anxiety stuff. Can't handle the stress, work (which is way behind), and more.

You never know if this would be what opens my eyes...but they feel kinda shut now.

Oh no!
I hope the stress gets better! Sorry you are having a tough time!!!

onthemountaintop,

I know that you are going through a very stressful time and everything seems wrong, but just be sure to see that you are still M and your W is giving you a chance to work things out. Even if you make baby steps, try to build on them, and make an effort to try to do some of the things your wife requests. If this is too difficult, focus on your job which seems to be behind. I know you are able to do it, and so do you.

Keep your eyes open to having a wonderful M and a family that wants you to do your best possible to overcome your sitch.

Take care!