1. I have jungle (overgrown grass) problems too, let me know if you find a good solution to that one, lol!!
2. I learned very early on to not say ANYTHING to the kids about the choices that WH is making that I don't agree with. I will NOT justify them. I will NOT bring them to light. Let him explain them to the kids. He can't, and they will understand better what is happening and who (YOU) is really there for them. Just don't! It's important for your relationship with the kids, for the lessons you want them to learn, for them to grow up and have hopefully healthy/happy lives themselves.
As for the truck, I recall something about this from before, but not exact so if I have it wrong please ignore. But you should take back your truck IF you need it. He will not leave you NOR come home over a truck. He will respect you if you stand up for your stuff. But if you don't need it and want him to use it, then let it go for now!
It's all good, at least as much as it can be in this sitch! ((hugs))
In regards to #2, The kids know that what their Dad is doing is wrong...the news has a new adultery story on it every other day, Edwards, Woods, Jesse James...we have talked about those stories so they know without me having to tell them.
I am re-thinking this spending the night thing with their Dad and OW. S14 had said he is not comfortable with it. I don't think H will have a problem with them not staying. They can still go do something fun during the day...
Thoughts?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
RE: sleepover, tough one. We didn't have visitation and staying at WH's place set up for at least a half year because of many reasons. But then they did start every other weekend. I hated the idea of it. I cried non-stop the whole first weekend. But ironically, it was good for them. They needed to know that their Dad still loved them, that he still cared about them. Before going they felt bad for me, and said they didn't want to go, but I put on a big smile and sent them off.
One of the hardest things I've done (and this whole MLC is very very hard!). But you know what happened? THEY felt better after doing it. It actually helped THEIR self-esteem. For me it sucked, but for the kids, it was the right thing to do. (Though they tried to protect my feelings by not telling me they liked it for some time still, but they did!)
I had heard that if you push the H away too far from the kids, they may eventually just move on too much. Which means they will not be there to love their kids through the important stages, be there with them enough, financially support them, etc. Now, it's really partly a personality thing, but I sort of instinctually thought that it would be harder for me and the kids if their Dad moved too far from their lives. Does that make sense? So what could I do that was in the best interests of the kids?
So, I guess as far as a sleepover goes, it wouldn't really be bad for them to try one, and see how it goes.
However he should probably NOT have OW there. All the parenting advice goes against that.
I dont' remember from your sitch, have they had sleepovers with just your H? Would he consider a sleepover without OW?
CW, I personally think that the OW should be introduced slowly, for the kids to go for a sleepover to her house when they have never met her seems crazy. Do I understand it right? Is he living with her now, or does he still have his own place?
He should start introducing her slowly..couple of hours at the time...dinner or outing. They need time to get to know her and get comfortable before he brings them to her house for a sleepover.
Could you have a talk with him and explain that to him? This is not about you (although I understand how painful this whole scenario is for you) this is whats good for the kids. IMHO
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
CW, I let my children decide for themselves about whether they wanted to meet ow or not. My D17 refuses to, my D11 hasn't yet, but may in time. I feel they are old enough to make their OWN decision about it. It's not like they're small children and don't have minds of their own.
My S26 and DIL have met her. My S23 hasn't spoken a word to his dad since he left. This pains me, but again it's his decision.
The consequences for my H's choices are something that he will have to live with.
This is how I've handled it with the kids. Hugs as it's a hard one to deal with.
SC-the kids just found out about OW and have not even met her yet and H is living with her.
H has had them overnight a couple of times when he was in his own place and I was ok with that. In my state, if the kids are 14 or older, they can choose for themselves. I agree Mila that they should be introduced slowly to her.
I will talk to H...I am pretty sure he will agree to take it slow.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Just got off the phone with H. He agreed we'd take it a little slow and said that OW was a little nervous about the kids coming over too....made sure to tell me that twice...
So...I just made it a whole lot easier for HER!!!! GRRRRR Poor thing is a little nervous meeting the kids of the family she stole away....ok, I'm done ranting....
But, it is the kids I am thinking about and it is what is best for them!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Call me old fashioned but I don't think it is right for the kids to be staying with their dad when he is living in A with this ow. I believe he needs to see the kids but not at her house.
I know when my ex & I were dating, (his ex was having an affair)he wanted us to move in together(they were divorced), but I didn't feel that it was right when he had his child over because we were not married at that time. I didn't think it was right for his son to see us living together without being married. So, we had separate places b/c of his son. I know the world is totally different now about things like that but like I said I'm old fashioned & we wanted to set a good example for his son, now his Mother apparently didn't b/c eventually she moved a man in with them w/o being married, but that was her & not us.
Just food for thought, you hang in there & you do what you feel in your heart is the best for your kids!!
