Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers embracing change

PG, I have read about a lot of strategies but I'd be interested to read what has worked for you

Hi flowmom, I know me too! There's so many books out there about it, but I've found the best things just from other people I know who also have their own companies/work from home. And it's interesting, because we all struggle with this, and through talking to one another we've helped each other find the strategy that works best for us! Sorry if some of these sound hokey, and that it's such a long post. I was just so interested because my friends and I were just working through the same thing this month. Hope this helps (sorry again if it's too hokey though!)

For myself, I seem to do best when I have someone I'm accountable to. When I have a client who's waiting for a proof, I can always get myself to do what's necessary to get it to them in time.

But for the times I don't have proofs needing to go out imminently, I used to try to get myself going by making a big long 'things to do' list. But it never worked. Finally, I recruited one of my friends that I email back and forth with - I'll send her the list of things I need to accomplish that week, Then, she emails me at the end of the week to see what I've done; I'll send her back with a list of what I accomplished. What I discovered was that creating my list of that week's accomplishments was more motivating than creating my 'TTD' list in the first place! The 'accomplishments' list motivated me right through into next week's activities. I so liked seeing that nice full list of stuff I got done, that I wanted to make sure I'd get another list like that at the end of the next week!

This same friend finds her productivity gets a boost when she plans her next day's activities, the night before. But just one day ahead - no more. She says that this way she can sit down at her desk in the morning and see what she's got to do that day, and doesn't have to try to figure it out before she can get to work. Also, seeing just her tasks for that one day, rather than a whole week's worth of things to do makes her feel motivated because it's manageable in size. Seeing too many things on your list can really be overwhelming and prevent you from even wanting to start.

Another idea is to know whether or not you're a 'big tasks first' or 'little tasks first' person. I was always taught in school to do the big difficult tasks early in the day while my brain was fresh. Never worked for me. Procrastination big time. What I found did work for me was to do the little easy stuff first... then ramp up to the big tough stuff. Kind of like a running start. Makes a huge difference in my day.

Finally, when all else fails, (but I don't know if you're able to work away from your usual workspace in your job) if there's any possible way to get away from where you usually do your work try it. When I've got creative block, I get so frustrated sitting at my desk I almost get near tears. It's then that I'm most susceptible to getting distracted by other things. So I pack up my sketch pad and project notes, and go sit in a coffee shop somewhere and work. Just the change in visual surroundings works wonders to 'unstick' your brain.

Oh one more thing! Another idea that works great for a writer/photographer friend of mine, is that she'll call a colleague and talk about what she wants to accomplish that week. By sharing her ideas with another person and hearing herself talk about it, she says she gains new ideas about the project she'd like to explore and gets her interested in it enough to start working on it. Also, hearing another person be interested in what you're doing; explaining it to them and interacting with them also helps motivate her.

I hope that helps - be sure to post and let us know how you're doing. Oh, one last thing, I'm betting you've already ready Steven Covey's '7 habits'? I've always liked his work. Take care!

FM, to some degree most of us suffer from procrastination so I can somewhat understand how you feel. I usually procrastinate because it's something that requires me to go out of my comfortzone or something I'm unsure of how to do or something that's just not very interesting to me and I'll avoid it until I can't anymore.

I'm wondering since you probably work from home that makes it even harder because you can just walk out of your 'office' and be at 'home'? Unlike when you go to work you have to dress differently, you have to drive etc to work and you can't leave that easily plus you've got your boss to answer to as well as it's usually a team project so other people sort of keep you on track by asking for progress or waiting on you. I'm sure you've already tried a lot of strategies etc so this is probably nothing new but perhaps like PG said if there's a way to incorporate same sort of a routine as if you were working at a company that may help? Do you use any project planning tools etc? I know you said you were familiar with the Getting Things Done strategy have you found that to help at all? In reading and trying various strategies do you have one or two that you feel work for you better than the others? Could you take those, brainstorm and improve upon them somehow?

journaling

Pretty low today and cried a bit. I've noticed that before the low hits I feel an uncomfortable numbness.

One trigger is the "holiday" weekend. It feels lonely when people are doing family stuff and a lot of my peeps are out of town. A lot of facilities and activities are closed. I've been struggling with being present with the children. I get exhausted from being the entertainment committee, especially when other children are not as available.

I'm sad for my DB friends who are hurting today. Trust seems like an insane proposition lately.

I have a lot to be grateful for, and a friend got me to laugh this morning. H has the kids for a few hours and I'm going to try to be good to myself now.

FM,

Try to get busy with something. I just pushed back from the Easter lunch table with my kids and my STBXW. The feelings I have toward my STBXW right now make it VERY difficult to be in the same house with her, let alone in the same room sharing a meal with her on what should be a happy family day. So, I understand the holiday "trigger."

How about starting a new book or going for a long walk (might be a bit too cold fir that) or clean the house. Anything to get your mind off the other stuff.

(((Flo)))

Sorry to hear about your low mood. We know how you feel. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt, as they say. GIMA makes a good suggestion...see if you can immerse yourself in something. Or you can just go through the mood and come out on the other side knowing that this is ANOTHER challenging holiday you have faced and that you are still standing.

I am off to the movies this evening but I'll check in with you later.

I am with you - you are not alone - it killed me to spend Easter at church with all the families although that was the best place to be! And to take S to an easter fair I went with H once upon a time. It rained the whole time lol.

PS I love your lists - keep taking little steps in those directions and you'll be on track. PS thank you for the lifeline on my thread your advice is well taken, even if I fail at it much of the time

I hear ya FM! I'm in the same boat today...I journaled about it in my thread too. It is hard but I got a few things done that I otherwise would've put off for later.

Hugs to: (((everyone hurting today)))

Thanks for the replies everyone. After posting I went for a walk. At first I just repeated a mantra to calm myself. Then I allowed myself to think a bit. I realized that the real trigger for my upset feelings was H shouting at S this morning. It really disturbs me and the children. I've been known to raise my voice in frustration too, but it doesn't have the aggression behind it like when H does. Another trigger is that I am so tired from waking up early every single morning. I don't think that Zoloft is going to work for me because of that. Also, I haven't been good about making sure that I eat. After my walk I had a short nap that I would have loved to continue, but I got up and had coffee. I don't think that I'll feel more happy until my energy improves, and for that I'll need more sleep and being careful to eat more regularly.

PG and SR, thanks for the input on the procrastination. PG, it helps me to read more specifically about what using accountability as a tool would look like.

Do try to care of yourself FM!!! Sleep helps with the PMA which helps with the energy level!!!