BBJ, you are a strong, take charge woman and Dan has pulled this BS passive-agressive sh!t on you for the last time! Say it out loud now....no more passive-agressive sh!t!!!! 5 times. Got it? Take charge, talk to Nathan. Talk to Sydney separately but make it tomorrow also. She will sense that Nathan is upset and you would want her to get it secondhand even from her own brother.
No, put on the smile, sing out loud, be fabulous and say 'SCREW DAN!'
Love you girl!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Dan is obviously attacking you with his same old lame-@ss subterfuge to try to distract you.
I guess I don't know why you keep dancing to his tune. Well, I do kinda know:
Habit (bad one) Hope(we all love to hope) Kids(they deserve so much better)
However, I simply will never understand why parents think kids are clueless as to what their parents, or anyone else, is up to! I remember being 7 years old and so does everyone else. At that age I was pretty damned insulted to hear so-called "grown-ups" act like what ever they said was going over my head. And the spelling out of words....FOR F's SAKE!!
Can anyone here honestly tell me that they were that clueless at 7 years old?
Just tell your sweet kids the truth. That "daddy" didn't want to be married to Mommy anymore and that we got divorced. Tell them that it only just happened recently(because that IS true, technically)
I would not sugar-coat it to where it was mutual. I think it's ok to let them know how much you wanted things to work out, and how sad you are that they didn't.
And BJ, please, I just hate reading where you are still so defensive re: dan's accusations. Just laugh in his f'd up face each time he can't figure out how to be a dad. But for his actions, none of this sh!t would be an issue.
BBJ don't beat yourself up... I really think that Nathan knows the truth already in his little heart. What he is looking for is for you to be honest with him so he knows he can trust you.
be as gentle as you can... but be honest with him or he will see right through you. Tell him you were hoping it would turn out different... explain that you are also hurt but tell him the truth. I wish I had learned that lesson when my boys were Nathan's age... instead by trying to protect them I damaged their trust in me.
Yes, find your voice, stomp that yard, cut the crap! BBJ, Dan is an abuser. He abuses you in this relationship. It is such an understatement to call it an unhealthy relationship! Here is an article that explains very well how a victim mentality creates an abusive relationship. It is Dan to a T. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ange...e-more-not-okay
Tell your son. Move on. Find a man not a wimpy, victim mentality abuser to spend your life with. You can and will do better! and let him throw his own baseball. If he wanted it done daily, he could have been a fulltime father. You are the mother!
Plus, why does dan push your son to play sports? I think Nathan should be listened to very closely as to what he does or does not enjoy doing as a pastime.
Oh, wait.....dan is trying to live vicariously through his kids' accomplishments, and will take it out on anyone, including Nathan, if he doesn't PRACTICE and DO WELL.
God, I hate so-called jocks who live through their kids.
Thanks, guys...pulled self up and am brushing off knees as we speak...
So he still wants to control things, though. I replied to his msg that we need to tell the kids and could tell them tomorrow. He replied that he has people in from Bulgaria tomorrow so it would need to be Weds or Thurs. My first response was ok weds.
But then I realized that is two more days of putting it off...plus the track meet tonight got postponed due to rain, so I am free tonight. I replied back that my meet was canceled, let's just tell them tonight and be done with it.
Haven't heard back yet...
Moving on. Sad for kids, but necessary. The man has had an entire year away from me and instead of doing any introspection he apparently has been logging my actions against his apparent checklist... Blah.
The man has had an entire year away from me and instead of doing any introspection he apparently has been logging my actions against his apparent checklist... Blah.
Why would he do any introspection when he can continue to just blame you for everything - his unhappiness, his failures in life, etc. He's not grown-up enough to own any of this - much easier for him to just project all the fault on you.
I wouldn't ask him anymore about arranging to do this talk - I'd just do it. He'll find a zillion reasons why it can't be when you want it to be. If you are going to communicate anything with him I'd make it something to the effect of "I'm talking the kids about this tonight at Xp.m. If you want to do this together then be here at that time." End of story.
I know it's no picnic to have to be like that, it's so much better to coparent as a coordinated team with responsible adult - unfortunately you don't have that with him right now. Hopefully he pulls his head out of his a** in the future and learns to act like a grown-up.
So, he did reply to my message. I had sent one saying meet is canceled let's do it tonight, you could leave work a bit early so we can go over the plan before picking them up from after-school care...
His reply? "Sure I'll just give (Boss Name) a jingle and tell him I'm leaving early"...
I would imagine that is his sarcastic immature way of saying he can't leave work early??? Never mind the trips he has taken for cattle purposes that required him to have time off. Or the days he has taken to work on his house or do taxes. Those all merited time off, but not telling his kids their mom and dad are divorced?
I would tell them myself tonight but he has them tonight...
I had sent one saying meet is canceled let's do it tonight, you could leave work a bit early so we can go over the plan before picking them up from after-school care...