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So next time he asks I am guessing you will be out of ink!

You know it Suzy!

Maybe you should be out of paper too! Maybe he will eventually get the hint, even though he seems a tad bit slow.

kat

Um.... Enforcing a boundary does not require lying or fibbing or sacrificing your integrity...

"Yes, my printer works, but its not available to you. That just doesn't work for me. But, I know that Staples and Officemax have printing services."

-- Don't answer the phone. Communicate via email. Set up a phone code only to be used in genuine emergencies.

-- Get your locks changed. Or, get keys to his home so you can drop by to grind coffee when you feel like it.

That has to be my all time favorite!!!

He doesn't have keys! Good Lord! I got those and the garage door opener from him the first time he left. I got the extra key he somehow snagged from my house the last time he was over to pick up Marc. He comes when Marc is home and Marc invites him in. Since it's Marc's house too I can't exactly tell him that he isn't allowed to have his dad there. That would be horribly b!tchy of me and that goes against my nature and only makes me feel bad.

He was printing the forms and instructions he needs to try to have his certification reinstated. Frankly, I hope he does get it so I can get the CS I'm entitled to, but I'm not holding my breath!

Hey Mish... long time on here.

Wondering if giving a house key to my S9 is prudent at this point. Kinda don't want the STBX in my house anymore. Usually I leave it wide open cause I'm so far back in the woods.

Hey I hope you know we were having some fun with the printer suggestions! If you can't have a light moment now and again what's the point.

kat

Light moments are always welcome!

MC - Marc is 15 and no longer has a key to the house because he's always losing it. My front door is always unlocked anyway so the nurses can get in to check on my mom.

I love OT's response.
I must be getting grouchy in my old age - I think I would have said "What makes you think its ok to use your ex-wife's things?" Then again, I have practiced "That doesn't work for me" over and over, so it's on the tip of my tongue (or the end of my typing fingers) when I get a nonsense request or demand.

Hon, I know that you are not looking for that small flicker of hope that he might someday come to his senses and rush back begging forgiveness and another chance - so, you may just have to spell out your new boundaries to him in very simple language. Use small words so he doesn't get confused.

Make a list of what you are, and what you are NOT, willing to put up with.

In my heart I know my boundaries but I can't seem to get the words out when it counts. Also, my 'oh so terribly nice and accommodating' soul only knows how to give others what they want regardless of the effect it might have on me. There is this automatic voice in my head that says, 'just give him what he wants so he doesn't accuse you of being a b!tch and just wanting to be mean.' I know this man, I know how his mind works, that thought about me will then lead him to not spending any time at all with Marc. As it is, he only sees him about an hour a week.

Why do I care if he sees him or not? It doesn't seem to have any effect on Marc. He is busy doing his own thing. It's all in my head isn't it? I feel it's important and I want to push that onto Marc. I expect (that nasty e word) that Gabe will want to be part of Marc's life and then I'm disappointed that a father would not make every effort to ensure his R with his child. Why? Why do I care? He dug his grave, he destroyed our lives, he's living in Shangri-La without a real care in the world and pretends he's a father when it's convenient for him.

This is all anger based on my part. I'm not angry about the A anymore, he's a slimeball and I should have known that from the start regardless of all his pretty words and supposedly loving actions. They were all a cover up for the liar and selfish idiot he always was. I'm more angry now about being left to shoulder EVERY damn responsibility. I don't want it, I hate it. Every day I do battle with myself not to just drive away to work in the morning and never come back. Then I cry all the way to work because that's such a horrible thought. It's so wrong to want to just leave everything behind and go away where no one knows me or needs something from me all the time. How the heck am I going to do this? I'm so tired, I just need a break for a while. I need to find a way to recharge myself because there is certainly no one that can help me do that.

How do you fill yourself up with loving feelings when there seems to be a hole in your soul that you can't plug?

No, not being pitiful today. I'm truly wondering what next step to take to fill this empty love tank. That's really hard to do on your own.

What do you guys do?