Wife: I made it very clear I would provide funds for your medication and bus fare only. Any further expenses you have will need to be funded by you. End of discussion.
Set boundaries and enforce them.
No excuses. No explanations. No background info needed.
Also, how will she be held accountable for her job search?
I"m not paying for it. She said I stated I would help her. I stated yes with necessities such as your medsand bus fare. food and hygeine is a maybe, but not luxuries such as your hair. If you get a job I will possibly help with a few clothes so you can work until you get your first check . But nothing else. No hair, no large sums of cash, etc etc.
i reenforced the boundary and you know what? it actually worked. No temper tantrum. NO fit. She said she will pay the phone bill and get a much cheaperless ehair style that she will pay for because she has a job interview on Thursday.
she also stated that she wants to take me out on my bday. it's in two more weeks. She is taking me out? What? Really?
we are both tauruses (yes i know what you're going to say lol)
City Girl you're a genius. LOL
oh she knows what is going to happen if she doesn't get off her ass and find a job.
I told her I will cut off everything cept her meds cause I'm not going to just let her get sick. But nothing else. Not a single thing.
So she went to the library today and set up an interview. Going back tommorrow. I'm not giving her cash anymore. I will simply transfer small amounts to our joint paypal account that is used for our business when there's something I promised to do for her. I told her if I see her messing around on the account (I've limitted her daily spending and access to it) then I will cut the card off
*stupid edit button timed out on me*
I guess this job is making a difference.
That's one thing MIL and SIL can no longer get in her ear about
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
You started work today after a long stretch of unemployment and you are still ONLY talking about your W?
No more!
What are your goals for your new job? Who did you meet? How can you get involved with the company and your new co-workers? it is crucial you begin to surround yourself with people who lead "normal" and stable lives as that is lacking for you right now.
IMO now that you have the finances established for the short term with your W I would limit the amount of contact you have with her for a while. You need to be 110% focused at your new job, she needs to find work ASAP and you both are a distraction to one another. No need to explain anything to her. Focus on you. And don't commit to a b-day date with her. That is two weeks out and much to soon to even be thinking about it.
I can promise you if you limit contact, keep your boundaries enforced, stop focusing on her and really dive full throttle into work and meeting new friends when you do talk to your W she will seem quite unattractive unless she starts making some changes.
If you only agreed to pay for her meds and bus fare why not get her a gift card to the pharmacy she buys her meds at and buy her a bus pass? Any other money she needs she needs to supply on her own. As long as ANY OM is in the picture she gets no support. It's odd you call her EA an EA but when pressed you say it is a friend from HS. Any man she shares intimate details of her life with takes away from emotional energy and time and further weakens the connection she has with you. IOW, she is keeping her options open. As long as she is talking to other men, no support other than what the law would require you too. Yes, you made a terrible error by indulging her so much but that changes. As you make money prepare yourself for continued request for "help".
You started work today after a long stretch of unemployment and you are still ONLY talking about your W?
No more!
What are your goals for your new job? Who did you meet? How can you get involved with the company and your new co-workers? it is crucial you begin to surround yourself with people who lead "normal" and stable lives as that is lacking for you right now.
IMO now that you have the finances established for the short term with your W I would limit the amount of contact you have with her for a while. You need to be 110% focused at your new job, she needs to find work ASAP and you both are a distraction to one another. No need to explain anything to her. Focus on you. And don't commit to a b-day date with her. That is two weeks out and much to soon to even be thinking about it.
I can promise you if you limit contact, keep your boundaries enforced, stop focusing on her and really dive full throttle into work and meeting new friends when you do talk to your W she will seem quite unattractive unless she starts making some changes.
If you only agreed to pay for her meds and bus fare why not get her a gift card to the pharmacy she buys her meds at and buy her a bus pass? Any other money she needs she needs to supply on her own. As long as ANY OM is in the picture she gets no support. It's odd you call her EA an EA but when pressed you say it is a friend from HS. Any man she shares intimate details of her life with takes away from emotional energy and time and further weakens the connection she has with you. IOW, she is keeping her options open. As long as she is talking to other men, no support other than what the law would require you too. Yes, you made a terrible error by indulging her so much but that changes. As you make money prepare yourself for continued request for "help".
LOL work was fun. I'm the only guy in my training class. Alot of beautiful women of all shapes and sizes in there. It was hard to concentrate.
My two trainers are very nice. We took a tour of the facility and for a billion dollar corporation the dress code is very relaxed and you can tell they have alot of fun.
I was pretty goofy today. I had alot of my co-workers laughing. I have to get used to 2 short breaks and a 30 minute lunch. Not enough time to smoke lol.
My mother put the flowers I bought her in a vase in the den. It made me smile.
We talked today and had a little laughter. It feels good to have a good conversation with her.
I'm going to buy her a bus pass at the beginning of the month. She'll have to go with me because she already has a reduced day pass (half of what everyone else pays due to her epilepsy I get to ride free cause of my eyes and she rides free with me lol) and I can get it half off.
She gets her prescriptions filled at the hospital clinic otherwise I would get her a prescription card. I won't put the money on the paypal account until it's time for her to get a refill.
If she needs a few groceries I will buy a limitted amount and she will have to make dude. Same with her hygeine items. Oh how I love "aisle 8a"
I still consider her "FRIEND" an E.A. even though he does not like women. I agree with your E.A. accessment totally. It's apart of the reason we had a problem before she left. She told one of our mutual friends (female) issues she had with me but did not tell me. The mutual friend did not tell me until after WAW was gone because her own R was ending so I rarely talk to her unless I try to find out info.
I really like this job alot. It's very close to home. I could walk there in about 30 to 45 minutes. I might try it on the way home one day to get some exercise.
Im thinking of getting a parttime gig once I find a way to fit my I.C. into this schedule. I miss her. She is a straight shooter and is very no nonsense.
The surgery is delayed at least until after training. One good thing about almost dying at the hospital is that I got almost all of the required presurgery tests except for the neurologist. They were too understaffed and backed up to see me that day.
But I have two different referrals. One from Division of Blind Services doctor. One from the hospital. THey also gave me forms to get some insurance so I can try to get some meds for diabetes too.
Possible anemia. They couldn't really tell. I wouldn't be surprised though. My father has that as well as high blood pressure, sickle, diabetes, and arthritis.
I'm really wanting to just have the surgery for my eye. I'm going to tell my contact through the temp agency and my supervisor tommorrow.
I'm looking at some online schools. Might as well make good use of this blind waiver for college.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
I can promise you if you limit contact, keep your boundaries enforced, stop focusing on her and really dive full throttle into work and meeting new friends when you do talk to your W she will seem quite unattractive unless she starts making some changes.
Its funny you mention this because I was just thinking it.
My wife (as usual) was pretty mean to me today when I needed to talk to her about some basic buisinessy type stuff, and after I had a great weekend with new friends, I really didn't care.
She emailed me like 4 hours later to apologize for being that way, and I don't feel the urge to reply that I usually would.
You asked a couple questions on my thread; I figured I would cross-post them here to make sure you saw the answers. I have not had time to read your sitch; but I see you are being double-teamed by Rob and Puppy. They can be a little harsh; but they know what they are talking about. You would do well to listen to them.
Good luck. -T
Originally Posted By: james217
congrats tristan. I have a few questions.
whenever your W is off the meds then she begans to get depressed and want to talk seperation right?
my WAW is not bipolar but she has epilepsy and her meds to prevent seizures can cause her to act bipolar.
She was recommended to take antidepressants.
before the meds did your waw just impulsively do things? no logic? panic attacks? paranoia? temper and emotions high and low and up and down?
i'm glad things are working out for you. congrats on the selling thehouse
My W has always battled depression. She had one bad panic attack shortly after our second daughter was born. However, impulsivity, paranoia, agitation, and rapid cycling did not really occur until after she was on the anti-depressants. There is an unofficial diagnosis of Bipolar III that is defined by the patient only experiencing the manic symptoms after taking anti-depressants. My diagnosis would be that, but I am not a doctor by any means. She has been off the meds since October and still has bouts with depression, but she manages it. She is still a little impulsive at times, but that is one of the things I love about her
My W has always battled depression. She had one bad panic attack shortly after our second daughter was born. However, impulsivity, paranoia, agitation, and rapid cycling did not really occur until after she was on the anti-depressants. There is an unofficial diagnosis of Bipolar III that is defined by the patient only experiencing the manic symptoms after taking anti-depressants. My diagnosis would be that, but I am not a doctor by any means. She has been off the meds since October and still has bouts with depression, but she manages it. She is still a little impulsive at times, but that is one of the things I love about her
I am going to expound on this a little more. There is very little doubt that my W acted very differently during the time that she was on the AD's. However, this overlapped with the time that she was most involved in her affair. So it is very difficult to discern what was due to the meds and what was due to the affair. She is not sure herself; she told me that she believes that she is "just making better decissions" now. Hope that helps.
You asked a couple questions on my thread; I figured I would cross-post them here to make sure you saw the answers. I have not had time to read your sitch; but I see you are being double-teamed by Rob and Puppy. They can be a little harsh; but they know what they are talking about. You would do well to listen to them.
Good luck. -T
My W has always battled depression. She had one bad panic attack shortly after our second daughter was born. However, impulsivity, paranoia, agitation, and rapid cycling did not really occur until after she was on the anti-depressants. There is an unofficial diagnosis of Bipolar III that is defined by the patient only experiencing the manic symptoms after taking anti-depressants. My diagnosis would be that, but I am not a doctor by any means. She has been off the meds since October and still has bouts with depression, but she manages it. She is still a little impulsive at times, but that is one of the things I love about her
ok. Is she in I.C? and yes I have been stubborn but rob, PDT, C.G. and these vets are not giving up on me. I'm starting to understand a few things.
Originally Posted By: tristan
I am going to expound on this a little more. There is very little doubt that my W acted very differently during the time that she was on the AD's. However, this overlapped with the time that she was most involved in her affair. So it is very difficult to discern what was due to the meds and what was due to the affair. She is not sure herself; she told me that she believes that she is "just making better decissions" now. Hope that helps.
-T
What type of depression? Feeling unsexy? Unpretty? No self esteem? Did she state that her A made her feel better about herself? If these questions are too personal just let me know. You seem to be pieceing and I don't want to reopen any wounds
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
