Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Reconnecting - Do they know?

This is an UNDERSTATEMENT! I am proof positive if you go back and read my old threads. If I would have just accepted that my M was over and let H go and let God. Things could have been so different. Instead I hung on so tight and did everything in my power to try and change H and the sitch. I drug myself and my girls through so much more pain and suffering. Some of which I will carry with me the rest of my life.

This is such good insight. Thanks for posting.

I don't really have a thread of my own so hope I'll get a response here and won't be stepping on anyones toes...

Okay, after the last couple of weeks I of course have been doing alot of thinking, hell that's all I've been doing. On one hand I am madder than heck that XH contacted me. All it did was stir things up for me and get me hurting again. On the other I can't help but wonder if it's the beginning of maybe something good, like maybe he is coming out of this thing.

Now what do I do about it for me?

What I want to do is to write XH a letter. I want to tell him that I had been doing just fine until those two little VM's and one text. Then it all came flooding back. For an instant I felt hope again that we could maybe be together again someday. Then in a moment it all came crashing down once again. I want to tell him that I will always love him very much. That no one will ever take his place in my heart. BUt I have to put a stop to all this termoil in my life. That if ever there comes a day that he can be sincere with himself and I and he finds that he really does miss me and wants to be with me again. And OW is REALLY gone from his life, then he can call me. But until then to please leave me alone.

Something like that anyway.

I don't want to make him mad. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to totally shut the door on him, but I have to stop him from putting me through this time and time again. We have been apart for 3 years, and D for 1. It's over. Unless he can be real.

What do you think? Or should I just leave it all alone?
Please help? Snodderly?
TOH

Oh, PLEASE...LEAVE IT ALL ALONE!

You have no new words. He has heard them, he knows.

You don't have to respond. If he wants you back in his life, he will soon figure out that it will take more than a drunken call.

And if he doesn't,

he is not worth your time.

thanks CMNM,
That's kind of what I was thinking and probably why I asked. I just wish....
Well you know.

Thank you,
TOH

Don't respond like this, you're just guilting him. If he's starting to come out, you'll just scare him away and that is not what you want to do. You have to be patient and gentle if you want him to come around and in time, when he's ready, on his time, he will make it clear that he's ready to talk.

And in the mean time I just ignore the calls like I did that night? So far he will not talk to me sober. And there is no reasoning with him drunk nor do I want to. Hell I don't even think I this point I want to R. If he comes out of this and is different than he is today than there's a good posibilty. But the way he is today, still. I don't want to be in OW shoes. Let her deal with him. She deserves him the way he is now.

It's just that I see signs of the "old" H but better. That is what is drawing my attention. That and I miss the bond that we had. Our friendship, our life.

I guess I'll put it back on the shelf and see what happens...

H seems to have taken a step back since the last visit. No contact for 3 days. I know this is normal and part of the journey they make moving forwards and backwards. It is so frustrating isn't it.
Since his visit other people have witnessed the children coming out to play. OW is still there. Confusing isn't it?

HUGS

OTOH,
Just leave it alone! Do not send your xh anything. If he were truly coming out of the fog, he wouldn't be calling you when he's drunk. He would be calling you when he was sober. Just let the calls roll off your back and if he calls and you don't feel like picking up the phone, then don't.

Let it go.

Hope,
No, it's not confusing to those of us who have already traveled the road of mlc madness. He had a few moments of clarity and now he's right back up in the rabbit hole. When he's ready, he'll stick his head out again.