I disagree with you Allen - and you weren't there.
Disagreement is senseless here, I wasn't there and the entire exchange between you and your H isn't on this forum.
All I can post to is what you have written here.
Telling me I wasn't there isn't relevant. I am telling you what I get from your posts, that's all i have to work with.
You are arguing about what happened between you and your husband. I am talking about what I am reading on this forum.
You may be right in life, he may have invited yo to compete. But you haven't written that on this forum anywhere that i have read.. and no I don't have everyone of your posts burned into my memory for immediate recall.
Yes, he probably was expecting you to compete, but I don't think you said that outright on this forum, and I still don't see that sort of thing occur on this forum very often... Which was my point... Even if your H did invite you to compete, he's in the minority.. Most don't suggest something this rude.
Most spouses hide the affair (mb28's WH, Passenger's WH) or they just parade the affair about and drop all the friends who disagree with them (Maynard's wife is an excellent example)
And yes I know Passenger's WH did parade about too early on... but Passenger's Exposure approach was so damn solid and thorough he had to go into hiding again.... She NAILED it and he had to run for cover. Either way, Pass' H has never invited her to compete either. I think his behaviour is implying that, but he isnt' rude enough to suggest it outright. Even HE hasn't gone that far yet.
I don't see many at all who invite the LBS to compete... Your H is a very special case on this forum... that's been proven by yourself already I think... At least to my recollection.
Here here! If MY Husband hasn't suggested it, it's pretty bad... LOL He's up for jerk of the year award at this point, anyone want to vote. LOL
Q: Does the man he used to be shrink smaller and smaller inside this empty shell until it's like the incredible shrinking man? "I'm getting smaller! SMALLER! I'm shrinking..."
Because I think I hear his voice getting smaller and smaller and more shrill, matching OWs. Compete? I can't even find him to compete over. LOL. Thanks for the laughs.
He's in there, but you have to decide if he's worth the work...
You have to be brutally honest with yourself. I will warn you.. He has a LOT of growing up to do.
Part of why Tuppy reccomends a protection phase is to protect you from seeing how BAD he can get... to remember his potential rather than turning away when he's at his worst.
If you walk out and find a new home for example, and invite his kids to stay with you until he's grown up, you won't have to see how horrible he will get... if you stay there and keep pursuing him you will get very ill and lose a LOT more respect for him.
It's though seeing your spouse at their worst because it allows doubt to creep in.
The affair is consuming him... along with the alcohol... and yes he and OW likely sound very much alike right now... both using the same script most addicts do...
I need this I want this It's good for me I don't have a problem I'm not hurting anybody Everyone treats me horribly I can't go back I can't deal with that nightmare at home It's everyone else's fault...
I imagine she's selling the same story to anyone who will listen.
You need to assess the amount of work involved in turning this around and asking yourself if you are willing and able to do it.
It's a very tough choice...
But, the easiest route is to just go into protection phase and NOT divorce. Move out to a new home he's not in, invite his kids to stay there as long as they want. HE is not welcome until he stops cheating.
You live life as a single married mom and shut him out entirely... Keep exposing his affair and your objectives to anyone who asks...
YOu can life a full life for six months to a year outside of him .. you don't NEED him to complete you right now... so you don't need to decide.
The most important thing is to protect yourself from him for NOW so you can live a full life and he isn't holding you back at all.. Right now while in the same home he's holding you BACK.
It's very difficult to pull this sort of thing off living in the same home as someone addicted to an affair... It's do-able but you may lose your sanity in the process.. is it worth it?
