Lan, Good luck with your goals and milestones for getting in shape and whatever else is healthy and within your control for now.
(PS: I've continued to hear repeatedly from the pro-D folks that its better to D than to expose the children to conflict, even the passive kind as its bound to explode later. Then again I've heard from the pro-M, God-fearing folks that its better to have conflict than to D. I think either state is unhealthy for the children, let alone the spouses; its best to assertively resolve the conflict which is much easier said than done when one person is dysfunctional enough to make this next to impossible.)
Lan, Good luck with your goals and milestones for getting in shape and whatever else is healthy and within your control for now.
(PS: I've continued to hear repeatedly from the pro-D folks that its better to D than to expose the children to conflict, even the passive kind as its bound to explode later. Then again I've heard from the pro-M, God-fearing folks that its better to have conflict than to D. I think either state is unhealthy for the children, let alone the spouses; its best to assertively resolve the conflict which is much easier said than done when one person is dysfunctional enough to make this next to impossible.)
"I think either state is unhealthy for the children, let alone the spouses; its best to assertively resolve the conflict which is much easier said than done when one person is dysfunctional enough to make this next to impossible.)"
What the above statement translates to, is with some of our situations, they are unstable because our partner wants it unstable. In the case of boundaries, the boundaries are constantly broken because the other partner is breaking them with intent to do so. Its why it can be next to impossible.
What the above statement translates to, is with some of our situations, they are unstable because our partner wants it unstable. In the case of boundaries, the boundaries are constantly broken because the other partner is breaking them with intent to do so. Its why it can be next to impossible.
Yes, I think this is very applicable to my case which is why I am no longer fighting it.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
Some day you may desire a new loving relationship with a woman who cares enough to work at making love thrive.
Maybe somtime in the future (if I don't get too old) but for now I'll concentrate on my health and the little princess.
What the above statement translates to, is with some of our situations, they are unstable because our partner wants it unstable. In the case of boundaries, the boundaries are constantly broken because the other partner is breaking them with intent to do so. Its why it can be next to impossible.
Yes, I think this is very applicable to my case which is why I am no longer fighting it.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
Some day you may desire a new loving relationship with a woman who cares enough to work at making love thrive.
Maybe somtime in the future (if I don't get too old) but for now I'll concentrate on my health and the little princess.
Lanzo
Why wait? Life is too short. A lady who values you will boost your self-worth and improve your quality of life by a ton. Your going to do the same thing for her, thats the whole point.
Why wait? Life is too short. A lady who values you will boost your self-worth and improve your quality of life by a ton. Your going to do the same thing for her, thats the whole point.
Too much risk too soon. We didn't recognize the dysfunctional partner to begin with or they changed and we couldn't make things work with them. Failure is ~50% for 1st marriages, ~75% for 2nd marriages. Life's too short for another judgment error esp. with children to focus on.
I don't know if this link will work or not...I love these guys, Cloud and Townsend. They wrote the "Boundaries" series of books (boundaries, boundaries in marriage, boundaries in dating, etc)...
I know people disagree on the specific timeline but I love what Mr. Cloud says about our "people picker" needing improvement and about dating several people before settling down....
Why wait? Life is too short. A lady who values you will boost your self-worth and improve your quality of life by a ton. Your going to do the same thing for her, thats the whole point.
I could not agree with this more.
I am a natural introvert and enjoy time by myself, however, I do know that life is so much more enhanced if you can share the good times with someone else. Looking forward to the end of the work day to see them. Being able to talk about each others day.
Choosing the right person is the trick. I like to think that I have gained insight from past relationships and that it will serve me well in finding someone who is my soul mate.
It is your choice Lan. I understand why you are sticking it out because a divorce would diminish your time with your princess of a daughter. As long as you dont become too bitter or cynical, it may be best to wait until your daughter is older before considering severing your marriage. Or there is the chance that your W will change and have a desire to help your relationship grow.
I imagine you have coworkers and friends that are in great relationships. And you may know some who are on second relationships that worked out much better than their first. My brother, mother and father are all in great 2nd marriages.
I dont dismiss the statistic which says that second marriages have a higher failure rate, however, I think a good amount of those failures could be attributed to the person that was a walk away, mlc or did not grow during their first marriage.
