Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers He dropped the I want out sentence out of the blue

i agree the only way i was able to sleep was going out and running....now i am 20 pounds lighter and feel much better...also helps me clear my mind.

i also found a bit of melatonin before bed helped me drift off.

gman

A book which I feel is becoming a must-read for the left-behind spouse is The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. There is a blog post that gives some examples of the techniques Anderson discusses for putting yourself and your life back together.

Another good book for you to look at is The Solo Partner by Phil Deluca; it discusses much of the same stuff as Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy, and also covers topics like emotional reactivity (here is a good article by Scott Ginsberg on the subject) and detachment (here is a Livestrong.com article on detachment). If you can work on detaching and overcoming emotional reactivity, you have some useful tools for when the rebuilding begins.

Next, work on yourself. The easiest way to start this is to read, read, read. 1000ships collected a whole bunch of good articles by James J. Messina, the author of "Developing Detachment" above, in this thread.

Psychology Today has a good series of articles that may help, as well:

• Better Living through Cognitive Dissonance
• Disarming The Jealousy Complex
• Love without Hurt: Boot Camps for Compassion
• Marriage and the Power to be Happy
• Victim Identity: I'm Not Okay, You're More Not Okay
• What Kind of Partner Do You Want to Be?

Here are some other books to look at:

• Getting Back Together by Bettie Youngs and Masa Goetz
• His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
• For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn

Is it possible he is too ashamed to speak? He might also be getting the full impact of the D filing.

Do you think you want this relationship despite his actions?

I'm 41, I have 2 girls 12 and 15 in a few weeks. they hate their dad and have not seen him since March. I don't think I will ever trust a best friend or lover like I trusted those two. They just keep hurting my kids... she lives across the street from me ...UGH! I havent read any books. Because of all this I even lost my job. I such a mess. I have been with him for 23 yrs. What a waste

Well I am 30 lbs lighter cause I walk and walk and walk and pace. Its crazy. Bright side his girlfriend and him are getting fatter. (ha) just a little vengeful there