Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Need a Plan for My Marriage

I just received a message while I was picking up my D from school from our MC, and the counselor said that W called and wanted to meet. I have not called back because I am not interested in going to MC and have do like last time and legitimize her A with the OM. I would go back if I felt it would do some good. But she does not tell the truth there, and I end up feeling like I am the bad guy. I just don't want to feel that way.

I don't know whether I should go or not. Just wanted to see what everyone here thought I should do. I am going to call counselor and see if he will tell me anymore. I really am just trying to take care of myself and stay out of this A stuff.

She wanted me to return something for her because I am using our one car we have today. She was telling me to do it. She was you have time. It is not like she knows what I am doing today. I am just not going to do it.

Anyways I just do not want to do anything for her these days.

LSG<

you may have to switch counselors.

Hi DaddyLongShanks,

I am not sure what to do at this point.

She did not wear her wedding ring today. I noticed that this morning. I did not say anything. There is not much to say.

Tonight we went to McDonalds with the kids and to Blockbuster for a movie after I picked her up.

At Blockbuster, she mentioned she wanted to go back to counseling. I asked why? She did not really say, so I just left it alone.

At McDonalds, we talked a little while the kids played in the Playplace. She mentioned counseling again. Again, I asked why? She said when we D we need to be able to communicate better for the kids. She told me that from the beginning of this that she wanted a D, and she said "obviously you don't. She said we could go together or do 2 and 2 of the remaining 4 sessions we have left. I told her I will think about it.

I was so angry inside that she mentioned that we needed counseling to learn to communicate better while she is the one having an A. I did keep my cool even though I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I really don't know what to do. I am trying not believe anything she says, but it did hurt to the core of me.

I do try to communicate with her to have her be negative and not listen. I just find it terrible that she is the one with the communication problems, and she wants me to get counseling. I did want to say more, but I did not want to start an argument, so I politely got up to have another refill.

She found my handwritten journal, but she did not have time to read it, and the kids said mommy has your book. I said okay and did not say anymore. It only tells about what happens with her during the day, nothing more. I write the really "juicy stuff" here. She was looking at some adultery books I left (intentionally)on the table from the library.

Anyways, I just want her to go to sleep tonight, so I have my time to relax my mind and calm my stomach a little.

My sitch seems to progressing in the opposite direction than I had hope.

I still do have hope, but it becomes more difficult everyday.

Venting I guess - I really cannot believe what is happening to me and my marriage. I do not want a D, and I know noone does.

I know that I cannot give up. I just am so detached from my W that I feel I am losing her more than ever. I have been trying to be strong, but tonight it is just killing me. I know I am whining, but I guess I need to once in awhile.

It just seems so unlikely that we will make it through intact as a couple through this nightmare I call my M.

Each passing day becomes more difficult than the last one.

I just having nothing left to say...

I am still trying to figure out why she wants to counseling to "communicate" better for the kids if we divorce. She is always negative when we discuss anything. If she wants to "communicate" better she just needs to try. She is always making it appear to everyone and herself that I am the reason we are unable to "communicate." I just stopped trying to talk with her to stop being made to feel bad.

I just don't know how counseling will change her if she does not want to change. The counselor could tell her how, but it is up to her to make the effort. Noone is able to make her change the way she acts towards me but her.

Many of us could have written this ^ - hugs LSG

Hi LSG, just came across your thread and haven't read back, so I'm not in a position to give advice, but can't any 'counselling' around children happen post D? From reading your last posts I am worried she is trying to control you and also validate her poor choices.
I also want to say I am sorry for the pain you - we all - are going through and I wish you the best.

LSG

Thinking about you, man. It's tough, I know.

You will know when enough is enough. True detachment comes when you are okay with either outcome.

It's harder with the kids, I understand. Like I said before, and I strive for this every minute of every day, be the BEST FATHER you can be and try to take comfort in the fact that your kids will know you did all that you knew how to do. They WILL know it.

We all have good days and bad ones. We can read in other peoples posts and see when they are having trouble and when things are okay. Up and down. My week has been the same; some up and some down.

Agree with her that D is the best thing. Don't push back. Let her spout her garbage and you go do something, anything with your kids. Get your mind off of her. I read it here a thousand times and only recently have been brave enough to say to her, "you're right, this M is over and I don't know why I have been fooling myself for so long." It works! I don't know if my M can be saved in the long run, but it throws them off of their game. They don't know what to say because they are so used to you trying to talk them out of it. When she's an a$$, let her be, don't ask what's wrong or try to help, leave her be and go do something else.

Come here and let out your feelings, but only show her strength and make her think you are okay. Soon enough, you will be okay no matter what. We will be okay.

Here's a quick man hug <h> !

Hang in there, you will be okay. Good, even. Don't doubt it for a second.

Hi luvless,

Thanks for the hugs! I sure could use them. Here is a hug back to you.

Hi Piano,

I so appreciate any advice you would like to give on my thread. I am glad you came accross it.

I agree with your assessment of the counseling and her intended purpose for it. This is the reason I have been reluctant to commit to going. If it is for any other reason than helping to improve our marriage I am not for it. As you said regarding the kids, a post divorce counseling could accomplish a lot more. I am not for D and never have been. It is the only choice for me. I may change my mind but that time is not now.

Thank you for all your kind support. It really does help me alot.