Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Please post if your DB'ing worked...

I've grown weary of DB'ing and sometimes feel like I should just divorce my wife. She just will not come back to the fold. I'm wanting to hear some stories..especially low bottom cases where you were certain your marriage was over but things ended up working out. How bad was it, what you did and what it is like now.

You have not been at it very long if I can go by your registration date. There are some good stories on here from past sitches. For most people it has taken ATLEAST a year to get back together. Have patience if you hope to make it! You can do it.

I haven't been at it long enough and to be honest, DBing would have been more successful up to this point if I had truly stuck to it and not let me emotions take over.

I will tell you that anytime I have DBd, even if only for a day, I have seen results! The key is to continue doing it (which I still find hard to stick to because of my stupid emotions).

Good luck! The way I look at it is what do I have to lose? I feel as though I have already lost everything! At least, in the end, if we are not together, I know I did what was best for me and my family and I will have no regrets. It's better than thinking I could of, would of, should of, KWIM?

Good luck!!

Hi HIM,

I am sorry that you are here, but I would say that this board has been a success for 90% of the people that visit it. I see people grow stronger and wiser here everyday learning new things about themselves. The other 10% never give the site a chance.

Yes, I am one that did get a second chance at my marriage. But it was not because I did everything right. In fact, I think many of the vets here would let you know that I started out pretty pathetic. The only reason I got the second chance was because my W had the courage to see the changes I made and make changes herself. Unfortunately, we do not have control over our spouses; so a second chance can not be guaranteed.

If you listen and follow the advice of the people on this board, you will grow stronger. You will find a way out of the painful place you are now. And your life will improve.

Good luck and take care,
-T

I agree two months is nothing. I don't think the dust settled for at least 6 months in my sitch.

My advice is to start reading the books suggested here and start to fully understand the meaning of a marriage.

Read other folks sitchs here, especially the ones that did succeed. Take the advice from other that you think would work for you.

I found this golden nugget today while searching myself:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1971455&#Post1971455

Check it out, it all about you now.

Hoping,

As said, if your join date is any indicator of your 'DB'ing', buddy, you're only getting started, and it's gonna get worse before it gets better.

Already, cardinal rule #1 doesn't seem to be sinking in for you: "DB'ing" is for YOU. Yes, getting your spouse back is the ultimate goal, but your spouse doesn't want to come back to the same you they left in the first place.

No, you don't have to "everything by the book". And no, you don't have to transform yourself into some complete alter ego of yourself either.

I lost everything. I lost my marriage. I lost my kids. I lost my home and almost everything I amassed in 10 years of my life. We had a hilacious, nasty divorce.

But, I realized, I lost my voice, I lost my identity. I realized I became, well, a wuss. And wussies aren't very attractive now are they? I became a simple 'yes dear' to not rock the boat and let her walk all over for me for 2 years while she deteriorated in her own way.

And then, she left.

And now, she's back. Why? I'm not that wuss anymore. I'm who I was when we met. Full of fire and life. Determined. And yet, yes, at the same time, I need her and she needs me, but not to take the other for granted and always be respectful of each other. We now both know the level of hurt and destruction we can cause each other, and never want to live it again.

Way to go DDAY.... Love that..
I hope I am you one day soon..
HM.. it is patience.. Dont give up.. I have been at this a few months myself. I can tell you there are ups and downs..
In fact, this roller coaster would be a great ride at teh amuzement parks!!...

thanks all very much for posting. I guess maybe I'm being a wuss. If I told you all the stuff I've been through since being married you would not believe it. I'm ashamed of myself for wanting to give up after only 2 mos..it seems like it's been years. Actually she's been talking D for about a year.

Hoping

Not knowing your total sitch it's hard to comment on specifics.

It has already been said the thing you should be focusing on is YOU.

When you do this that's when things start to get better.

All the DBing is good if you are living it. IMO if you are employing strategies you will not last the race. Strategies mean EXPECTATIONS.

Look at what you are doing. When you do your DBing is it for YOU or is it for some result you EXPECT?

Expectations will be your downfall.

You're already here asking because you didn't get what you EXPECTED.

DO for YOU.

The only expectation you should have is for YOU.

Nothing to be ashamed of and it will happen time and time again.

In one aspect tho, yes, you should give up. Give up on trying to revive something that became so broken that it entirely changed you, and changed your spouse for the worse. Instead of beating a dead horse, look ahead, for a better life for you and let your Wstraighten herself out as well. In the meantime, the better off you are with yourself and see yourself in a whole new light, she may as well. But, as perfectly said, don't expect it. Expectation is the root of all failure for us all here.