Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers W still wants separation, need to DB more

Thank you all for your feedback/advice.

Please know, I do the things I do such as the good gestures and pleasantries because I want to be a man that any woman would want to be with, not just my W. Would I love to get a positive response from my W, of course, but most of the time I don't and as my posts would show, I keep doing it because that is the person I want to be.

I post my daily interactions with my W because it helps me and sometimes helps you all help me.

I do admit there are times where me and my W have an interaction and her response or reaction makes me think "wow, really? do you have to act/respond like that?" but I don't respond or react negativity as I did in the past and make it about me. I stay calm and sometimes just walk away to stay level headed.

* Update:
My W had returned home from work. Today she had planned to go the the shooting range for the very first time with a female co-worker. In the past I had shunned the idea. Today and leading up to, today I was very encouraging and actually excited for her. I let her know this. Interactions were OK up till she left, and when she did leave, so did I. I ran some errands ect. My W called me at one point because she thought she was lost but turned out she was only a block away from her destination. Before we hung up I told her to have fun (and meant it).


When my W was on her way home, she called me to tell me she was on her way and we briefly talked about how her experience was and I said encouraging things like "I knew you would get the hang of it, you are good at picking up things and learn quickly." She said she wanted to focus on driving and we would talk and show me when she got home...I said "bye" and she said nothing.

When my W got home she showed me her target and all the holes in it, I was proud of her and acted as such. I had made some food while she was gone and so we sat down and ate while watching TV and talking about the good time she had ect... Then she became cold again. I asked her a question and she responded with a noise rather than words...I told her about plans I had for Friday (a friends stag) and tld her I planned on attending since he attended mine. This is the same friend that works with her and she told me "I know" as in she already knew about the party friday before I told her. This time she responded with facial expressions rather than words or a noise. So I said "hmmm" and walked away.

I went up stairs and started to read a book while she was in the kitchen cutting up the watermelon I had just purchased. When she was finished she walked up stairs and told me she cut it up and put it in a bowl and fed the dog and that she was going to g0 take a bath....She came put asked for me to get her something and then asked if I could wash her work shirt...

I did and that is where we are now....

When she shuts down like that, you should probably stop trying to have conversation with her. She's obviously not interested.

I do. I just don't know that she is or has shut down... It just happens,v she responds or reacts only after no leading up to...I don't question why she does it I just stop and end the convo or walk away

"Please know, I do the things I do such as the good gestures and pleasantries because I want to be a man that any woman would want to be with, not just my W. Would I love to get a positive response from my W, of course, but most of the time I don't and as my posts would show, I keep doing it because that is the person I want to be."

EXACTLY!

"I do. I just don't know that she is or has shut down... It just happens,v she responds or reacts only after no leading up to...I don't question why she does it I just stop and end the convo or walk away"

Perfect. Just say what needs to be said and if she doesn't respond, well that's up to her. Keep the positives going for you.

Mr Bond,

I agree with you guys, but monitor yourself.

I did this to the point in a particular relationship where I got negative responses and over time it was diminishing my self-esteem to do it.

In that particular case, the female was found to have been a lesbian with undercover masculine tendancies. She did not want it, and her body language and attitude would project it.

Do it because you want to, but be aware.

"Do it because you want to, but be aware."

Wrong. This is doing it with expectation.

You do it because you want to and you don't give a f@ck if she responds nicely or not. Believe me, if you start making positive behaviors into habits, there will be others who are going to take notice.

Bologna.. Don't kid yourself. Of course we care how they respond.
Guys who think this way are destined for failure. Women don't respect a man that keeps on giving to her while she is giving very little or nothing in return. For love to work mutually it MUST be reciprocated. Don't lie to yourself and say you don't care how she responds to you. That is silly. Don't make it the most important thing in your life, but also don't overlook how she is treating you back.

It was my habit, because I was raised to do it. This persons act was so terrible, that it made me detest doing it for them in particular. I'm not doing it for a "man" like you would for a woman. You'll know if you ever get to the point I described, and trust me it doesn't feel good at all. Like if you did it for one particular woman, and she spit a lugie into your face each and every time you did it, you probably wouldn't do it for her.

You can't be a gentleman to everyone, some people are very good at taking advantage of it.

Thanks Gucci,

I still believe in manners and some chivalrous behavior. You just can't do it for everyone.

I think MrBond just doesn't know. That lack of respect or negative respect for doing it... Diminishes you, after a while of it you will notice and if you have brains you will realize you just can't do it for certain people.

Or maybe we don't feel we can demand something that has to be given freely.