I have asked him repeatedly, why did he do this? Why? He states that he saw no other way. He was in a situation that he hated so much and just so badly wanted it to end at any cost. He could not longer take the way things were.
did you ever suggest mc? there was another success story (Britt?) where the Britt's h also gave the same excuse for dropping the d-bomb.
this must be a common thing that goes to Hs when they feel they cannot fix the situation. they just want out. my h has been the same way. just wants out at any cost. he is finding out that the cost of wanting out is more than he bargained for. i feel like he's creating a nightmare for himself and blaming me for it. this further fuels is reason that the situation is bad and he needs to get out.
i am still at the early stages of db-ing. i flip flop with my emotions for most of the time. why do i want a relationship with someone who has hurt me so much? can i forgive this person? but i love him.
i also go through a lot of what-ifs. what if he meets someone else and it's too late to db? maybe i should've begged and pleaded. maybe i shouldn't have acted as if nothing was wrong. i have no evidence and no reason to believe that there is OW but that doesn't stop the scenario from entering my head - what if he's planning on marrying some mystery woman and they live happily ever after? what if i lose him for good? what if i can't get over him? what if he never falls in love me with me again?
i go into panic state every once in a while and my mind just goes bonkers with questions.
is it really possible for someone to fall in love with you again?
I am in much the same boat, and am in full panic mode much of the time.
I have been asked for a D, and W is in a tailspin, even though she asked for the D. Says our marriage is dead, that she is not in love with me anymore.
Is it really possible to regain love and trust when so much has been lost?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Is it really possible to regain love and trust when so much has been lost?
from what i've read, it is possible and that it is a long process.
you have to be willing to forgive the past be able to look beyond all of the hurt you have to be okay with letting them go this is where i have the most difficulty i have to wrap my head around the fact that detaching doesn't mean you stop loving the other person you have to step back and let the other person figure out stuff on their own you have to be willing to give him/her as much time and space to figure things out in the meantime, i also have to figure things out as well if h and i were to reconcile, i have to be baggage-free which means letting go of the hurt, resentment, and anger if i try to reconcile with all of my baggage, it won't work and i'd be back here again it's easier said than done and it takes time a lot of time and patience use the forum when you feel like you are in panic mode but the best way to combat panic mode is to GAL
the last two success stories have been posted by women. and they describe what their hs were going through during the turbulent times. it was common for them to bail when they were faced with an unhappy marriage it gives me some insight and comfort in understanding what is possibly (not 'exactly') going on in my h's head.
i don't know what a female would do or whether they go through the same thought process.
I understand everything you are saying, and appreciate the insight. I am trying to live by those ideas, but it is very, very hard.
W is in a massive tailspin at this point, tremendously depressed over everything she is losing (H, friends, H family). Note that she is the one who asked for a D! It is very hard to sit by and watch, but I don't really know what to do. Do I try to console her, or just step back and let it go (which is killing me to do).
Feeling very, very helpless.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
It is very hard to sit by and watch, but I don't really know what to do. Do I try to console her, or just step back and let it go (which is killing me to do).
as difficult as it sounds yes, you have to step back been there, done that here's an example: how do you help an alcoholic? you can't. you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped they have to figure it out for themselves that they have a problem and need help
talking about how hard it is will not do you any good don't just take a step back from w then take another step back from yourself and take a look at yourself what are you doing about you for yourself?
i know it's hard to hear but sometimes we all need a swift kick in the pants. i know i needed it.
as difficult as it sounds yes, you have to step back been there, done that here's an example: how do you help an alcoholic? you can't. you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped they have to figure it out for themselves that they have a problem and need help
