Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Time for darkness.... (thread number 3)ears open

Man it's really really hard dude. my sister is alot older than me and we're not really close. My mother and I just bump heads and are not on the same page. My dad is pretty upset about sitch with WAW and so i'm not really talking to him.

Most of the friends I have are women. And I don't want to get caught up in an E.A. like before because I know I'm vulnerable.
Some of them have already tried to hit on me or just convince me WAW is no good and we should go out and all this type of stuff. I don't want to do that although I am going back dark.

I'm so used to us turning to each other and working together to sort through all of this. I have to accept that right now she's not here and probably doesn't care. Even if she asks me.

This past week really threw me off. I'm still confused about what happened.

Maybe she's afraid to get closer to me or felt herself getting to close and needed to pull away again.

I have alot to talk to my therapist about.

Strangle me? for what actions this week? The dating and ML? Just lay it all out there man. It's the only way I'll learn.

and thanks for the comments and replies and well wishes.

You didn't answer my question (and "you're welcome," btw).

Why do you suppose I haven't responded to you? Me, a guy who's verbose, snarky, a bit of a know-it-all, who LOVES to respond to posts???

Why?? Do you think I didn't WANT to? Do you think maybe it was HARD for me?

Puppy

well you told me 48 hours of NC and i didn't do it? Disappointed and frustration?

Stubbron and defensive?

Too many threads? Stubborness? Is this supposed to help me understand why WAW isn't purseuing either?

My head is totally out of the game man. I'm on the mound but my accuracy is way off and the manager and catcher have come out to talk to me several times and they are about to give the signal for a reliever.

Heck I liked it better when WAW texted and we talked and laughed before our dates earlier this week and ML I think it's done more damage than good.

I am totally confused. I really really am. I had more clarity before all of this.

It was to demonstrate to you, in action, the concept of laying out a "Boundary of Personal Integrity," and sticking to it. To use your HEAD (logic, rational thought) to create it, and not let your HEART (emotions, fears) drive your daily behavior.

You just DO it.

Now -- (((poof!))) -- I'm dark. 48 hours, dude -- no contact with your wife. I'll be back, cuz I know you can do it. And don't ask me all the "WHYs" associated with it, because they've all been answered by everyone else -- handfuls of times -- in your upthreads.

Good luck.

Puppy

OK, I said I wasn't going to give you any "Why's," James, so consider this a bonus:



Here's the thing. Your confusion and lack of clarity is DIRECTLY RELATED to the amount of interaction you keep having with your wife. It's what CityGirl (and others) have been trying to tell you. She takes you off your game.

lol like clockwork as soon as you go NC on me WAW calls. I did not answer though.

i guess she needs time to clear her head and work on things for herself. I'm trying to do the same.

She told me before how hard it is not to call or text me and she's feelinghurt guilt love and missing me so I'll chill out and just do the 48 hours again.

Here are a few things to think about.

You cannot control the way others behave. You cannot control your mom, dad, WAW or anybody else. What you CAN control is how you react.

Speculating about what your WAS is thinking or doing is a complete and total waste of energy.

You must learn to control your thoughts and actions in a healthy way. Self discipline and patience are two attributes that will help YOUR present and future and will make you a more effective DB.

The defensive posture you take must change. Only you can do that.

A small showing of gratitude goes a long way. You laugh and joke or become defensive but I don't see any "thank you's" to all the contributors to your very lengthy thread.

Until you take ALL the focus off your WAW nothing will change. Please do not issue another list of all the things you are doing. You might be doing things for you but your WAW still takes up all your head space.

(((((CityGirl)))))

I couldn't find your thread or mine however I wanted to log on real quick to tell you Thank You...

To come back and see what first was written to me and then to see you stand up for me was absolutely wonderful...

I don't want to say anything else but thank you from the bottom of my heart.

James-

One more time, with feeling.

Please take some time to read and digest what all have been saying. You have a large # of posts because people care and are worried about you. Embrace that and learn from those who have been there.

find you inner peace. It will come and go, but strive to get to a place where you can calmly absorb the info and act in a responsible way and not fly off the cuff. You are not helping yourself or your sitch by blaming everyone else around you. Yes, your W did terrible thing and caused you much pain, but only you can decide to make it stop.

Take care.

waw is still in E.A. possible P.A she is still talking to the same two guys (including the p.a. who she stated she would stop talking to). I see the same 2 numbers on our joint account again.

She just can't stop it. I'm just gonna have to leave her alone. She's not sorry for the herpes or any of that. She's gonna keep on sleeping around and then coming back to me playing a dangerous game with my life and others I guess.