Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

oops I meant newmama above.

thank you flowmom! so how do I make one for my previous thread?

Newmama - Just stoppin' by to say hi!

"I found out Mar 17. So I kicked him out b/c he couldn't choose between us and didnt want to stop contacting her. OUr baby was born July 6 (HE WANTED to start a family back in October!) and he has mentioned wanting to come back, thinking we should D, all over the place."

Newmama,

I went back and read your thread because it was similar in the fact that we were both pregnant at the time the bomb was dropped but I didn't kick H out immediately. QUestion, did you notice a dramatic change in your H wanting to come back after you kicked him out? I also saw that you kind of did a NC with husband initially after kicking him out...did that period of NC (except to talk about business) do anything or make an waves in husband deciding to work things out?

Saint, thanks for reminding me that they can just come back without warning. Interesting.....

now did your H move right back into your house? What is your opinion on that issue?

just asking...

Hi MF! Am making 4th July plans to stay at a cabin on a lake with my friends who have a gorgeous boat! But am thinking I should "let" WH have S that weekend so I can be free...but will not bring it up.

you are absolutely right, you do not want to become the opposite of cheerful and pleasant. that will only show him what he doesn't want and how will that help you towards your goal?

you can do other things, but right now, you are mentioning making some changes in the last couple weeks and you have noticed his reactions changing. you need to stay on this path for a while and see how things go.

and do NOT make a decision in May to D, IMHO, that is way too soon. and what ultimatum would you give? he doesn't live there right?


so did you have the baby after or before the S (separation)

NM, sticking my nose in here but IMO about a WAS moving back in:

MAKE HIM EARN IT.

Boundaries, NC with OW, End the A, Transparency, all that stuff.

This isn't about HIM NM it's about You & little NM and what's best for you both.

NM, my H wasn't fully out of the house. I had kicked him out before DB, and then talked to a great christian friend who said, "who's influence would you rather him be in, yours, or his single friends?". I told him the next day that I didn't want to kick him out of the childrens' lives before needed, and that he was welcome to stay as long as he kept contact out of the house.

so, at that time, he had been going back and forth from friend to home. and I was actually staying at my moms in another state for a couple weeks (at his request) so that he could "think". that scared me a lot, but I did it. so, after the text I came back home and he was back fully. EXCEPT, the A didn't totally end (meaning, the contact, the physical was definitely done) until almost 6 months later.

this thing takes TIME!!! have patience. you can do this! yours is a little more difficult because the OW is close, and even closer if he was living with her. My H's ow was 5 hrs away, so that wasn't an option for him.

but I see progression, so keep doing what your doing for now.

(((newmama)))

4luv, WH and I are not back together so the NC didn't achieve that effect.I have my theories as to why.
HOWEVER it did make him reach out more. He would come to the house when I wasn't there and do stuff (yard work, vacuum, garbage, etc. since I was big and pregnant) and leave me written notes. I don't think I ever wrote back.

So I feel like that showed me he would have a hard time letting go of me BUT it wasn't enough to miss me enough to want to come back. And then obviously he brought up divorce 2 more times since S was born so to me it showed me he was willing to part with me.

At this point, I am starting to wonder if he misses me. Hmmm. But he is still with OW. shrug! (that is my mantra)