You cannot control the way others behave. You cannot control your mom, dad, WAW or anybody else. What you CAN control is how you react.
Speculating about what your WAS is thinking or doing is a complete and total waste of energy.
You must learn to control your thoughts and actions in a healthy way. Self discipline and patience are two attributes that will help YOUR present and future and will make you a more effective DB.
The defensive posture you take must change. Only you can do that.
A small showing of gratitude goes a long way. You laugh and joke or become defensive but I don't see any "thank you's" to all the contributors to your very lengthy thread.
Until you take ALL the focus off your WAW nothing will change. Please do not issue another list of all the things you are doing. You might be doing things for you but your WAW still takes up all your head space.
my mother stated she's going out of town and can't take me to surgery. Now I have to find another way. It's too late to change it since the state is paying for it itll cost double. *sighs*
and like I said WAW is still talking to these two guys. It's not gonna stop
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Once again you glossed over SEVERAL posts chock full of guidance and went right back to your WAW and how victimized you are.
As many of us have tried to point out to you spouses that walk away and have affairs don't just "flip" and want to make things right in a matter of weeks. You knew better though.
You are not looking for solutions. If your mother can't take you to surgery tell her "no problem" and get to work finding a solution. If you have money to buy cigarettes then you have money to call a cab or car service. You have mentioned the bus. Call a friend or other family member for a lift. Call the agency that is paying for the surgery and let them know you have transportation issues. Perhaps if you weren't so OBSESSED with your wife you wouldn't be so busy *sighing* and might be able to figure out this very basic problem.
You are correct that your WAS will not stop talking to other men as long as you continue to participate in the way she dictates. Why would she stop? She gets money from your joint account, gets to talk to other men and have you as a fall back option. Not a bad gig if you can get it, no?
You cannot control the way others behave. You cannot control your mom, dad, WAW or anybody else. What you CAN control is how you react.
Speculating about what your WAS is thinking or doing is a complete and total waste of energy.
You must learn to control your thoughts and actions in a healthy way. Self discipline and patience are two attributes that will help YOUR present and future and will make you a more effective DB.
The defensive posture you take must change. Only you can do that.
A small showing of gratitude goes a long way. You laugh and joke or become defensive but I don't see any "thank you's" to all the contributors to your very lengthy thread.
Until you take ALL the focus off your WAW nothing will change. Please do not issue another list of all the things you are doing. You might be doing things for you but your WAW still takes up all your head space.
my mother stated she's going out of town and can't take me to surgery. Now I have to find another way. It's too late to change it since the state is paying for it itll cost double. *sighs*
and like I said WAW is still talking to these two guys. It's not gonna stop
get an ambulette to pick you up.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Once again you glossed over SEVERAL posts chock full of guidance and went right back to your WAW and how victimized you are.
As many of us have tried to point out to you spouses that walk away and have affairs don't just "flip" and want to make things right in a matter of weeks. You knew better though.
You are not looking for solutions. If your mother can't take you to surgery tell her "no problem" and get to work finding a solution. If you have money to buy cigarettes then you have money to call a cab or car service. You have mentioned the bus. Call a friend or other family member for a lift. Call the agency that is paying for the surgery and let them know you have transportation issues. Perhaps if you weren't so OBSESSED with your wife you wouldn't be so busy *sighing* and might be able to figure out this very basic problem.
You are correct that your WAS will not stop talking to other men as long as you continue to participate in the way she dictates. Why would she stop? She gets money from your joint account, gets to talk to other men and have you as a fall back option. Not a bad gig if you can get it, no?
Lastly... GRATITUDE my man. Embrace it.
could not have said it better - focus on solutions to the problems, don't focus on the problems.
my word man - take control!
gman
Last edited by gman; 04/16/1006:53 PM. Reason: gman!
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Once again you glossed over SEVERAL posts chock full of guidance and went right back to your WAW and how victimized you are.
As many of us have tried to point out to you spouses that walk away and have affairs don't just "flip" and want to make things right in a matter of weeks. You knew better though.
You are not looking for solutions. If your mother can't take you to surgery tell her "no problem" and get to work finding a solution. If you have money to buy cigarettes then you have money to call a cab or car service. You have mentioned the bus. Call a friend or other family member for a lift. Call the agency that is paying for the surgery and let them know you have transportation issues. Perhaps if you weren't so OBSESSED with your wife you wouldn't be so busy *sighing* and might be able to figure out this very basic problem.
You are correct that your WAS will not stop talking to other men as long as you continue to participate in the way she dictates. Why would she stop? She gets money from your joint account, gets to talk to other men and have you as a fall back option. Not a bad gig if you can get it, no?
Lastly... GRATITUDE my man. Embrace it.
could not have said it better - focus on solutions to the problems, don't focus on the problems.
double ditto!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Once again you glossed over SEVERAL posts chock full of guidance and went right back to your WAW and how victimized you are.
As many of us have tried to point out to you spouses that walk away and have affairs don't just "flip" and want to make things right in a matter of weeks. You knew better though.
You are not looking for solutions. If your mother can't take you to surgery tell her "no problem" and get to work finding a solution. If you have money to buy cigarettes then you have money to call a cab or car service. You have mentioned the bus. Call a friend or other family member for a lift. Call the agency that is paying for the surgery and let them know you have transportation issues. Perhaps if you weren't so OBSESSED with your wife you wouldn't be so busy *sighing* and might be able to figure out this very basic problem.
You are correct that your WAS will not stop talking to other men as long as you continue to participate in the way she dictates. Why would she stop? She gets money from your joint account, gets to talk to other men and have you as a fall back option. Not a bad gig if you can get it, no?
Lastly... GRATITUDE my man. Embrace it.
i'm getting out. I'm not gonna do it. I'm already drawing up the legal documents so that we can do this quick and fast. I set boundaries about this and she knew how I felt. No more.
Where I live at I can't use the services I have to get to where I want to go. It's part of the reason I didn't want to come here in the first place.
I've made callss to family members no one can take me. No friends to really speak of. It's not their problem. I'll just find a way. I called my vocational rehab counselor and left a message.
nope not a bad gig for her at all. It's about to all change and stop. I am sincerely thinking about filing for divorce.
I love her but I cannot keep taking this abuse and treatment. I've enabled it. Heck I enabled it even more by the dates and ML i guess.
I dont know if I have the patience to deal with her CONTINUALLY DOING THIS. Letting sd8 and the boys suffer. Blow through our life savings and just mess up everything. I'm just completely fed up with it.
Even if I told her she's not gonna sign these forms. I know it. She wants to keep me right here. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. So i'll have to go to the court and and fight it that way I guess.
She's not calling them no more but whatever man. I can't keep being on this emotional yo yo. I deserve better. I have given her bettrer. I was not the perfect husband or father but damnit I have tried.
I'm about to text her in a little while that we can meet up and get these forms signed and we can both end it. I will not be a doormat.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
could not have said it better - focus on solutions to the problems, don't focus on the problems.
my word man - take control!
gman
take control of what? I'm handling the surgery situation. Ill find a way for the surgery day and then the post op day.
I don't think I can do this anymore. I love my waw and my family but she's just blatantly hurting me on purpose. She can't even be honest about it.
we need to sign the forms reliunquishing POA'S and business documents for the business. We need to divide up assets and bills. WE need to sign the common law divorce degree and have it filed in court.
I"m trying to tie up all lose ends.
Last edited by james217; 04/16/1008:18 PM.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Wow... a WAS that cheats and lies about it. I think you are the only person that has ever experienced that!
Again, no gratitude. Not one word. Sad.
You have set NO boundaries with your W and you will not even go dark for two days. Maybe you are right, a divorce is best.
The only 'work' you want to do is the 'fun stuff' like dating and spending the day in a hotel room. You either get your hands dirty, dive in and do the REAL work or you divorce. Make a choice or you will continue to self destruct.
Either way, you need to work on you. And I don't mean clothes, job, walking, sleeping and so on. It has to be much deeper or you life will never change.
Wow... a WAS that cheats and lies about it. I think you are the only person that has ever experienced that!
Again, no gratitude. Not one word. Sad.
You have set NO boundaries with your W and you will not even go dark for two days. Maybe you are right, a divorce is best.
The only 'work' you want to do is the 'fun stuff' like dating and spending the day in a hotel room. You either get your hands dirty, dive in and do the REAL work or you divorce. Make a choice or you will continue to self destruct.
Either way, you need to work on you. And I don't mean clothes, job, walking, sleeping and so on. It has to be much deeper or you life will never change.
lol I could have sworn I typed thank you CITY GIRL.
lol smarty pants.
I did go dark for two days.
No trust me alot of my M has NOT been fun.
What boundaries can I set? for the boundaries to matter and have an impact someone has to care about those boundaries. Obviously she doesn't.
It's worse than it was before. At least when I had doctor's appointments or things like that she cared enough to call and see how I was doing. Or to text.
Now it's just treat him like total trash?
It's like she enjoys hurting me. Heck I helped her before and she did not have to take it to this extreme.
I really really dont think she cares anymore if she'll go right back to doing this like what we shared was nothing.
so what do I do? how do I gain respect from someone who doesn't care or acts or pretends?
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
