Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Sol's separated thread

Ooh let's see. So H and I have been doing MC consistently since January. All this time he says he hasn't gotten greencard yet. Then he says 2 weeks ago that we need to talk. He finally tells me he got the greencard about 2 months ago and didn't tell me cause I may "use" him for vacation. (scratches head, what?) Then he tells me in Dec a few weeks before he took me to the same place he took me dancing, (that fun night we had where he told me he wanted to start doing MC) and that he had gone there with a buddy of his and met two sisters and one of them was hitting on him hardcore and he took her back to his friend's house (along with the sis) and had sex with her 3x, giving me very graphic details about what they did, that she went down on him, how he regrets it, how it was stupid and he wants us to work things out. He also said the friend banged the sister. So they were all there. He swears he used a condom each time.

Then I told him I also hooked up with someone though it was making out and not nearly as XXX/graphic as his situation was. Said guy was a friend of mine and I've since told the guy I am doing MC with hub and I don't want anything complicated. I told H I regret this, that none of this should have ever happened, that if I could undo what he and I did, things would be better.

I told him he needs to get tested for STDs, since we have had sex together since his hook-up with this chick. I am disgusted he took me to the same place when I had so much fun with him there, dancing and he was being so romantic. I spent all day getting ready and buying new clothes and doing my hair at the salon for this outing with him. This was the same place he told me he wanted to start to do MC. And he was just there a few weeks prior and met her and took her back to his friend's house. I know I can't be that upset since I made out with someone, too but that makes me a hypocrite a little bit, right--being upset when I made out with someone? He cancelled our MC and told me he doesn't want the MCounselor knowing all this. Um, okaaay. Generally I'd tell him, let's go to MC still but I won't this time. I did tell him I felt that my opinion on the matter was unimportant since he made the decision unilaterally without me. Now he's saying how he wants to try everything to work on our marriage, that it's been almost 8 years, that he wants us to go on a vacation soon.

Today my heart hurts. I re-arranged my schedule with school and work to go when he go could on vacation (even missing class) and he's saying he won't help me pay for the vacation, even though I offered to pay a portion. He just got a raise and a brand new custom-made Harley. I know he has the funds.

Grr

Alright, I'm a little confused.

He tells you graphic details of his sexcapades, then tells you he wants to work on the marriage, then asks you to go on vacation with him, but wont help pay for it?

Yes.

To everything you just asked.

Well, I've actually thought about your sitch a lot today at work (in between flirting via email with this really hot blond that just started).


I guess my question would be do you believe him that he wants to work on the marriage, and, what things would he need to do to SHOW you he is?


I guess I'm just worried this is him just throwing you a bone to keep you around.

I am so tired of this sh-t.

I do believe him when he says he wants to work on the M. And I do believe I feel alone again when his actions don't match his words.

He hasn't called me back after yesterday a.m. when he said he wouldn't pay for the vacation he invited me on. And I am not surprised.

Sol, I have more to say, but I want to gather my thoughts... I'm not thinking too straight after what happened last night..

Please read.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022486&#Post2022486

sol,

I'm sorry to say, bu tin reading all this and monitoring your H's action, I'm a bit disturbed. Mind you, I'm more acustomed to dealing with a WAW by way of my sitch, but this has a bad vibe. He's not being truthful, he delays contact, claims financial hardships, blows off scheduled gatherings that he "forgets", hun, I'm sorry but I think you need to get a copy of Puppy's Guide to Busting your S in a A.

EDIT - Just to be sure.

^ Where can I get a copy of that?

You think he may be in an A? He says he's not seeing anyone and regrets sleeping with that girl, that it made him realize I'm his fit, etc. He said she called him afterward 2x and he didn't answer her at all. I know way too many details of what happened with them and wish so much that I didn't. I don't think he's seeing anyone but then I again I never thought he f-cked someone else and was floored a few years back when I found out he had an ad on dating website looking for sex. He told me he was gonig to get tested this week for STDs but I don't believe he will. Idk why, I just don't.

I do hate when he blanks me though. That is the worst! He tells me he wants to try everything to work it out, that when you get married it's supposed to be for forever yet I can't comprehend why he cancelled our MC. ::scratches head:: He didn't even ask what I thought about that.

He has spent the night at my place many times and always comes over when I invite him.

Sorry, I was loosly referring to our resident A sleuth PuppyDogTails.

Like I said, I could be wrong, but something is seriously amiss that I don't understand.

Definately before you have intimate contact with him he needs to get checked out and you are entitled to see written PROOF that he is clean.